Dementia

Biblioklept

Can anyone share their experience of a loved one with dementia? Is it guaranteed it will get to a point where my dad no longer recognises me? I don't get to see him very often at all and I don't know a lot about dementia or how fast it can progress.

birdwatcher

It's an awful condition. There's a real chance he'll get to the stage where he won't recognise you. And that's not his fault, it's down to the illness. How advanced is his dementia? And where is he living now? what support has he got? what support have you got? Please don't make the mistake of having him come live with you or you move back in with him. Sorry, that sounds awful I know. But I've been there, done it. And it makes a heck of a mess of your physical and mental health. And could well wreck any spousal relationship you've got. Looking after someone with dementia isn't called the 36 hour day for nothing.

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Littlefatfriend

I moved back up north when my grandma Grace moved into a care home here. My family were all working and my teaching and working with the interweb made me most readily available to ensure Grace was visited every day.

For a few years Grandma and I continued to enjoy each others company and build happy memories. We had always been quite close.

At some point only I will have been remembering those visits for the long term, but Grace remained my Grandma throughout. I don't regret a second of it.

I used the opportunity to improve my ukulele playing and learn some more songs. There are all sorts of "activity" ideas for carers and visitors out there if one looks.

In my opinion we're all gonna die sometime, and if we can help each other before that then it's best to.

As it appears you won't be involved with the more industrial aspects of your dad's care, I encourage you to enjoy what time you can.

In 2018 in her book titled Somebody I used to know, Wendy Mitchell wrote a welcoming and very readable description of her own experiences as she developed young-onset Alzheimer's. She had been diagnosed four years earlier. It isn't over-egging it to describe that book as revelatory, it's powerful stuff. And it isn't anything like as sad as one may expect from that brief synopsis!

By the time I read it (and Wendy's two other books) I'd been entertaining and advocating on behalf of people with dementia for about 12 years. Wendy does a masterful job describing what changes and often crucially what doesn't. And how we can help.

I'm led to believe Richard and Judy from the telly raved about Wendy and that book!

I wouldn't know, obvs.

😺

kitsmum

My Nana had vascular dementia but didn't get to the stage where she didn't recognise me but that is not the case for everyone. Her short term memory was pretty awful and she had to go into a care home when she forgot where her bedroom was in the house she'd lived in for 50 years and she forgot that her sons spoke to her every day but for some reason she thought she'd spoken to me on the phone. I think that it is different for everyone suffering from this awful illness but she remained happy until the end. Just take it a day at a time.

Biblioklept

Thank you all ❤️

It's really complicated situation with my dad and the dementia adds another leve. It's been really helpful to understand what to expect💕