Autism is not caused by "bad parenting"
I saw some comments on here that hinted to people thinking 'poor parenting' causes neurodiversity and I shouldn't need to say this but I will: 'bad' parenting does not cause neurodiversity.
Threats, punishment and fear won't change neurodiversity.
Neurodiversity is not about a child 'being in charge'
There are so many neurodiverse members on here and I can GUARANTEE we've all had very different upbringings, some with very crazy strict parents, some with laid back parents, some negligent, some over-bearing, and everything in between.
Sensory processing differences ARE NOT BAD BEHAVIOUR!!
Communications differences ARE NOT BAD BEHAVIOUR!!!!
They can not be 'fixed' by being stricter. They can not be changed by shouting louder. They are not changed by electric shock, bleaching, poisoning or any of the many ways they've tried to 'cure' autism since the early 1900s.
Comments
-
A huge thanks for posting this!
1 -
I don't want to imagine how you feel @Biblioklept after reading stuff about that
To me this just goes without saying and anyone suggesting these accusations can safely be ignored without a second thought … however I know how easy that is to say compared to actually do!!!
As someone who is guilty of taking sweeping comments very much to heart I just wish I could reassure you in the same way you always reassured me when I get distressed by sweeping/invalidating comments
1 -
Thank you @Nightcity ❤️I just felt like it needed saying
I don't know why people can't understand that if electric shocks, torture and all other 'treatments' don't "cure" or "fix" autism, why do they think parents being stricter will? 🙄
Aww thank you @66Mustang ❤️
I didn't take them personally or to heart, but I hate the unjustness and ignorance of it. It feels so unfair for people to blame parents for kids having disabilities.
Of course parenting styles will have an impact on outcomes for all children, neurodiverse or not, but so does society, media, schooling, and so on.
The ignorance of telling parents of neurodiverse children to just be stricter, really gets to me. It's blaming parents and ignoring that both ADHD and autism have neurobiological differences in brain structure and function. But no, no, you just need to be mean or stricter to 'fix' us. 😒 enough grumbling from me though!! 😅
1 -
Sensory processing differences ARE NOT BAD BEHAVIOUR!!
Communications differences ARE NOT BAD BEHAVIOUR!!!!
Absolutely.
It is distressing, as an adult, to still have limited control of my reactions to the triggers I identified very late in life.
2 -
What nonsense.
I have three neurospicy children. My eldest has learning delays. (Due to traumatic birth, and they think possible brain damage) My Middle is very autistic, and my third absolutely has ADHD, but she's not been diagnosed yet. (13 high achieving and masks like a pro at school and bounces off the walls at home)
However, it has nothing to do with parenting, as we have been amazing parents. I do not toot my own horn very often, but I am an awesome mom. (I'm also adhd and waiting on the official diagnosis before I can say im asd)
My eldest was diagnosed at 16 with moderate learning delays. He did not learn to read or write until year five. (I had to fight for any help from his school) but he had an ehcp and IEP from the age of 4. Was in SALT from the age of three and had to be taught how to regulate his emotions for years. He used to tell me that he felt all the emotions inside but they could not get out.
His ped. told me that most kids with his disabilities would have had serious EBD issues, but I had managed to help him become a very well balanced polite young man. Im not gonna lie, that is my greatest flex and achivment in my eyes. I won at parenting that day!
My middle son is autistic, and not mildly. He is also gifted with limited capacity to ever experiance life outside out home. He will never be independent. Think genius level intellegence with a 4-5 year olds emotional depth and understanding of the world.
He still has melt downs, eats his clothes, self harms and needs constant reassurance.
I say, 'That is not acceptable behaviour on a daily basis, and actions have concequences, on repeat.'
A young man that will never be independent is now able to go to college and do a level 3 IT and computing course, because of all the hard work his dad, I and the multitude of educational and medical proffessionals that worked with us. It wasnt easy or fun. There were times i cried myself sick in the bath. But every moment was worth it.
My youngest is also gifted. She is in the top of her year in high school. Will be getting an award at school next week and is extremly well behaved. However, at home she litterally bounces off the walls. She hurts herself daily being ridiculous, climbing, jumping and falling over her own feet. She has hypermobility and hypertonia. She has been told repeatedly not to run, because its dangerous for the world in general and her in particular. Ive had to ask for her to be exscused from PE at school and she injures herself every single week.
But with all their issues, i can guruntee that it had nothing to do with parenting. They are all three amazing human beings who are well mannered, well behaved and totally insane.
Me on the other hand can barely make it thru the day. lol
But I have so much childhood trauma that its a wonder im still on this earth! I mean, if you wanted to say ADHD and ASD was caused by enviormental conditions i would be a good case, yet my three have had a stable love filled childhood with understanding and boundaries. So, you cant have it both ways.
1 -
"What nonsense."
Excuse me, were you addressing me?
"I mean, if you wanted to say ADHD and ASD was caused by enviormental conditions i would be a good case"
Has anyone said anything of the sort on this thread? No!
2 -
Excuse me, were you addressing me?
What do you consider to be nonsense?
2 -
The nonsense is that ADHD/ASD is caused by bad parenting. It's not. That's what I consider nonsense. I had awful parenting (ie, non-existent), whereas my children have had good, balanced parenting, yet we are all adhd/asd. So that is an example that it's not down to parenting at all. I think there is something called environmental autism, but that is due to severe neglect and abuse. Not just bad parenting in general.
1 -
So, we're in agreement? 👍️
1 -
What makes things more difficult, @Biblioklept, are those parents with children that are out of control because of bad parenting, using autism/ADHD… as their excuse when you know darn well it is not at all. The same happened with dyslexia, it was the get out card for them not helping their kids with their learning, homework etc,. as they couldn't be bothered.
It all makes it far harder for those parenting for or those that are neurodiverse.
3 -
I can see the point of view you are coming from, but blaming parenting for dyslexia simply is not accurate.
For many years, neurodiverse conditions were dismissed as excuses, and families were wrongly told their child’s difficulties were down to effort or behaviour. We now know that dyslexia is a recognised neurodevelopmental learning difficulty with clear genetic and cognitive foundations. It is not caused by parenting.
Research shows that dyslexic children process language and written information differently, often long before school begins. No amount of extra effort at home can overcome those neurological differences without the right specialist support.
Framing dyslexia as parents not bothering only makes life harder for the families and children who already face significant barriers. It is a difference, not a deficit, and it is not something parents cause.
I know people who show this clearly in real life. For example, my friend who is a brilliant accountant but completely blind to the written word. Their intelligence and capability are unquestionable. Their brain simply processes written language differently.
Dyslexia has nothing to do with intelligence, and many dyslexic people go on to excel in creativity, reasoning, and problem solving.
1 -
@MW123 I read Jessie's post differently and don't think they were saying bad parenting causes dyslexia or saying anything negative about people who have dyslexia
@JessieJ yep, having worked in a school I can say it's definitely used as an excuse sometimes and unfortunately doesn't help dispel the myths and stereotypes about asd/adhd and even dyslexia!!
@WhatThe I agree with that so much, there's such a lack of understanding!! I sometimes wish I'd been diagnosed as a child so I could have understood myself more back then, it may have saved me a lot of heartache and self-hatred! Getting diagnosed as an adult definitely had some positives though!! I wish I could identify my triggers I still can't always know what will set me off 😅
You're giving your children the childhood and parent you should have had @brandy28655!!
❤️
2 -
@
0 -
Parenting has nothing to do with Autism, I've seen family members who were diagnosed early on who had the best upbringing and parents and had no behavioural problems but still has quite bad autism.
The only time parenting becomes an issue with autism is when parents who don't understand a nuerodiverse world and then try to force their child to things that would cause stress, and put them in an over sensory environment which in turn makes the child have a meltdown. I think thats where the classic "bad parenting" look came from.
3 -
I understand that people interpret things differently, but the way Jessie phrased it is what shaped my reaction. When she talked about bad parenting and then immediately listed autism, ADHD and dyslexia as the excuses parents use when their children are out of control, it read as though she was saying these conditions are not real and are simply invented by parents who cannot be bothered.
The dyslexia example in particular came across as denying the condition altogether and suggesting it only appears in families where parents do not help with homework. That is not how dyslexia works. It is a neurological difference, not something created by parenting, and children from completely dedicated families experience it too.
It is genuinely sad to see any child dismissed because of their family circumstances, because every child with dyslexia or ADHD deserves support regardless of who their parents are. It’s a reminder of how far we still have to go in understanding neurodiversity.
1 -
Imagine how bad it will be for kids who have ADHD, Autism, or Dyslexia who have parents who don't believe in these things, think their kids are just badly behaved, force them into living a neurotypical life, and deny them the medication or other help like therapy that they need. Terrible, absolutely terrible. Every time I see a ADHD, Autism, or Dyslexia denier online who thinks these things are just used as excuses, I always think 'If you have any kids I really, really hope they don't have ADHD, Autism or Dyslexia'.
2 -
@MW123, @Biblioklept read my post correctly.
I know fully well that bad parenting does not cause dyslexia, but when it actually started coming out, bad parents used it as an excuse, for their laziness. Just as now, there are many parents that are using autism as an excuse, lying. Which, as before with dyslexia, makes it more difficult for those parents & the children & adults that are neurodiverse.
3 -
Thank you for clarifying that. I’m genuinely glad we agree these are real neurological differences.
I do feel differently about describing parents as “using it as an excuse” or “lying,” because language like that can unintentionally echo the disbelief and scrutiny many neurodivergent families have lived under for years. For parents who have spent so long advocating for their children, it reinforces stigma and makes support harder to access.
This kind of framing also doesn’t stay in childhood. Your wording reminded me of the narrative that circulated widely in the media last year, where neurodivergence and mental health conditions in adults were repeatedly presented as “excuses” for people who were supposedly too lazy to get out of bed. That messaging caused real harm. It wasn’t true, but it shaped public attitudes, and it has fed into the wider push for government “pathways back into work,” which often overlook the realities of long term neurodivergent conditions.
Personally, I would like to see more investment in children’s education, and more consistent support for dyslexic and neurodivergent children in particular. Every child deserves that, regardless of their family background.
0 -
As an autistic person, its clear its something I was born with, the only affect parenting has on it really is management of the symptoms and one can be shielded from the impact of it, but it isnt the cause of the condition.
I was never diagnosed with it as a child, and so we also have to consider in many cases people arent even diagnosed. I am actually really concerned people out there who clearly dont understand these things are claiming we have a problem of over diagnosis.
Ross1975 post might even apply to me, I went to a special school instead of year 1 infants, and then was put in normal school where I instantly stood out. I tried to find out about my childhood investigations, my parents claim they cant remember anything which is odd, my older sister remembers me having visits to assess development behaviour. I myself remember going to that special school which was full of mentally handicapped children. This pretence I had no mental conditions likely did damage my development, but it didnt cause the condition.1 -
I've seen both ends of the scale in my family.
One relative at age 42 has recently been diagnosed, clearly autistic all her life when we were younger it was obvious to me something was up but no one in the family talked about it.
Other end is a teacher flagging another relative age 7, only because occasionally she didn't sit still in class. Not put forward for assessment & 3 years later and she's more than grown out if it.
1
Categories
- All Categories
- 15.7K Start here and say hello!
- 7.5K Coffee lounge
- 104 Games den
- 1.7K People power
- 155 Announcements and information
- 25K Talk about life
- 6.1K Everyday life
- 505 Current affairs
- 2.5K Families and carers
- 895 Education and skills
- 2K Work
- 573 Money and bills
- 3.7K Housing and independent living
- 1.1K Transport and travel
- 639 Relationships
- 1.6K Mental health and wellbeing
- 2.5K Talk about your impairment
- 878 Rare, invisible, and undiagnosed conditions
- 936 Neurological impairments and pain
- 2.2K Cerebral Palsy Network
- 1.2K Autism and neurodiversity
- 40.5K Talk about your benefits
- 6.1K Employment and Support Allowance (ESA)
- 20.2K PIP, DLA, ADP and AA
- 9K Universal Credit (UC)
- 5.3K Benefits and income