Family issues

ryleyyg

so today I was supposed to meet my nan for lunch, but I woke up feeling really anxious and sick and with a mild headache. I told her if it was okay not to come and I explained honestly.
I basically have slept all day.
my dad messaged me and said “what the hell you blew her out?

I’m like no I woke up feeling super anxious and sick, and I spoke to her and she was completely okay with it? It’s really hard to communicate with my dad sometimes, and so I don’t know what to say.

pooleemily29

Hi @ryleyyg its @pooleemily29 im so sorry to hear youv2 been having a tough time of it. I completely understand what you mean when you say you felt anixous I suffer wirh that too aniexty its horrible qhen your feeling like that. My aniexty can be triggered by the slightest thing. I really hope your feeling much better now sleep definately with managing it. Take care @ryleyyg 😀

Littlefatfriend

Pardon me ryleyyg,

Has your dad never been ill?

Felt unwell?

That strikes me as unlikely.

This looks to me most like communication issues.

Some people just aren't good at it.

Also, maybe your dad's had a rubbish day and he's just venting? That doesn't excuse it, but may help explain it.

Please don't let it upset you.

That's the trick

😉

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1086191#Comment_1086191

he has yes. But he doesn’t understand how my anxiety works as he is not with me 24/7 today I woke up sharp pain in head and sick, so I messaged my nan and apologized about today, and she was okay about it and said hope I get better. I even told her I felt bad about today and she seemed okay with it.

And when I told my dad he is now ignoring my messages and not responding to me, even tho I have seen him online.

Littlefatfriend

Unfortunately the only way people can learn to properly understand anxiety is by having it themselves.

No matter how many books I've read or people with anxiety issues I've known and lived with, I'm aware that I can't really understand it because I've never experienced it.

I appreciate it's a difficult thing to help people understand.

Often in my experience it can help to just allow people to think about what they do.

I'd like to be able to suggest something more than just trying not to let your emotions drive your behaviour. That's the mistake your dad appears to be making. He's scared, perhaps thinking on your behalf. Fear does that to some folk.

I encourage you to be as calm as possible and hopefully lead him by that example.

Fear and anger get us nowhere quickly.

Good luck

hass

Oh my word i think this is

Naracsist behaviour .

Forgive me if im out of term .this brings back terrible memories my dad was like that he would ring us and say your uncle here

I once said roll the red carpet out.

My so called uncle and aunties not nice people tofaced. Gaslighters .

They have an overinflated

Egos

And don't accept mental. Health difficulties or learning difficulties.

To be frank they all self absorbed

theme79

the bottom line is most people do not appreciate what they haven’t experienced- not everyone but most. That makes it tough for you and frankly can add to your situation and anxiety.

I have had fatigue issues for most of my life and although it’s related to a neurolomuscular condition- people just don’t accept that I can not predict whether I’m up to something or not … and that includes family who have grown up with me and are close . I can’t offer any antidote to ignorance or a refusal to understand what it’s like.

However I do try to understand though that they are not doing it deliberately to hurt me deliberately it’s a default often self protective unconscious reaction to others they don’t understand- which when it’s you Dad is very very upsetting.

I have prioritorised have therapy regularly for many years - even when had little money over accesed cheap and sometimes free. Now there are also online forums like this and others - it can be a frustrating and stressful existence- so reach out and if you can access therapy it’s not about curing you, treating you ‘anxiety’ or solving you’re Dad’s attitude - it’s snooty being heard and validated - and that matters

ryleyyg

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1086241#Comment_1086241

I appreciate this thank you! I do try to understand as well! Unfortunately no he hasn’t got depression or experienced as I am aware off! But I do also understand that he’s busy a lot at work too! But sometimes I just wish he would understand more