Public transport gives me anxiety.
so today I took the train with my brother to get a haircut, and my anxiety was so bad, I remember looking around scouting the area for my own survival etc.
people nowadays scare me and especially with how rude people in the uk can be…
When people look at you oddly walk past slowly etc it always puts me on edge. In general I hate going outside as I genuinely feel like an outcast to the world when I step outside.
I’d rather isolate and stay inside.I don’t know what to do anymore sometimes I just feel drained and tired.
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I hear you.
our car is currently awaiting a suitable replacement, I had to go to the gp surgery Tuesday in a taxi, The proceeding 4 days I worried constantly about it, Will they be one of the ones who doesn't stop babbling, will they have a cold or covid after having loads in their vehicle etc etc.
Then during the actual journey I had a panic attack.
I won't even step in a bus or train these days.
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I know the feeling, I had to get the train and once other passengers sat down and started talking amongst themselves all the conversations overloaded my senses. I was then worried who might sit next to me, will I miss my connection etc. When the doors closed I felt so panicky I got off at the next stop and my partner picked me up!
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I really hate any form of public transport and rarely use it, its a sensory overload for me and I always feel stressed afterwards. Sometimes I just simply don't goto appointments unless they are within walking distance unless my dad takes me in his car.
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Totally relate im not triggered im calm and contained ive isolated fir 14 years people have noting to offer me
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Public transport is a bit of a lottery. It's no fun to be left on the train at your stop, with nobody coming to deploy the ramp.
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I really appreciate you guys!
apology for not responding but I appreciate u guys0 -
#@ryleyyg,
Hi, ryleyyg, I can have some appreciation of your situation, my son does not being out in public and would rather walk than use public transport unless he has to. I also have neuro diverse conditions which can make me feel uncomfortable in public places or using public transport. However, it is such a shame that so many people are restricted to being at home and not able to venture out due to anxiety, stress or what else causes their fear or panic. It occurred to me that perhaps you could try some reverse psychology when you next venture out?
Perhaps instead of wondering what others may look at you or be thinking just walk past with a smile on your face! It might just distract your 'panicky' negative thoughts by giving the other person something to ponder what you were smiling at! If the other person challenges you and asks what you are smiling at just tell them a pleasant thought made you smile! You can walk by praising yourself for being brave enough to venture out but also wonder if your smile 'lifted' the other person's day. Just a thought. You don't have to 'actively' engage with the other person but you may have just 'lifted' their spirit! After all, you don't know that the other person has just had an incident like a row with someone (partner, child, whoever) and this is their 'reason' for their facial expression and it is not directed at you personally.
I appreciate this is difficult for you and most certainly challenging for you, however, trying this may help you to gain your own emotions at the same time your smile may well be what the other person is coping with their own emotions. Don't know if this 'helps' just a thought.
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I have always had a terrible time of anxiety even often panic attacks with anyone driving taxis, cars and buses. I'm fine on trains for some reason. And I'm okay if I know and trust the person driving. So I've avoided taxis, cars and buses as much as possible my whole life. I walked as much as possible and rode my bike as much as possible. Or I drove my car.
But now that I can't walk the past couple of years and need mobility aids, I've had to use transportation more if I want to get around. It's part of the hell I'm going through right now. It's triply hard now because I have to figure out how to manage my mobility device in a state of anxiety or panic. But by being forced to do it, it's starting to get doable now. Some friends helped me so that I can now take the bus alone with my walker. I couldn't figure out the logistics of the local train and metro with my scooter, so I had some other friends help me figure those out. Now I can take them alone. Now I'm having them help me take my scooter on the bus. I've only tried three times so far and it's still a nightmare, but I'm sure I'll get the hang of it eventually. I've had to take taxis a lot with my walker and just started taxis with my scooter and electric tricycle. So taxis are almost okay now.
The therapy I'm using to be able to do this is called desensitisation therapy. It's an old therapy used to treat phobias. My favourite psychiatrist taught me that about 20 years ago and I use it for so many seemingly impossible situations - like this. At the end of the day, I can imagine I might even enjoy travelling around by any mode of transportation. I imagine that I might even be more comfortable travelling as a disabled person than I ever was as an able-bodied person. That would be awesome. It would make my world so much bigger.
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What is that about?!! When I took the train to Granada recently, I asked for assistance on buying my ticket. So someone helped me with my stuff both on and off the train. We don't have that on local trains, but always on the other trains. Do you not have that where you live?
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@ryleyyg hi ryleyyg I completely get you there ia not easy thing to get past i've had it done to me people staring at me for the way i walk. I compketwly understand why would want to hidw indoors away from the outside world i know its easy for me to say but doing it is a different thing altogether. Are you ok now though? Thats the main thing keep your chin up im always here if you need to talk @pooleemily29
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UK train companies offer assisted travel, nearly all of which requires advanced booking and is somewhat hit and miss, from what I understand, as to whether that assistance actually materialises.
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It would be too embarrassing to compare UK trains to those in Spain. Just like the horlicks they made over the tiny HS2 stretch? Spain has thousands of miles of high speed rail.
We can book a ramp to be available for alighting and disembarking the train, but it is luck whether anyone is actually available. They guard is supposed to turn up and put down a ramp, but more times that is funny, they don't appear in time. When you are desperate for the loo, ending up 60 miles uptrack is no joke.
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I'm sorry you're feeling that way ryleyyg.
I wondered, why do you care how people look at you? That's up to them please, we can't control or easily influence it. Possibly nor can they. It's their problem, not ours. They're of no consequence. They don't matter to me at all.
It appears to me that your concern is some social situations and other people, not transport as such. As we and our phones/TVs/etc lead ever more solitary and isolated lives, social phobias have become increasingly popular (I don't like the term common). The plague was almost "perfectly" timed to reinforce that habit in us.
Have you ever noticed how unpredictable the behaviour of dogs sometimes is around people using wheelchairs? That's most because dogs can't understand wheeled motion, it's not natural and that scares them. Their misbehaviour is very similar to the folk we'll sometimes notice staring at us, almost open-mouthed, as we go about our day. At root we're simple animals, and anything unusual will often attract our attention.
It's not personal, they know nothing about you. It's just unusual, different, and the animal within them/us is naturally curious about that. I'm not excusing their behaviour, just explaining it. People don't realise what it can be like to be on the receiving end of that curiousity. Because they see the difference in our gait, in our wheelchairs, etc it can spark their imaginations. Perhaps they're wondering how they would cope with what we/some other people do? We don't know and I don't care. They're irrelevant to me.
Often at the minute I’d rather isolate and stay inside. It's cold and I've got nowhere I need or want to go. There's only one bus that goes through my village, going to and from nowhere I'm interested in. Accessible taxis aren't reliably available in this county (Durham). I've used planes, trains, metros, buses, coaches, ferries and all sorts without any important issues. I shouldn't even mention all the UFOs here. They're probably watching me write. I wish there was more/better public transport but it's not a perfect world and this isn't about me!
If you begin by "scouting the area for" your "survival" that suggests you are beginning from a place of anxiety. I encourage you to try to avoid thinking like that. Slowly building your confidence can be very effective.
As figraspberry41 wrote, positive thinking can substantially and significantly improve how we feel. Literally just forcing our lips to crease into a smile automatically releases endorphins and an host of feel good chemicals in our brains/bodies. Small changes can make a huge difference. Did you see the video I put up here about breath control? It's powerful stuff.
Desensitisation is the goal of Exposure Therapy. What that involves is "exposing" ourselves to whatever is scaring us. Often with social phobia that would begin by asking the patient to go somewhere they know well, for a limited time, with the goal of building their confidence. Slowly increasing how long they stay and how far they travel. Like someone who is scared of cats slowly being given safe/positive experiences with them. That can be very effective.
One last analogy, please:
People often look at me as I push myself along the street. I have long hair, half a beard, and some great suits and hats. I assume they're looking at them. Also, I'm gorgeous! Even my wheelchair oozes style 🤣
Invariably people look at me when I'm out in my car too, but it's an unusual (and frankly beautiful) sports car. They're looking at it much more than me, and that too is completely irrelevant to me. Not my problem at all, thanks. They're welcome to their opinions.
Good luck, I hope we can help
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@Chris75_ that would be terrifying for me. Since being disabled, I've only taken the long-distance train once (to Granada last month), and the local train just a few times. I was told the long-distance train doesn't always have a ramp for my scooter. That's the case on the local trains too. So as fancy as the trains are, they're not fully accessible. Do you avoid going out because of poor public transport?
Quite right @Littlefatfriend that desensitisation therapy is also called exposure therapy. I'll try to explain it in my own words....
It's such a beautifully simple concept - that we avoid what causes discomfort, and the more we avoid what causes discomfort the more anxious we become about that discomfort. What I mean is as we increase avoidance, we increase our discomfort. The avoidance becomes so extreme that we can develop panic attacks and eventually even phobias. It is typically made worse because we're not thinking right in a state of anxiety and so terrible situations occur that reinforce our desire to avoid whatever causes the discomfort. So by avoiding something that causes you discomfort, you actually increase the discomfort. In other words avoidance backfires. It's counterproductive.
Our animal brain is wired to survive so if we perceive a threat we have to deal with that threat. Avoidance is a way to deal with a threat. So our avoidance 'muscle' gets overdeveloped.
The treatment is so very simple - just rewind the process. So you little by little expose yourself to what you're avoiding until you're comfortable. You gauge your exposure according to your anxiety. You start with what causes a little anxiety and what you avoid a little, working your way up to what causes you the most anxiety and what you avoid the most.
Like @Littlefatfriend says, breath work is very helpful in managing anxiety here. Friends or family can help too, such as I described above. Or holding a favourite object. Or listening to calming music. Meditation…. Zillions of things. Whatever floats your boat. Here's something I love to imagine as I'm working through my anxiety: Sir Michael Caine - with his calm, beautiful voice and soft eyes - saying to me ...
This desensitisation therapy is at the core of the two self-therapies I'm doing right now - travel therapy and emergency preparedness therapy.
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This is all completely valid but just wanted to point out that exposure therapy doesn't always work as the solution for everybody who tries it. Sorry if I've missed this already being mentioned. I believe it certainly helps people, it's just not always the answer and sadly can make things much worse depending on the situation, the person, their conditions and so forth. I know this myself.
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I really appreciate this! And the comments I’ve had!
I guess because during school years I was always constantly bullied. So maybe that could be the reason I am today? Maybe that’s why I’m scared of people judging etc if that makes sense?
I really do appreciate every comment here!
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In terms of mental health I'd encourage people to find out what works for them thanks geckobat. Horses, courses... Exposure therapy should be done slowly and carefully, at times and in places which suit us. When/as we are comfortable with it. Some people prefer that to be planned and organised by someone else, others find doing it themselves may be better. We're none of us the same.
Bullying at school will inevitably have affected how and what you thought as you grew up ryleyyg. Because they often have such poorly developed emotional and empathic skills, children and adolescents can (and will) be utterly horrible to each other. Most also lack coping strategies. Those often require very careful consideration, planning and application, and most kids aren't good at that. That doesn't excuse bullying in my opinion, but I had the combined good fortune of being taught better and not knocking about with people who would tolerate or do that. Children are very easily influenced, often by each other. Many of us can be really quite competitive.
It's remarkably easy for us to isolate ourselves these days. For the last 5-6 years that's what I've done for the most part. I see a local schoolfriend whom I still know and two of my relatives. I sometimes talk to a few more people on the phone, but I don't like telephones. Sometimes I have a week or more when I don't speak to anyone. Almost all of my friends/former colleagues from Liverpool/Manchester now live abroad or down south.
The removal of my leg around that time has significantly complicated my disability and purchasing a suitable wheelchair has been a 'mare, but I'm confident I've done that now. I've spent much of those years plotting, planning and preparing how to get myself back out there, and I hope to rise (somewhat phoenix-like!) next Spring/Summer. I hope to do it slowly and carefully, and "love" myself into it. Encourage myself to enjoy myself. That's down to me.
One of the reasons I so enjoyed socialising when I was younger was that I had learned that the people I socialised/worked with were reliable, capable and really good fun. I looked forward to parties, events etc we (or others) organised, because I knew they would be entertaining. We were earning money but it rarely felt like hard work.
It will likely help you if you can work out doing things you enjoy. Perhaps finding places to go, things to see. Crafts, hobbies, all sorts goes on. I'd encourage you to do it at your own pace, when you're comfortable to. Love yourself into it. Each time you enjoy it your confidence should build. That's how I did it and hope to again.
If I was Yoda¹ or Mr Miyagi² I'd likely encourage both of us to try to challenge ourselves. Stretch our boundaries. There's only really us who may do it for ourselves, and there's a wonderful world out there. Lots of them!
If it was all good, always, we'd take it for granted and it wouldn't feel special. Human thinking is sometimes curiously obtuse and strangely unhelpful. We're all just playing parts.
As The Specials often sang, "Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think"!
Good luck¹
"Fear is the path to the dark side"
"You must unlearn what you have learned"
"Named must your fear be, before banish it you can"
"You will find only what you bring in."
"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter"²
"Balance is key"
"Bonsai choose own way grow, because root strong"
"Ambition without knowledge is like a boat on dry land"1 -
Dang! My very long post just disappeared. Fingers crossed that it comes back. That took me forever and a day to write. 🥹
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Small world, I sympathise!
I did the same thing the first time I typed what's above. It seems very easy to do. That (and because I can be a bit long-winded!) is why I usually write them in the jotter in my phone.
😇
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Thank you for your sympathy ☺️ Yeah, you think I'd have learned by now the simplicity and beauty of a draft. 😁
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