:(

fairybellsxox

I don't know what to do. In the summer I landed a job and It is working in a vetinary surgery, I loved the vibe, the people the animals. All of it. Ive found it very hard to adjust because obviously ive had to learn from the ground up but I have actually managed in the last 5 months to retain most of it, there have been lots of errors along the way, but ive always taken things on board and implimented systems to try and improve and prove I am taking it seriously and they seem to have worked for the most part. I have been having weekly meetings to check in with me, for my autism and adhd to see what supports that can be put in place, but they seem to have turned into them telling me where I am going wrong, and then telling me they feel they need extra input and support/help but this is missing :(

And we have discussed my errors and I have been showing them my ' systems ' to try and rectify those errors. Sadly the financial ones kept coming up. I mean bad ones whereby, Id get confused on the computer system and it would result in me charging a client ' too much ' or too little. Or having too tabs open and then confusing accounts because im overwhelmed because It's busy.In time ive felt steady improvement, but Im failing to show that because I have one month left in my probation and it's weighing on my heead SO much that it's like pressure, immense pressure.In my meetings, ive been explaining my side, but the notes just don't seem to reflect that and ive started feeling a bit targeted and very low in myself. I explained to them in the last meeting I had responded to an email cathy said she would handle, because I asked her for help and she said she would do it and let me know the outcome she was on holiday, so I naturally went through the process - When im in the back I do emails, we check merlin ( the system ) to see what has been actioned done, then we go ahead with it based of those notes.

I explained to my manager those notes read as we have what we need so proceed- The head nurse wrote in my notes - --- ( fairybells ) took it upon herself to not follow explicit instructions and went ahead with it anyway that's just one example

The injustice of those notes feels so unfair and im just said that that is how the headnurse, is percieving the whole thingI have only ever been kind and I desperately want this job. I composed an email explaining just how important I find accuracy and explaining to them I understand just how important it is to get the finance side of things accurate, and telling them I appreciate the chance and ill work on it.

Anyway, All of this has naturally got ontop of me and now it's causing issues in my relationship because I feel so low about work and things going wrong again and being fired, that Im scared im going to be jobless and routineless, and I am being a downer with my boyfriend. And today he broke down and said that my stress ontop of his stress is alot to carry and it's causing him to lash out at his friends and he doesn't know if he is what I need, that he loves me but he doesn't know if he can provide the level of support needed.

I feel so low and I don't know where to turn, I feel like too much and not enough in equil measure

Im sorry for the big paragraph of text

Trevor_PIP

@fairybellsxox you are doing your best, try not to worry and get down about it. May be somebody else can use the computer system and you do other tasks. You could have a word with the manager to see if you could swap tasks so you do not have to use the computer system. Have a chat with manager about it, he is the one to approach.

Rosie_Scope

Hi @fairybellsxox, welcome to the community. As Trevor said above, it sounds like you're really passionate about your job and you're doing what you can. I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling supported by some of the other staff when you're trying so hard.

Is there anyone at work who's been kind to you that you could talk through your worries with?

Do you think there's anything that would help you learn the systems easier? For example, having the process written down somewhere so you can reference what to do if you get stuck. That's just an example, but you might learn in a different way like recording the steps by audio or having someone show you and videoing or screenshotting it (perhaps on a test record to protect confidentiality). Then you can go over it if you have a quiet moment.

Is there anyone else you feel able to reach out to for emotional support? It must be tough for your boyfriend to have told you that he's not coping, but it's good that he was able to communicate it with you instead of bottling it all up. Hopefully you can find a way to support each other without feeling overwhelmed.