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Keeping friends

Biblioklept

Does anyone else really struggle with maintaining friendships?? I'm awful for not replying to people and it's never personal or about them but something just stops me sometimes, it's so stupid too because it usually happens when I'm feeling rubbish or lonely and then I end up more isolated because I'm awful at maintaining friendships! I would hate to have a friend like me because I'm just so bad at it 🤣

Sometimes I really can't seem to force my brain to do stuff no matter how much I want to!!!!

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Comments

michael57

You have kept your best friend from the first time you saw your reflection wether you like who you see I can't comment haha

Andi66

I just seem to get them who take advantage or dosent understand nureodiverse and accuses me of using it as a excuse, which isn't true. I have one true friend who is great, much older . Same as relationships , narcissistic. Can't win

Biblioklept

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1090974#Comment_1090974

I do enjoy my own company and like what I see, but I've had to stop talking to myself 🤭

Biblioklept

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1090984#Comment_1090984

Sorry @Andi66, that's definitely happened to me a lot too, especiacially when I was younger!!! How did you meet your one true friend? ❤️

Biblioklept

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1090987#Comment_1090987

Where can I claim £5?!

Andi66

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1090990#Comment_1090990

The church I used to go too, she don't go there now. She's help with with dwp forms, and been with me when I had my wca

66Mustang

You're the best friend @Biblioklept

My psychologist recently told me to try reversing the saying "do unto others as you'd have them do to you"

That saying is aimed at externalisers but people like me and you who internalise stuff are very quick to criticise ourselves, even downright abuse ourselves at times

In other words… don't say things about yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend, or anyone for that matter!!

If you had a friend who was as amazing as you but they didn't feel able to reply sometimes, would you tell them they're a bad friend??

❤️

michael57

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1090999#Comment_1090999

Worth a bit more nowadays

Ironside1990

I'I'm not very good at managing friendships, as i struggle to read people and i often say something that puts them off.

I'm happy being an island, but i'i'd prefer it if people were more patient. It's also a matter of knowing who to trust.

Littlefatfriend

I apologise if I wantonly waffle once more Biblioklept (great username BTW), but you did ask:
About 30 years ago a dissertation I chose to write for my first degree specifically referred to the brain biology which drove/drives me to dislike telephones.
Our tone of voice bereft of our facial expressions can easily lead to misunderstanding and misapprehensions. Satire, irony, sarcasm etc (ie the root of "English" and my sense of humour) often literally require a nod and/or a wink.
Ironically that coincided with our setting up the first of two digital marketing business, which constantly involved forming and building relationships with people using email and all manner of written communications, often translated into other languages. People we'd never meet in person.
In my opinion and experience human experience and relationships/expression have been vastly changed by that shift in culture.

Seen from a certain perspective it's been very freeing. It's very easy for me to contact the people I care about, and it's helped remind me of the ephemeral nature of friendship. It's always very easy to find new people with whom to share some craic.
In my opinion friendships have always relied on the friends I've had/have and I maintaining similar interests etc we can have conversations about. I think that's still much the same, just now there are SO MANY of us and we live for so long with completely diverse lives that it's often like shooting for fish in the ocean.
Careful aim can help!
😇

chiarieds

I can totally agree with @66Mustang @Biblioklept - I remember one time when you contacted myself & another member at the same time……you didn't say anything, & that was OK, as we both felt (& knew) you were being supportive, which mattered to us both a lot. You matter a lot to me ❤️ & you've taught me that sometimes a simple emoji can mean something when words escape us!

michael57

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1091074#Comment_1091074

I expect the trouble starts when the voices answer you back stick to gus and you will be fine unless it's the lottery numbers

OverlyAnxious

I don't have any real life friends left. Lost them before covid, as my physical health declined and I could no longer meet them. I see it as a two-way thing though, and if I can't provide them with anything, then why should they maintain contact? I do still like looking through Instagram once or twice a week, as it means I can see what they're up to without having to answer any awkward questions myself such as 'how are you?' or 'what have you been up to?'. 😅

I do feel lonely though, which is a major contradiction as I've always struggled to be around people. I can't think of any way that I'd meet new friends in my current circumstances, either in real life or through the internet, so just have to accept this position now.

Jane315STARX

I think it would be lovely to have a friend but I dont trust people anymore.My ideal friend would be a gay man ( love gay men,my old best friend was a gay man).They have style,charisma,I could go on and on.But anyway...Someone trustworthy with a sense of humour.A great listener,But who also shared their problems too.Someone who loves music,general knowledge,a broad interest really and basic common sense.But just trustworthy would be such a lovely thing.Not having a hidden agenda

Amberpearl

I don't really have anyone

Only an online freind who is in canada and has different views that I on Dr's meds and vets

I'm very much alone

That's why I have cats

Just been to physio

Biblioklept

There's been so many responses that are either heart warming or heart breaking and I just wanted to say I love you all so much!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ I won't spam by responding to everyone individually but thank you, so so much, just reading the replies from you all made me smile and feel a bit better and less of an issue

It's comforting to know other people get it, but I'm so sorry so many people are feeling lonely too 🙁

I think it's always amplified around this time of year, when everyone is talking about plans and get togethers and the internet is flooded with present hauls, celebrations and stuff. I'm my own worst enemy as well, because I LOVE seeing what people are up to and get so much enjoyment from seeing and hearing about others being happy, like truly I love it - but in the quiet moments I know I feel terribly lonely too

Nightcity

I have very few friends, it's partly my own fault because I allow my health to dictate for example because I can't handle too much change or interaction in a short time frame I panic and shut off causing people to walk.

Partly others fault as they often don't even try to understand or make the effort like I do.

It wasn't always that way oddly twenty years ago I had a lot of friends, but according to some they were not my friends but users, but that doesn't stop me missing them very much.

Although I like my space and struggle immensely to socialise I am very scared and frightened of my future and admit it.

I often speak to people in person by text to speak or messages, writing things etc they just think I'm intentionally being funny.

next year as unwell as it'll certainly make me I'm going to attempt to completely change and overhaul 40 years of virtual mutism and force myself to be normal hopefully I'll get somewhere.