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people who hate people being on benefits

amihere

What do you do about people who hate you being on benefits?

The news has been pushing an agenda to target people on benefits, i assume they are using the disabled as a scapegoat, but they are saying people on benefits earn too much (much more than they actually do too) and people are blaming them instead of their employers for their low incomes.

As a result i have had multiple people be nasty to me about it. I can ignore most people. one is a family member very close to me, which i am learning to accept, but yesterday i met up with an old friend who was extremely nasty about it. She said i was as bad as other people in the country (whatever that was supposed to mean) and was telling me i can work because i am fine. i didn't want to discuss my situation with her and because of that she said obviously i'm doing something shady because i won't tell her. It took me so long to get out of the house to meet her too, i almost didn't go out because going out is so difficult, she has no idea how crippling it can be and i am not comfortable talking about my situation yet.

That is a long story short.

What do you do about these people who take the media as gospel? I want to be honest but i am starting to think i should just lie to people and say i work.

Do other people have this problem or am i just around bad people?

Thank you <3

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Comments

Ross1975

I've luckily never encountered anyone being negative towards me because I'm on benefits. But I've seen plenty of hate from people online (not directed at me), with a lot of them it seems like jealousy, like they hate the fact that they have to get up early every morning and be stuck at work all day, whereas someone on benefits doesn't and can spend their time doing enjoyable things instead.

Personally if I had a friend like that I would ditch them, especially if I explained myself to them in the hope they would then understand yet they continued to be like that. I'd be like 'Bye! See you later!'. 😊

chiarieds

Hi @amihere - I doubt that people actually hate people on benefits, &, not to excuse what some people might say, I think it's down to a lack of understanding, some of the unfortunate rhetoric (not least from the Gov't) &, as you suggest, pretty lousy & inaccurate media 'reports.'

I'm also fortunate that no-one has ever been negative towards me. Your friend doesn't understand the struggles you have, but to presume you're doing something shady must have felt so unpleasant. You don't have to disclose anything to anyone you don't want to, so you did the right thing.

I don't know if this will help, but there's a really good website which counters misinformation. It's up to you whether you wish to share it with her: https://fullfact.org/

They also correct false statements by politicians, etc.

Yani09

These people are venting frustration at the people they are nudged to vent at.. It is easier to blame the ill and disabled for one’s problems. Life is tough for all.. A society that hates the ill and disabled is one in decline. Anyone may become ill or disabled and appreciate the support avaliable. If my friend was so mean.. well, it would be a case of ciao!

PhilG111

I've pointed out to more than a few, that I am also on benefits and both myself and My Wife work Full and part time respectively and then we both work full-time when we get home with our Son. There is no way, we are living the life of Riley, but we are comfortable.

Me and the Wife didn't claim benefits for the first 5 years of our son, (It was a nice little payback when we did though). Before our son, we might, have been able to claim a whole £50-60 and we were both working fulltime we were eking out a living. So in a sense I can see where the arguments come from, but they do need to do a case by case review of some of the claimants. There was a limit I think of £500 per week for benefits?

I barely get that working 40+ hours a week. Yet there are people on Benefits that somehow earn more.. if the DWP cant or wont find these people, maybe they should employ some of these newspaper reporters since they seem to be able to find some of these people at least once a week…

AndrewHall

I personally don't feel obliged to discuss my personal situation with anyone

amihere

Thank you all for your support <3

I think people saying to say goodbye to the friend might be right. I won't do it myself but she has not spoken to me since so i will allow her to walk away if she wants. It's crazy how a person can turn on you for something like that after over 25 years of friendship! I will get over it.

It is so embarrassing for me but i think i have to learn to accept what i am. I think the mindset around it is why i am so embarrassed in the first place. I almost died because i was too proud to get help, but i got through that, now i need to get through this in the same way i think.

I will keep being honest and if it costs my relationships then so be it. Honesty is one of the things that has helped me heal so it would be a shame to stop now.

As for the jealousy in people. I don't get £500 a week, but even if i did, their problem is with their employer, not me. These people never look at their company's yearly profits and demand more money from their boss. I'm not saying every company can afford to pay more, but i looked at the company profits of the company the other person in my story worked for and their company made multiple billions of pounds in profit alone in one year, but instead of asking the company for more money they complained to me because i get too much in benefits. These companies can usually afford it, but their greed prevents them from doing it. I think the problem is looking at profits rather than if they can live a good life. But that is another topic!

I survive because i make big cuts in my lifestyle. I do not have subscriptions, fancy phones or gadgets, i do not shop or consume products, i even forage what food i can (which is great therapy too. I highly recommend it!). People who are addicted to shopping and resteraunts and they always need new things seem to be blaming outsiders for not having enough money. This is another topic too i think and i think i am going overboard so i will stop myself here.

Thank you all for the responses and the support <3 it is great to have other people to speak to openly

amihere

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1092477#Comment_1092477

I can see your replies. And thank you for the responses <3

I don't know if there are others that did not show up, but i can see 4 replies from you.

I wanted to address each post individually but it was a lot so i did a general reply to everybody trying to cover all the points. I did address your point too, i think. Not the tiktok part because i don't know anything about tiktok, i don't use the internet apart from here really. I am not interested in tiktok. It took me long enough to figure this place out :)

66Mustang

I'm of the opinion that the truth isn't always the best course of action, and I don't consider myself deceitful or manipulative

I suppose "economical or creative use of the truth" is more apt

For example, I have some family members who are very wealthy and conservative – they're pleasant enough to be around but I'm tactical with what I disclose… e.g. I can tell them I trade on the stock market (which I do, with extremely small amounts compared to most people) and have a pretty decent conversation about bonds, ETFs, foreign exchange or whatever they throw up in an attempt to impress

None of what I'll say to them is a lie… just I often buy and sell 100 shares in a company, rather than 100 thousand 😆

Likewise if I'm in a mental health group I go to at a local church - more than one member whom is on the borderline of poverty - while I can relate just as much to them, I obviously have to be equally tactical… i.e. not bring in the stock market to that setting!! I've traded with amounts less than £100 but to the uninformed it just comes across as grandiose, so why bring it up?

amihere

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1092827#Comment_1092827

thank you for your insight.

That is the kind of thing i was doing up until recently. I have many interests and have made my interests a very small income in the past, though not really any more. Some of my interests are simple things like gardening or woodwork and some are more technical like signal processing or programming, so i would tell them about the thing that suited the scenario i am in the most, much like you do. I have made some money from all these things but not any more, but they don't have to know that.

The problem is it feels deceitful and i was hoping to be more honest about it moving forward. I think you might be right though. Even though i haven't lost anybody that important if they are willing to treat me like that, it's just horrible to have to defend myself. I guess this event was my real life test :)

Thanks

66Mustang

@amihere

I know how you feel I think

I guess, you don't need a rule to fit everybody: you can always disclose different things, and different amounts of information, depending on your relationship with each person?

An uncle whom I see once a year I'd be more comfortable holding stuff close to my chest. With a best friend, sibling, partner … I don't have any secrets and am comfortable telling them anything; I think if I wasn't then I'd question my relationship with that person rather than doubting myself or my own values

Most people will be somewhere in the middle of those two polars though! I guess the only thing to remember is it's up to you what you tell people… with very few exceptions others don't have an automatic right to know 😊