Too sensitive to live

sosad999

I'm realising that I am too sensitive to live in this world. I can't have normal relationships/friendships without catastrophic over thinking that either drives me mad or drives the other person mad meaning I'll lose them anyway at some point when I drive them away.

I am currently looking after a friends pets whilst they're on holiday but once they're back it feels like the green light to put an end to this.

Biblioklept

Please please please talk to a professional that can help you unpack these feelings!!

I care very deeply about people and find I get hurt a lot because of it, not necessarily through their actions but because I feel what they feel, even people I don't know. I'm also a chronic overthinker and catastropise most things, I've definitely felt the "I'm going to drive this person away anyway so may as well do it now" kind of feelings and thoughts.

Whhen you're feeling negative it's so easy to only look for negative things and not appreciate all the beauty and good in the world.

Your friends have trusted you with their pets, it shows they value respect and trust you! You've not driven them away. Instead of looking for signs to end things, look for reasons to keep going.

We all need a little rain to appreciate the sun, but don't get focussed on the rainy parts ❤️

Catherine21

Oh I understand completely I really do im a great empath that' makes me want to solve everyone's problems even strangers !! Seemed I was always worried about not being good enough as a friend partner mother ive pushed everyone away in the past and I have isolated big time but now I choose to keep my circle small ive known someone for 10 years and tried everything to test them push them away scream shout and they still understand and over time you stop pushing and start relaxing that not all people will leave the hardest part is letting people in and believing that you are safe with them start putting all the energy back into you its not easy when your used to helping sacrificing your own needs to please or help others you are so worthy of all you desire just start daily saying one nice thing to yourself everyday manifests sensitive people are the kindest to all around them choose you and good things will follow slowly slowly your life matters you matter ❤️

sosad999

Thanks for the replies.

I've always been sensitive to others emotions and feelings and I think it made me a prime candidate for being bullied as a kid and then in a controlling relationship for 27 years. Its getting worse though. Death would be easier than living like this.

I did speak with CMHT yesterday and they said that as my meds review is 10 days away, its about keeping myself safe until then. Thing is death doesn’t feel real at the moment, like it could happen this weekend and it wouldn’t be real. Sorry I can’t make that make any sense but it does to me

Rachel_Scope

I'm so sorry for how you're feeling @sosad999. You've been through so much and I'm sorry it's not getting any easier. What can you do to keep yourself safe until your medication review? We're always here to talk to.

sosad999

I'm cat sitting until Friday and I will see a friend at some point over the weekend. I'll be working (if I can manage it) and I'm seeing my best friend on Monday after work for a walk. I think she is so sick of me though. I'm so difficult, so intense and just not worth the effort. She kept saying that I will end up pushing people away out of fear and I dismissed that comment, especially where she is concerned, but there are times when I wish we hadn't go so close. I take on her emotions, I'm so scared of rejection that I'm in a constant state of panic. Its nothing she says or does, I generate it all myself. Death would sort it

Rachel_Scope

But death is very final and is definitely not the answer. Your brain is being very unkind to you, you're not difficult and you are worth the effort. You might feel that pushing people away will be better but I promise you it isn't. I've been through very similar feelings so I understand.

Lets focus on the positives: you're cat-sitting which is lovely! What's their name? If you're not feeling up to working don't worry, what is it that you do? You don't have to share that if you don't want to 😊 Where will you go for a walk? It's always good to get out in the fresh air, it never fails to make me feel better.

pburns1337

Please always talk to your GP or a mental health worker and tell them you are having these ideas. If the thoughts are getting very strong and persistent, go to your nearest hospital A&E department.

You are having these thoughts because you are unwell, probably temporarily. Don't ever give up on the idea that you will one day find other people like you, people you can be comfortable with and that even at some point, you will feel that all your suffering was not completely in vain. This is how it has turned out for me.

Kiki23

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sosad999

I'm waiting on a call back from CMHT but realistically what can they do? Suicide feels inevitable, maybe not today, but inevitable.

I have good things in my life - amazing friends and family, a house, a gorgeous cat (who is ill), good job so I know I'm in the fortunate category but it doesn't balance out this agony

Catherine21

I dont think some people understand the terror you feel when you think your losing someone its like a bereavement it feels that painful but the person lor people still alive so it feels like it prolongs the pain it is truly painful but it goes deeper than the person we are morning it triggers all the pain we accumulated as a child growing up or on our lifes journey worrying endlessly that we will be abandoned as this person or persons are the only ones who can take my pain away this is not true and if people do leave its ok yes its painful but its ok we have faced so so so much to have these feelings and fears we are so much stronger than most people its ok to be scared its ok if people leave trust the process of life people come and go we still remain we have a spirit a strong spirit I bet you care deeply I can imagine your a kind soul with so much to give start investing in you give yourself that care as you tenderly look after your friends cat look after yourself say something nice to yourself everyday I understand how your feeling I want to say it does get better as you get older and it does day by day our worth is not on the people around us our worth is inside us ❤️

Rachel_Scope

I'm so glad that you have so many positives in your life @sosad999. I know your brain is telling you this now but it can change believe me. Will you let us know how the call with CMHT goes?

sosad999

CMHT weren't useful but then to be fair, I don't know what I expected them to do. There's no magic wand after all.

I spoke to my best friend after the call and she asked me to take suicide off the table, to try to stop seeing it as an option. She said its stressful not knowing if I'm going to act on it. I took this in the way it was intended which was out of love. That in itself is an achievement because I'm awful at assuming what someone is actually saying is 'you're too much, too hard work' but I think I'm finally getting it where she is concerned.

I just wish I could dial down my compassion/empathy levels. I cry more about other people's sadness, fears etc than my own. But its becoming a problem all of its own. I know I love too much, too intensely and it hurts. I just want an off switch