Catching up
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Hello Christine Darling β£οΈππΌππ€
What's the date for your scan results? I will burn some incense that day for good luck - your favourite.
Do you have in mind a grief recovery idea? For me recovery means that I am able to balance the tough feelings and the easy feelings. I don't believe there are good feelings and bad feelings, or negative feelings and positive feelings. We need all of them in my experience. But it is when there's too much of anything that we live in imbalance. So in that sense I feel that I have recovered, even though I often get sucked up into a black hole of difficult feelings. But I'm able to find my way out, so I consider that recovery. Difficult feelings or thoughts in my experience are only difficult because I have not learned to express them. That includes grief. So the more I allow myself to feel grief, the more comfortable I am with it and the less difficult it becomes. Does that make sense?
Did you manage to go swimming? I love swimming but it's too much of a pain in the bum to get there, to get in the pool, to get out and to get back home. All in all it takes me half a day. And I just don't have half a day. So I do my exercise at home every day, typically in the morning, for about 2 hours every day. Do you exercise at home?
I love watching cat videos on YouTube, and my guess is that you do also. Here are a couple of my favorites from this week...
I'm about to make a huge freezer soup, so you are big on my mind, as I know this is something that you like to make too. I'm making a green soup of peas, green beans, corn, spinach and white kidney beans. Here's a pic of the ingredientsβ¦
Have a beautiful day. Much love to you, Sweetie and Little Fox. ~Cristina πππ
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Hiya babe,
Can't believe I've been absent for this long. Have been immersed in creating my textiles (finishing old and starting new) and swimming (such a shame it's so difficult for you). I still have to get on that treadmill. You are good with your 2 hours a day. I'm pleased with myself when I get the half hour swim about 4 times a week.
Thank you so much for the funny cat posts. Made me laugh despite the worrying scan results I randomly came across this morn. Significant non critical findings with 2 sites that may be residual cancer or just scar tissue. Beside myself with worry. Have my phone call tomorrow morn to discuss it and how to move forward. I assume a fine needle biopsy to extract the cells to test for cancer. Thought I'd put all this behind me, having drawn a line under it and moved on to being creative again. Death looms large until I have that phone call. I wasn't worried at all before, assuming it was a check in before the next actual appt where I go in with sis. The worry is now immense.
I like your thing of seeing difficult feelings as recovery when you have balance and can move through them. My grief comes in massive waves and I drown in it until it naturally subsides. I've just had a list of bereavement counselling things but don't hold out much hope because I'm already in therapy. I see grief as being very separate. Worked for my sis so I'll give it a go if they'll accept me.
Like the incense happy vibes for my phone call. Have therapy in the afternoon so will make better sense of it all. Always regain some perspective. Will pop in at some point tomorrow with news. If it is cancer I'll probs need my face cut open and a flap of skin to piece together the bit that's been removed. Anywhere but my face. Just dreading what will possibly happen next.
Been lashing down most days here but luckily no flooding. I'm half way up a hill so I'm ok. Awful seeing the flooded homes on the news. Heard the Council will buy up the properties because nobody will buy them and so the poor people go through this every year now. There was even a massive burst water pipe in Kensington and homes were flooded.
Off to grab a cuppa and try to settle down a bit. I'm going from absolute terror of having cancer again to being wiped out and needing to sleep. It's all just too much. The waiting drives me mad.
I must get some pics of my new textile MAM 1 - REMNANTS OF A LIFE LOVED. Created with all the bits of granny squares we made when I was a child and a massive pompom fringe. It's so dark in my house without the sunshine.
Sorry again for not popping in. Time is such a strange creature now. I have no balance. It's all or nothing. I've had to sleep a lot too. Was on a roll until today.
See ya tomorrow hun xxx
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Good morning, Christine Darling π π
Looking forward to hearing your update. Good luck today!
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Hiya,
Such a beautiful pic! I have horse shoes hanging in the garden too.
Such an anxious wait but nearly there. Will pop back to let you know.
Love xxx
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Hi babe,
Absolutely fuming. No call today, not even to rearrange the call. Can't be that urgent or they'd be chasing me. But I need that biopsy to rule out cancer or confirm with a new treatment plan. Left a message with my cancer nurse but no call back yet. Will pop back when I know something. I despair of the NHS.
Love xxxπ²
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Darn it all! Keep us posted! I just bought an iron horseshoe a few weeks ago as I started missing the one I had back in the 80s. We're in synch!π
Love and Hugs to you, Sweetie and Little Fox,
Cristina π
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Hiya, Still waiting. Cancer nurse obviously run off his feet as hasn't got back to me after 3 messages. Rang the surgeons secretary and she's chasing it up. I was on the list so doesn't understand what has happened. So worried. Will come back to you when I know more.
Love xxx
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Hello!
So I've been given a new date for next Tues because it's only the surgeon who can read the scans and she's only in on a Tues. And because I was missed nobody else can deal with it. I'm so very worried that it is cancer, either left over from the surgery in Nov or new growth. Urgent biopsy needed to determine either way. Nothing to be done. Wondering if this would happen to private patients. Nobody is telling me anything. Fuming!
Going to crack on with some textiles today to absorb some time until I conk out. I must get a pic of my textile to show you what I do. You can google me on my very old websites (needs updating since mam with new works to add): ccunningham-textileartist .Has links to Womanhood Collection and both Natural and Womanhood galleries. Never thought I'd be a feminist but I assume I am now looking at my work.
Forgot to mention your soup making. So easy to batch cook and pop out the freezer for the week. I took a ic of my smoothie making tother day so will post that too when I come back.
Going to grab a cuppa and get stuck in. Hope to get a cheeky swim in later too but I might need a big sleep with all the stress.
Lots of love xxxπ
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Scope, will you please separate this private chat from the the main thread as it has taken over the World Mental Health Day discussion. We will have another one this year and I don't want to keep scrolling past dozens and dozens of pictures. Thank you.
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Great idea!
@ChristineC1 I checked out your website and your work is spectacular! You're a pro!!!! How can you create such beauty when you're so broken with grief? It's a real struggle for me in making my jewellery, and I'm nowhere near that. Not even in the same ballpark!
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Oh, and here's that soup. I don't typically use frozen vegetables, but I had to use those up. So when thawed, I add milk and purΓ©e it....
This is a freezer root soup I made recently (mostly butternut squash, sweet potato, carrots, coconut oil, sweet onion, fresh ginger and curry)....
I have a really bad GI tract, so these soups are perfect for that!
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Hi babe,
Soups look yum! I just throw all the veg in and whatever else is on the list for Rhonda Patrick's longevity healthy eating. I did laugh at your bread. Look again and see the faces having a chin wag! I see faces everywhere. It's my secret thing that makes me laugh every time.
Love that you love my textiles. I've been creating since school but the website needs a good revamp and all my new works photographed and added. I love my Womanhood series, creating works from experiences and just really loving the freedom of abstract design. Still haven't got my grief one photographed. Need to scramble up the ladder and get a rail from the loft. I have to hang it to create the sleeve and have lots of pompoms to add and more to make.
Saw the post on doing our chats as a private thing but don't know how. Just got to grips with finding you in the top corner!
Sweetie is out chasing foxes while I get ready for bed so I'll go and get her in now. She has me up at 6.30 and has the cheek to go back to bed at lunchtime, sleeps all afternoon and then demands cherru's when she finds me beavering away when she wanders in. It's so lovely though when she plays in her fave box with her babies. Don't think she'd like a real little one. Likes all the attention herself.
I've calmed down with the whole cancer thing but waiting until next week is doing my nut in. Hoping my cancer nurse will ring me by end of week. Lip does feel more swollen than before. I thought it was just with eating. Worried it's the cancer growing.
Oh, I got lots of info from Cruse on the grief situation. Can't have 1:1 as nothing in my area but other things there to look into. It's taken me 5 years to reach out for help. Have another one too so fingers crossed. Glad mam and dad don't have to see me go through another cancer but I wish I had them near me. I find creating the textiles helpos take me away from whatever the stress is. I know it will still be there but creates some balance in my day. Didn't get that swim in but hoping to tomorrow.
Night hun bun xxx
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Scope?
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Hi everyone βΊοΈ I've separated this off as requested so you can keep on chatting and catching up away from the World Mental Health Day post.
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Thank you so much, @Rosie_Scope π
Good morning @ChristineC1
Have you heard yet from the doc?
Did you go to school for your textile art? I too find my jewellery making takes me away from difficult thoughts and feelings. Sometimes it helps process them.
The suggestion was to split the thread because the title of the last thread was about Mental Health Day, but we have veered way off that topic. So it is a good idea to split the thread.
So I'm unclear as to whether you've started a new grief group, or whether you're looking for a new grief group.
I'll hang my horseshoe today to send you air hugs and good luck with the phonecall from your docπ€
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Hi babe,
Had a call from my cancer nurse and I have to just wait for next Tues to see what the scans mean and if I go for a biopsy to determine cancer / scar tissue. Wouldn't answer my question as to where the biopsy would be re if I can go myself without getting sis down. No explanation as to why I was missed on the call Tues so just stirred up more angst about the delay etc. But good news is that they see the scan results when they come in and thought it wasn't urgent enough to call me asap for a biopsy. Did my textiles to calm down but doesn't take away the worry of the cancer still being there and having to have my face reconstructed with more surgery. So a really sh t day.
Forgot to say, when I have my soups I add collagen powder (get it on Amazon) and seeds (variety) for healthy being. I haven't tried making individual soups and just throw loads of veg at it. Rhonda Patrick is a source of healthy living and longevity.
Must try for a swim today. Really knocked off course with the whole cancer / scans situation this week. Do you have anything planned? I always look for a bit of sparkle in my day. Had a smiley face in the bubbles of my denture tablet soak for my mouth guard (really grind my teeth after mams passing).
More sewing today. I really must try harder to get some pics. I had a fab teacher at school who inspired my love of textiles but already had the hand embroidery, crochet and knitting foundation from being little. Won prizes for my hand embroidery bag and Family Tree in junior school. Still have it. Can still place myself back in that time sewing and mam helping me with the hard bits. She was a wonderful seamstress and created loads of clothes for us and her own wedding dress. I have that safely bagged up in the loft. Too upsetting to get down but I might next time sis comes to visit (April). She was chatting about it being like Kate Middleton's dress and that I should sell it. Wouldn't dream of it. Mam gave it to me because she knew I'd cherish it like she did.
Off to get Sweetie in. She's already been out trying to catch the birds but failed miserably now she's a bit of a hefty girl. Too slow with her many treats.
Chow for now, love xxxπ
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