Cpstd

Catherine21
Catherine21 Online Community Member Posts: 9,699 Championing

Just being recently diagonsed with cptsd makes so much sense but also unlocking doors in my head has been so painful and starting to trust my psychtrist for her to be leaving has left me so exposed i feel such a sense of loss within myself at 54 understanding i have really been coping with so much all my life since the age of 3 i can remember being so unhappy and feeling different now im 54 im tired mentally drained the constant hummimg in my head 24/7 the feeling of being completly useless i feel like a child i have no coping skills all i can do is isolate to stay protected i am like a sponge i soak every invorememt in my memory getting worse seems spelling getting worse i think i get Sad in summer the summer makes me feel so ugly other people love hot days i feel awful

Comments

  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 15,407 Championing

    It's definitely something that can explain a lot of things while at the same time – a bit like how you say it – opening the door to many more mysteries

    Some things are so intrinsic that it's a revelation to find out they're pathological – or even just different to most people

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 3,269 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    You've definitely dealt with a lot and it's such a shame that your psychiatrist is leaving after you've built such a good relationship. I'm sad to see you say you feel ugly on hot days. Have you spoken to someone about that feeling?

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Online Community Member Posts: 9,699 Championing

    Yes understanding isolation is the only thing that keeps me semi stable and all this welfare reform like many of us has really made me remember that i do not function in the outside world at all so very triggering and yes all the years my mum said whats the matter with you now ! Remebering i didnt have the love and support and how i still crave that from my mum really has opened alot of wounds quiet sad really

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Online Community Member Posts: 9,699 Championing

    Yes was diagonsed with body dismorphia but i think its conected to cptsd and i know people who dont suffer with mental health will understand but these things are real and very impacting

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Online Community Member Posts: 9,699 Championing

    I know gosh the first few sessions i was like get me out of here but i seen how caring and kind she is really helped me open up she called me and apoligsed for leaving was very kind about me she said some lovely things i never allow myself to form bonds but i did

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 3,269 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    I'm really hopeful that you'll be able to build a bond with a new psychiatrist. I feel that the impact our childhood environment has on us is often underestimated. I had a difficult childhood so I make sure that my children don't have that same experience. It's very brave of you to seek help and try to understand yourself better.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Online Community Member Posts: 9,699 Championing

    Oh bless ypu rachel it really does it can be broken my daughter brought a flat went to uni has a really good job mind you did help that her dad helped with all the homework or god knows lol

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 3,269 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    That's great about your daughter! You'll have played a big part in her success, it's not all about the homework 😊