Domestic abuse

Pinto

A few years ago I was diagnosed with bi polar. My ex husband continuously told me I was sick and was physically abusive. I got help with my adult daughter and my diagnosis of bipolar was taken away and a new diagnosis of complex ptsd due to abuse was put in place, I'm now coming off of all meds. My 15 year old witnessed alot and I called social services and got support in place which is still ongoing . My ex is being abusive again to me via solicitor letters and I spoke to victim support who said to let social services know and they will provide help too. I'm so worried they will think I'm not coping, but this last year with him gone has been the happiest with my children, with decorating, travelling and lots of love from family and friends . Any helpful advice right now will help me. I had years of being told I'm useless and unwell and every now and again that thought creeps in

Rachel_Scope

Hi @Pinto. I'm so sorry for what you experienced with your ex husband. It takes a lot of strength to leave an abusive relationship and get help. Are you worried about social services thinking you aren't coping? What are you worried might happen if that's the case?

Pinto

Ironically we are coping better than ever. He horded horribly and I've cleaned the house (spending money for rubbish companies to clear the worst) we've decorated too and made sure the children have a home. I've kept shouting for help and got a domestic abuse support worker in place for my teen and a counsellor too. I'm well and feeling strong coming off all meds with my mental health team. But he calls me unwell even through a solicitor, and I doubt myself

Rachel_Scope

I'm so glad you're coping so well, it sounds like you've come really far. Is your ex husbands goal to get custody of your children? I'm wondering why a solicitor is involved.

Have you been able to talk about this with your mental health team? It's such an awful thing to do to make you question yourself.

Pinto

The solicitor is for the divorce and to arrange mediation about our teen if appropriate. He says he wants to see our child but hasn't done anything about it. This week I've also discovered my ex took almost a 1000 pounds of saved christmas and birthday money from our teen in 2023 when he was still living here. I know logically he's a bad person and me trying to do things fairly is just an opportunity for him to get to me.

Rachel_Scope

Ah I see. I'm not familiar with how divorce proceedings work, but do you have a solicitor that's helping you? If so, could they deal with letters so you don't have to deal with the stress? Sorry if that's not at all possible.

Pinto

Hi thank you for reaching out. The solicitor is for me and has been so helpful. But she doesn't mix her words and my ex will get more hateful. Victim abuse will be able to help me understand and cope with his responses to the solicitor and of course if it went to court. It's knocked me a bit and I need to remember what he says isn't true

Rachel_Scope

Thanks for explaining. I'm glad victim abuse is involved and can help you. I think it's very difficult when someone is constantly telling you that something is true to not start believing it. I know you're coming off your meds but are you going to continue to see a counsellor or something similar? Do you have any friends or family that you can confide in?

Pinto

Hi yes I am under mental health who I can talk to any time. I have trauma counselling coming up. Also an amazing family, friends and manager

Rachel_Scope

That's so good to hear. I hope the trauma counselling makes a real difference for you. You've come so far and I'm sure you can go even further 😊

Catherine21

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1116200#Comment_1116200

Wow you dome amazing he wants you to be down easier to control he must be lost knowimg you are getting stronger and hes getting weaker they rely on words cruel actions its all they know embrace all your achievements your a caterpillar emerging into a butterfly you deserve every bit of peace of mind honestly one day his words wont hurt as much sometimes we just let go its hard as they dont make it easy but you are so strong i wish you all the happiness in the world x

Pinto

This means so much