I'm in crisis after a bereavement

Commanded2bwell

My Dad died, two months ago. He went into hospital at the end of February and never came out. He was supposed to. They constantly promised us he would be discharged. They gave us false hope. He had no proper end of life care.

I can't get over it. I can't process it. I think these are my problems:

Dad Died in horrible circumstances and I couldn't save him from it.

He didn't get end of life care, during which we could all have been supported and he could have talked to us, and we could have had his words to take forward.

I had a late diagnosis of autism as a result of many problems I was having. I had no counselling or education. I had to figure it all out myself, and this meant wasted years of problems which created a distance between us.

I have always had my people around me. My close knit small family. No kids of my own, no partner, no friends (the mid life autism and mental health crisis killed all possibility of this). I've always been happy knowing my people where there. Now, one of them is gone forever and it's blown a huge hole in my world... and I can't rely on my mum and sister because they're grieving, too.

I have no friends. Literally none. My sister and mum have many friends, and good ones. They make friends easily and find good people. I can't understand how. My social life has always been a disaster. And now I feel isolated and alone at the worst time.

I have no job and several failed attempts at a career. I'm doing a degree but it is unlikely to lead to anything, now. The world has changed. AI killed it. I'm behind the curve. I feel like I have no purpose, no direction, nothing to get up for in the morning.

I'm sitting in the car park of a supermarket just to try to feel connected, to feel part of the world, to see activity around me.

I'm in my late forties. Too old for most things, too young for others. I might live another 40 years. I hate the idea. I have to at least outlive my mum and sister to spare them any more pain, and I'm not suicidal... I just don't know how I'll face it.

I know that proper end of life care would have made a huge difference. I know that having friends like those my sister has would be a huge support, right now. I know that having a real job would help me have direction and purpose: Dad was a Firefighter, he made a difference in the world, and his funeral was standing room, only. I am so proud of him.

I will never live up to his legacy. I will never have that connection or purpose in life. I feel lost, alone, empty and every day his absence hits me like a ton of bricks and I don't know how to live with it. One of my people is gone, my small world is even smaller, and I can't see a way forward.

Holly_Scope

Hi @Commanded2bwell

Firstly, I’m sorry that there was a delay with your post appearing. It was captured by our automatic filter.

I can’t imagine how difficult this grieving process is for you and your family, especially given the end-of-life circumstances and care in the hospital. Your Dad sounds like an amazing person who lived an interesting and rewarding life from what you’ve mentioned in your earlier post. I can see how things must be feeling heavy and isolating at the minute and I’m sorry that you don’t have the friendship circle around you to lean on, but I’m pleased you can talk about things here.

Have you thought anymore about the grief counselling and support information my colleague shared? I appreciate it’s not someone close, and it’s a difficult step putting yourself out there to talk but sometimes speaking to someone who understands a bit better what you’re going through and has the skills to help guide and support you can help with healing, especially if you’re feeling very alone with this.

I’m going to pop you an email with some additional information too, so please keep an eye out for it.

Bluebell21

Hi @Commanded2bwell Unfortunately there is no easy way to deal with grief and it can feel overwhelming.

Have you managed to have any bereavement counselling?

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/grief-bereavement-loss/

Also have you managed to contact Cruse from the link I gave you in your previous thread. Just in case you have not managed to here it is again.

https://www.cruse.org.uk

You do not have to manage your grief on your own there are people to help you.

Take care.