On the periphery

sosad999

I'm spiralling. I drank too much last night, self-harmed quite a bit. I feel like I'm on the periphery of everyone's life so if I died, it wouldn't have a huge impact. That makes me feel incredibly sad but at the same time, freeing.

Emotionally, I have a lot going on- new therapy, best friend leaving where we work and my usual friendship issues which granted are in my head most of the time but feel very real and not believing them comes with a risk of its own.

Don't know how much I can manage right now

Rosie_Scope

Hey @sosad999. So sorry to hear things are difficult at the moment and that you've felt like hurting yourself. Please try to make sure you're looking after any injuries as much as you can and seek medical help if you need to. Remember that your CMHT are there to help, so please do consider letting them know you're having a rough time. And if you're ever feeling really unsafe, you can ring 999 or go to your nearest hospital. I've given you this information as part of our safeguarding policy.

I'm sure you mean a lot to the people around you even if you don't feel like you do right now. I know it must be so hard to feel like you're loved and wanted when there are so many thoughts are telling you otherwise. But from all that you've told us before about your friend, they care about you deeply and you do have a big impact on their world.

It sounds like a lot is changing and that's not easy to cope with. New therapy can be such a shift too and can really throw you off in all sorts of unsettling ways. Please try to be as kind to yourself as you can manage over the next few days. I know that's not easy sometimes but you're dealing with some really tough things and deserve some rest and kindness.

How are you finding the therapy? Do you think you'd be able to talk to them about how you've been feeling about things over the last few days?