Housing situation

NeuroNavDan28

Hi everyone,

My previous housing provider’s failure to provide accessible support during my move has been continuing to have a significant impact on my mental health. I feel heavily disadvantaged because of this failure. I cannot live in a fully functional and safe home while others can. I have been living in my flat for about two months and I still need carpeting and a wardrobe. It has made it hard to fully settle in my property.

This situation is not a typical adjustment period. I feel that others are not considering the harm of my previous housing provider’s failures and treating the extra tasks and as a minor inconvenience to be fixed. My mum comparing my situation to when she had to sort out her house when she and my dad moved. I now another window rod because the wind keeps blowing it down. This triggered a thought that my dad was asking me why I did not tell him about the curtain rod frequently up. In the thought, I felt I was put in the position where I had to express that he was not considering the ongoing harm of my former landlord’s failure. These thoughts left me feeling misunderstood. 

I have been thinking that others think the situation with my previous housing provider is over now that I have my appliances. I have been hypothetical thoughts of my mum telling me to move on from the failure's failure to support me. In the thought, I had to defend that I cannot move on when they are the cause of my current difficult in living in my property.

I have been feeling singled out and isolated when hearing my neighbors talk, because I feel like the only one who does not have my flat fully sorted out yet. I worry that my neighbors only see me as the person who does not have their property together. My feelings of being singled out and isolated have triggered a scenario where one of my neighbors mentioned to my parents that they never see me come out of my flat and said they hoped I was alright. In response, my dad claimed to them that I was mistreating him and my mum, hiding what really happened to me. This put an incredibly unfair burden on me. In the thought, I had to defend myself to the neighbor right there, explaining that I was not mistreating anyone, at a time that I was vulnerable. The hypothetical scenario left me feeling unfairly targeted and deeply isolated.

On top of this, I am feeling a lot of anxiety about keeping my property tidy. I find myself constantly anticipating being told that I am not complying with my tenancy agreement regardless of explaining my situation. I have been feeling guilt because I am required to keep it tidy as a tenant. 

All of this has triggered intense thoughts rooted in real, painful past experiences with my former support worker and my tenancy & wellbeing officer. They applied neurotypical expectations of how I should seek support onto me. 

For me, inner thoughts are not just noise - they are a very real, valid part of my ongoing experience, and how I process the impact of situations. 

Rosie_Scope

Hey @NeuroNavDan28, that all sounds really difficult to deal with. It's so important to feel safe and settled in your home and with all that's happened to you it's understandable that you're not feeling that yet. What happened between you, your parents and the neighbours doesn't sound easy to cope with either.

Is there anything that might help you feel more supported in what you're going through?

I hope some of our community will share some kind words and advice too. It sounds like there's a lot to process at the moment and that must be really hard.