Struggling and feeling fed up

QuietOak

I feel so fed up and worn down from everything. Tonight I reached out to Samaritans via online chat (I struggle with phone calls) but that actually made me feel worse they didn’t really acknowledge the thoughts and urges I was having quite badly and the stuff they said, felt like we’re both in a wrong wavelength. So I just feel a bit lost and overwhelmed. Basically I’ve been physically unwell for some time recently and it’s really getting to me. I’m waiting for some test results and panicking about that. My relationship is questionable due to his own issues and financial trouble and him being in crisis too and him sharing his thoughts and urges really haven’t helped me.

I’ve been struggling with thoughts of self harm and suicidal thoughts and just feel a bit lost in this moment and feel alone.
Also this heatwave is really really getting to me, I have POTS and we are supposed to have 37 from Wednesday and it’s making me so depressed. I feel so unwell in this weather.

I also have severe emetophobia (phobia of vomit) so being unwell with my stomach as well as from the heat is sending my anxiety sky high. I’m sooo fed up. I also have autism and ADHD and I find everything so overwhelming right now. I’m on constant verge of tears yet I haven’t cried for weeks! I haven’t had any interest in doing any of my hobbies for months which is also very long time. I don’t know if and when I’m gonna get better.

I had a phone appointment with the GP integrated mental health service and that went well however I don’t speak to her next until 4 weeks time. I’m talking to my therapist on Friday but I’m more worried about how I feel right now and how to get through the whole week. I just feel a lot of things at once and I’m sorry if I don’t make any sense as it just all have bottled up. I wasn’t sure where else to turn to but remembered this place.

Holly_Scope

Hi QuietOak, I’m so sorry for how you’ve been feeling recently – it sounds like you have a lot coming at you from all angles at the minute which can be incredibly overwhelming, and the heat really adds to that, especially if you are suffering physically.

You’ve done the right thing reaching out to your GP and mental health services but appreciate when you’re feeling so low in the moment, you need someone there and then to talk to – I’m just sorry you didn’t find Samaritans helpful.

I’m going to send you a more detailed email with some additional information so please keep an eye out for this.

SwiftFox

Try and join a woman's group if you can or I've heard where there is women shed groups

around. You'll probably find someone just like you and maybe get a chance to talk things over.

I wish you well

Ross1975

Hi, QuietOak, I'm sorry you're going through this right now.

I think when you're in the middle of an active crisis and experiencing severe anxiety or thoughts of self harm the absolute last thing you need is the pressure to go out, seek out strangers, or try to join a new social group. Forcing yourself into a brand new social environment like a community club or shed while completely overwhelmed is not a safe or realistic solution, it can actually increase your panic, worsen your sensory overload, and does nothing to keep you safe tonight.

Because you mentioned needing support to get through your night and the rest of this week the best thing you can do right now is stay exactly where you are and keep things as quiet as possible. Since you prefer text over phone calls, you can text SHOUT to 85258. It is a completely free confidential 24/7 crisis text line in the UK where you can message a trained volunteer from the comfort of your own home in the exact moment you are struggling.

Please just focus on staying cool, resting, and taking things one hour at a time until you see your therapist on Friday. You do not need to push yourself to do anything heavy or social right now, your immediate safety and comfort are the only things that matter.

Bluebell21

Hi @QuietOak I am so very sorry you are feeling unwell, lost and overwhelmed at the moment. The heat just makes everything worse as it is not something we are used to.

I hope it has helped just a little bit to have reached out to Scope and been able to tell us how you are feeling at the moment.

The problem with bottling things up as I am sure you know it that it has to be let out at some stage.

There is usually someone on the forum even in the early hours of the morning, so please know you can talk on the forum with how you are feeling and no one knows who you are.

Is there any way your appointment with your therapist could be brought forward so you do not have to wait until Friday?

Sometimes it can help to cry and helps to release some of the build up in tension you are experiencing at the moment.

You do not need to be sorry you make perfect sense.

Try and drink some water several times a day to keep you hydrated and could you eat something perhaps a piece of toast just so you have something in your stomach for when you take your medication.

Please take care.

QuietOak

Thank you all. @Bluebell21 @Ross1975

I feel pretty low today and really really struggling in this heat. I’ve got a cooling towel, I’ve got multiple fans on and I’ve been in bed all day. I know it’s all just temporary but it’s so so difficult to even get through hour at a time. I may end up contacting SHOUT later today.
struggling to drink and eat much today but I’m trying. I just wish I could disappear at this point. I still haven’t cried. I’m scared to do that tbh same time as I am scared what I will do during it or I won’t be able to cope as I get quite intense emotions.
Nothing seems to be helping today to feel a little better so I’m just basically counting hours as they go.

And yes I really struggle to socialise so that’s the last thing currently on my mind. I’ve signed up for some autism groups but haven’t attended yet due to anxiety.

I got call today from community mental health team in regards to a complaint my partner did for not getting through to the CMHRS (CMHT) multiple times last few months. They just wanted to talk to my partner and the lady on the phone was quite high up manager or whoever and said that the GPinhs and CMHRS are gonna combine soon and everyone is aware of me in the system. She apparently said that even once I finish with GPimhs they want to make sure I get further care afterwards. She asked my partner if I was feeling better and he said no she’s still feeling quite depressed and she self harms and tries to hide it from me and she masks a lot (assuming she was asking if I talk about my feelings which I don’t lol).
I guess it felt weird for me not to talk to them as there could have been several things I would have wanted to say but that’s okay it wasn’t that kind of a call but just acknowledgement that everyone will be aware of me in the system.

I actually don’t mind having therapy session on a Friday because it’s going to feel a bit cooler by then, as I’ve had sessions in the heat before (we have virtual sessions) and I’ve struggled so much to focus.

Rachel_Scope

I'm so sorry you're going through this @QuietOak. Keep trying to eat and drink as much as you can to stay hydrated. Do you have some water by your bed?

Did they give a reason as to why you couldn't get through the last few months? It's such a vital service. It must have been really stressful not being able to contact them.

Do you feel better for knowing that everyone will be aware of you in the system?

SheffieldMan1976

@QuietOak I feel your pain, I contacted the Samaritans when I was going through a particularly rough period in late 2024, the HA were doing my head in, everything was going wrong with my support company… To say the guy I spoke to was neither use nor ornament would've been a compliment!

QuietOak

@Rachel_Scope

So for the first 4 times I wasn’t even told it was declined I just was told from GPimhs that nothing is happening or they couldn’t find a new referral.

And then recently it wa snore hopeful because the CMHRS team specifically called me to confirm yes you’re under secondary care now so ideally I had to wait for an assessment/first appointment. And then suddenly I just receive a letter saying my referral was declined and I was discharged back to GPimhs. I saw the letter they uploaded on NHS app and it said I didn’t need their criteria and despite it said “low risk, has suicidal thoughts and plan but won’t act on them”. Made me go huh. But whatever.
The last time I was told it got declined I had the worst breakdown as I was waiting so hopefully for more support for 3 weeks after initial referral. Because it was the same day I got discharged from GPimhs and I had no support at the time.

So now that I had a call with GPimhs yesterday the lady was lovely and she had worked for CMHRS before and she’s also occupational therapist so she is giving me some hope despite having to wait next 4 weeks for initial appointment with her. However what the lady said today to my partner sounds hopeful in general. In my head I just assume I’m forgotten and invisible and don’t matter.

Rachel_Scope

It sounds like they let you down before but it's looking more positive now. I really hope it works out well with the new lady. Please remember that you do matter and you're not invisible. You are worthy of help.

QuietOak

@Rachel_Scope

thank you for saying that.
Also thank you everyone for your support it’s something that’s helping me get through this all somehow

Bluebell21

Hi @QuietOak You do matter and it sounds really hopeful that the lady at GPimhs was lovely and you were able to talk to her. Just a pity you have to wait 4 weeks to see her.

I am glad it will be cooler on Friday for your therapy, and hope it goes well for you.

Please take care of yourself.

QuietOak

I’ve ended up messaging SHOUT today as I was having a lot of self harm thoughts and just felt so so fed up of everything in general.
the lady who I spoke to was really nice and that is what I really needed yesterday. As I mentioned not crying for over 2 weeks she was asking me if there is a way I could try connect to my emotions to help release some of it. Then I just thought about everything I shared with her and how the heatwave is really really getting to me I ended up crying. It helped a little. I just realised how much impact this heat is having on me finding it so so hard to cope with it. I’m doing everything I can to stay cool but struggling. I feel stupid for struggling to cope in the heat. I just have kept thinking that my feelings aren’t valid about it like it’s a silly thing. So when the lady on shout acknowledged it all I guess that’s what really helped in the moment.

the conversation helped me to just get through the evening to manage a few hours at a time…well hour at a time tbh.
I haven’t self harmed today though or given in to any urges so I guess for today that’s a win.

Holly_Scope

I'm so so pleased to read this, this morning and that SHOUT were helpful @QuietOak and sometimes a good cry, and getting it out really does help (it does for me, anyway 😊).

It's absolutely awful at the minute, the heat. I think we're all feeling the same - it's so difficult to keep cool. I had a fan on last night but it was just blowing hot air all evening…Ended up with a little flannel rinsed with cold water in the evening, just to try to keep me cool.

Honestly, I'm so pleased to read how much talking to them helped yesterday and the impact it's had on your urges. But if things get bad, you know you've got a great place to call in the meantime whilst waiting for the integrated mental health team. You've got this 💪. And I hope you know you've got a community of people here that have got you. 💛

QuietOak

thank you @Holly_Scope

my boyfriend is in another bad crisis and I’m trying to deal with his urges and S thoughts and told him to talk to someone to get support like Samaritans or we could go to safe haven and he said he doesn’t want any help or to talk to someone. So I’m keeping an eye on him.

however my own sh urges have gone up again from this stress since last night and heaviness with another crisis today from him I don’t know how to cope. It’s really really hot again today I’ve had a shower it’s helped a tiny bit but I still feel so hot. I’m trying my best here. Things are so difficult.

Holly_Scope

That's really good advice @QuietOak, especially with how you're feeling at the moment - outside support will be a benefit to you both. If you need to contact SHOUT again for yourself or even 111 if it's urgent, please do. Remember how better you felt last time you spoke with them. I'm so sorry things are difficult.

It is awfully warm today, but please remember that's temporary. Have you seen these posts that have tips which might be helpful - Beat the heat - Tips on staying cool and Keeping Cool.