How to get along with my SIL

Jenfer10

My sister and I feel like my sil has high functioning nuero diversity. She has a physics phd and an engineering job. They have 3 kids and my brother has a project management job.

My Mum died and she was the glue and kept everyone in order. Now when my brother visits it is chaos and hard for my Dad. My sil gets up late and eats breakfast at 12. Her eldest needs a haircut desperatlely and wants to see her school report but her mum hasn't shown her.

She really hates me. She resents the relationship I have with my brother and if she sees us talking calls him away to do something. He does the traditional mum jobs all the driving to clubs, food shop, diary, getting kids up and putting to bed.

They are renovating an annex at my dads so they will have a seperate space but this causes more stress. They can't agree, nothing is organised and noone is watching their kids whilst this goes on.

It places great strain on everyone. I try to help by making them cakes, i put away their food shop. I run my own business from there aswell and have my own kids who I leave home else it is too many!

Twice she has lost it and shouted at me in front of her kids and my niece who now won't go there. My Dad says nothing but isn't happy. It all builds qnd builds and is very tense.

She understands that she is autistic but isnt ready to confront it or seek help I think. We are happy to adapt to ways which will help her but want her to say what would help as we don't know.