grief counselling for adults with CP

kingboy25

I've just spent an horrendous hour trying to comfort my grownup son who has feelings of great anger towards the doctor who caused his cerebral palsy. He feels cheated of his rightful body and feels that the friendly feelings expressed towards him by his p.a.s are only bought by the above average wages he is able to pay them as a result of winning his medical negligence case. He feels that if he hadn't won he would have accepted it as just the hand he had been dealt.
It occurred to me that what he was feeling was the same sort of grief parents must feel when they are told their child has C.P (I am not his birth mother) Is this known to Scope an if so do you offer grief councelling to adults with C.P. All I could suggest at this time of night was that he go home with his pa and have a couple of drinks to try and sleep and we start to tackle it in the morning. And before some bright spark says that is not the answer. I know but alchohol relaxes the athetoid body.

ScopeHelpline

Hello kingboy25

I am afraid that Scope doesn't offer any form of counselling, as we don't have trained counsellors on our staff.

I would suggest your son contact his GP, who will be able to tell him if counselling is available on the NHS in his area, or if he wishes to consider finding a private counsellor then the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (www.bacp.co.uk) will be able to provide him with details of local therapists.

Does your son belong to this forum himself? He may find it useful to discuss his feelings with others who have experienced the same issues.

Please encourage your son to contact us if we can be of any further assistance.

Kind regards

Scope Response Helpline

forgoodnesssake

This is very interesting for 2 reasons
1) cos the issue of "mourning" or "grief" (felt by parents, not disabled people themselves) has just been hotly debated on another site I am on. I am a parent of a 13 year old with athetoid CP and I can honestly say I have never felt this....but i do know of parents who have. But its not universal, and actually there are some disabled people and their families who feel very strongly that to use this sort of language can send a very negative message about disability both to the disabled child and to the wider world (along the lines of "I wanted a different you, not the version i ended up with...") I can see where they are coming from but I also have a lot of empathy for parents who do go through a period of some sort of grief.

2) I have wondered for a while about the emotional effects of winning a negligence case: its all very well to get the cash, but what it means is that it was someone's fault.....and I can really see where your son is coming from with this..... Our situation was not one of any fault so it has never been an issue for us; it just happened. But I have often thought that I would not find it easy if it was shown to be the fault of a medic in some way.
I hope you and your son can find him some support to help him deal with his feelings.

kingboy25

Just an update on how my son is feeling. After a few days of unhappiness he has made several decisions which have had the effect of making him more positive. One decision was not to join the family for Christmas but to stay quietly at home. He welcomed visits from family and friends on Boxing day and I think he enjoyed being in the position of providing hospitality rather than being the recipient.
The venting of his grief has for the time being left him in a better place but he has promised that he will seek professional help in future rather than let it build up again.