settling at school

JimJams

Any tips for helping my boy with autism settle at school, he is not lashing out at other kids or adults as much but he is now turning his anger/frustration on himself, by hitting and scratching himself when he is upset. I have given the school calm down routine cards and use these at home, I am really worried about this new development.

Heather

Unfortunately in the world of autism, you conquor one issue and the little darling spring a new one at you! the children seem to go through these phases very quickly and return to the same behaviour when unsettled again. My son displays very agressive behaviour when his routine has been disturbed. School after 5 years understand it now and there's little you can do but work through it in a calm manner. Too late to change after the event, but look for clues as to what is unsettling them and try to put coping mechanisums in place. Not easy, but something to work on. Good luck

JimJams

Thanks heather, I have a meeting with the school psychologist in a few weeks to try and understand why he is unhappy, your are right, something new to deal with every couple of weeks. I just wish I could be with him when he is upset to give him a cuddle, but he also needs to learn to be independent.

fairywishes

Good luck with it all Marie, it's very hard. Whenever you think you've dealt with something and can relax something else comes up. My daughter gets more unsettled when she hasn't had enough sleep or when things are particularly difficult and she's struggling a bit. Also it sometimes hard for the school or you to realise a difference in routine, you may not have noticed it. You are doing everything you can. You making sure you are also looking after yourself?

JimJams

Had my meeting with the school psychologist this morning and she did not have any suggestions at all to help deal with the self harming. She was furiously writing down my tips for dealing with it. We are using calm down cards and I will try and source a sensory toy or something he can squeeze or pull to take the frustration out on, any ideas where to get such a thing

Heather

Strangely enough at a coffee morning this week my friend was saying her son has developed a new "frustration" release of smacking everything in sight and how it is frustrating her. He's 12. They change so quickly. But sensory toys can prove very expensive. Be careful of the rubber, they tear and some are filled with disgusting chemicals. Noticed my son is chewing his fingers again, he's also having more fits. Obviously something brewing. So we have encouraged him to use his tubing supplied by the physio and the rubber toys ......don't say it too loudly, purchased from pet shops! They are tough and he gets more sensation. And lets be honest the amount of dirt our lot eat a dog rubber tou isn't going to to anymore harm!
School meeting can be very frustration when you are looking to them for answers. My son's consultant gave me sound advice. Nod politely and leave the room and punch a pillow! They don't live with it!
Good luck
H

JimJams

Thanks for your advice, I will watch out for the chemical filled toys. I have been exercising a lot to take out my own frustrations.

fairywishes

I don't know if you've come across the Challenging behaviour foundation (http://www.thecbf.org.uk/) they deal with children with very complex needs, but I've found they do have some suggestions/advise that is useful. Also I found that Cerebra (http://www.cerebra.org.uk/) AutismBuddy(http://www.autismbuddy.com/) & Contactafamily (http://www.cafamily.org.uk/) are quite helpful. I think the hardest thing is there are so many places we could look for help, but do we have the time? Good luck. Remember to look after yourself, because only when you are rested can you deal with everything. I find that it's difficult to always get the help you need. Good luck. We're all here and do try to understand, at least we understand some things similar!

JimJams

I either cope really well, or really poorly , cant find an in between at the moment but we are getting there, and my son makes me happy no matter what, so its all worth it. I will look into these other websites , thanks for your help

jamiebear

Hi there
When is the behaviour manifesting? eg in unstructures time? also is your child getting any support? i have 2 boys on the spectrum and it is hard. hope you are well.
oops nearly forgot, your local LEA does it have a social communication expert/ advisor who can come into school?

JimJams

The behaviour is when he is being asked to stop doing something like come in from play time or stop cuddling another child who does not like being touched etc. I sent in a stress ball for him to take out his frustration on and a wee calm down routine card, which is helping but now he is pulling out his hair, other than the speech therapist we have no one else coming to the school to see him

jamiebear

Hi with regards to unstructured times eg play times,the school can use social stories and poss a timer and give him warnings of the change or going back into class. They can give you a copy of his timetable so you can discuss with him. I don't know where you live but there are loads of organisations school can go to. Eg local autistic charities and there are often social communication advisors employed by the lea. Does he have any funding for support? Also targets such as no touching can be added to his iep. Good luck

JimJams

i dont think he has any funding for any support. the school are going to use a large picture of a clock and show this to warn the kids that playtime is almost over so it is not such a sudden change. I will ask them about support and lea. I think I will arrange a follow up meeting with the school to check on his progress, thanks for your advice it has been really helpful

Heather

Hi Marie
How are you doing? I've been out of circulation for a few weeks dealing with VERY similar issues to yourself. Unfortunately the school were threatening expulsion as my son was "out of control". I think I found the cause....shame the school forgot to tell me that his personal TA who has been with him for 3 years, left at Easter! It might be minor to the school, but to my son his world fell apart! You have to become a first class investigator and search for clues. School were adement it was something at home, but the behaviour was only at certain times at school....when it was noisy and no structure. I hope half term will give us all some breathing space and time to re-think how to help my son cope. I'm sending in headphones and we are asking school to support, not keep shouting at him and breathing down his neck to comply. Teachers have got to learn alot as well!

JimJams

the school is currently carrying out pep r assessment and we will get the results of all of this soon, it may mean moving schools but we will cross that bridge if we come to it, thanks for your help

Heather

Hi
Massive worry if you have to move. But the long term might benefit. We got our son moved down a class,back to a comfort zone. He was soooo slow he stayed with this teacher for 3 yrs, any change was going to be tough. We will be having to tread very carefully in Sept. But at the mo we have a happy boy again, hooray!!!!

JimJams

My son is going to be kept in p1 next year, so I hope his anxiety will lessen as he is not pushed so much, he is at age 3 just now in development terms they have said, so this might be adding to his anxiety, hopefully we will get a happy boy soon also
thanks Marie

Heather

Did anyone see the Sunday 26th June politics Show in the South East? Very interesting to see that of all the children expelled from main stream schools Kent, in primary 91% expelled were special needs and secondary school it was about 52%. Goes to show the so called experts haven't got all the answers! They then went on to show an 'Outstanding Special Needs School'....yes it was my son standing there with the paper hat on hitting his head with the cuddly toy!!!!!!!! And they are trying to get people to send their children there?!?!?!?! lol . Enough to frighten anyone away!