Ignorant people — Scope | Disability forum
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Ignorant people

Bethtait12 Member Posts: 3
Why do ignorant people feel the need to stare I'm at breaking point of screaming at the next person who pulls a mucky look to my child she is two yrs old !!


  • Sneezy
    Sneezy Member Posts: 15 Listener
    It's an extra pressure you really don't need, isn't it? The only advice I can offer is that as your child gets older, you get past caring how others view you and your family. You do get to a point where you are so confident in your own capabilities as a mother that people who have nothing to do with your life aren't worth bothering about. I am sorry that doesn't help just now, you will be lost in just getting by when your child is 2, but it does get easier, honest! Hope you are okay?
  • Bethtait12
    Bethtait12 Member Posts: 3
    I'm getting used of people turning there heads but a few people have looked at Paige and pulled a horrible look it's heartbreaking. And thank you for replying I'm fine just a big stress head lol
  • lewismummy
    lewismummy Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Oh you sound like me last week!! i took my son out in to town, He has cp, and the amount of ppl that just stared!!! older people too!! i was getting so so so annoyed and upset!! one bloke i just glared at him!!! i am getting so annoyed at it!!! its not like they have to heads!! xx
  • Blue Frog
    Blue Frog Member Posts: 358 Pioneering
    Hi Beth, it's a nightmare isn't it! I can understand kids staring, and I sometimes have a bit of a chat with them, answering their questions and they are very accepting and kind, but adults can be very ignorant, rude and downright nasty. When I'm out with a little girl I look after, I tend to say 'yes she's beautiful isn't she?' - and that usually works, without stooping to their level and being rude back!!
  • Natasha Brown
    Natasha Brown Member Posts: 108 Courageous
    Disarm. Smile and wave.

    Keep running commentary say loudly, oh look thereis a nice car. Oh look there is a funny woman staring I bet she thinks you are gorgeous.

    Hand out cards. For information on xx condition please visit www.xxxcondition.org

    Develop a thick skin....

    I like the one where someone rude asks "what s wrong with her? " And you look down and say oh imigod! I don't know ! she was fine when we left the house this morning....

  • psio51
    psio51 Member Posts: 1
    Hi Beth,
    We took our daughter down to the South coast at Christmas time on the train to see grandma. She got very upset - (we're not sure why but now it happens every time) and when I looked up, about ten people were giving her their undivided attention, if not fascination. It was almost as if they couldn't look away, even though I was looking straight at them. It was stressful to put it mildly. Many Regards Phil
  • ian
    ian Member Posts: 1
    Hi Beth, my son, Jotham attracts attention, by spinning around in circles banging his ears and making strange loud noises, I have got used to people staring, but it is a human reaction to look at something strange or out of the ordinary, we are all guilty of it, however people should be aware that they should not stare! I like Natashas comment, we sometimes get asked what is wrong with him... we reply he is ginger! as he has lovely bright red hair... btw Paige is beautiful x
  • joden1
    joden1 Member Posts: 21 Listener
    hi, unfortunately we had this my son when he was very young i probably still get it now but the difference is i dont notice and have grown blind to it which has taken years! i no longer care to be honest and that just comes with time.
    hugs x
    josie x
  • flower
    flower Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Hi, I get people staring all the time at my little girl. I went into a shop and the cashier said "oh my god, what happened?" I said nothing has happened and I won't tell you the rest of what I said! I think its them with the problem not us. It does get easier x
  • redchicken43
    redchicken43 Member Posts: 48 Pioneering
    I've had CP since birth and I've got used to people staring at me, some even come up to me and ask me what's wrong especially children, but however hard it might sound now you you develop a thick skin after a while and to be honest you have to live with it and as Ian points out people are always look at things that seem a little strange. The most important thing I have found is not to let any kind of disability define you and focus upon those things that you can achieve. You have a wonderful child there and as long you love them that's all that counts in the end.
  • Shinygirl
    Shinygirl Member Posts: 1
    edited January 2015
    Hi Bethtait. My son Andrew is 10 with Downs Syndrome and also completely non verbal. He is very able bodied and yet this brings its own set of problems. We get all kinds of strange looks when Andrew is screaming and lying on the floor when he doesn't get his own way. I suppose I feel that taking him out and about is an education for those who have no contact with disability. We have on the other hand met so many wonderful people through having Andrew who we would otherwise not have met. Sometimes it's hard to focus on the positives but I genuinely feel that people don't mean to be rude when they stare. It's easy to forget that most older people never met children or people with disabilities when they were younger as children like ours were on the whole never seen out in public. We have our tears and low moments like anyone else but I have often talked to others about Andrews disability and it has helped to dispel many myths about his condition. I am sure you are proud as punch with little Paige.

    Good luck for the future and hopefully when people realise how positive you are about your daughter they will see the beautiful little girl behind the disability.
  • angelminder
    angelminder Member Posts: 2
    Our lot is to be reluctant educators unfortunately, walk tall and look like a winner, it's their problem, not yours. You will find that your child is an excellent people filter, you might not end up with a lot of friends but they will be good ones. It does get better and hopefully you will see the funny side one day. You will learn empathy for those who do not conform to mainstream values. You are blessed! xo
  • hwoolie
    hwoolie Member Posts: 2
    hello everyone!our son finlay was recently diagnosed with autism about 2 mnths ago!have any of you parents who have children with this condition had problems regarding the adpt meeting!? as school havent been very good at all in trying to get it sorted out!! we have been allocated an adpt person for finlay and she had given school 3 seperate dates which none were suitable for school and school had said they would rather leave it till after half term!!we have been very annoyed about it all to be honest!!schools attitude towards us just stinks!!senco have since been trying to contact adapt via email but as of yet they have had no reply!? we now think that adapt are dragging there heals now because school have been mucking them about!?just sick of it all to be honest!!just wish all the services involved would pull there finger out and get this meeting sorted!!would also like some info on c/palsy plse if any parents could offer any help and advice!is there a link between autism an c/palsy!?as finlay does often say that his legs and back are aching or hurting him! and we just wondered if there was a conection between the to!? and how to get him tested to see if he does have it!! thx everyone!! :)
  • Rocky
    Rocky Member Posts: 76 Listener

    Hi hwoolie.

    Love the puppies.  However just wanted to say that whilst it is possible to have cerebral palsy AND another condition e.g. Downs or Autism, I am not aware of any medical link between the two conditions.  your son's leg and back pains could be due to posture, muscle tone or maybe needing more intervention to support his walking/standing.  I would recommend talking this through with Finlay's paediatrician to see what they suggest. 

  • Needtoknow
    Needtoknow Member Posts: 4
    I'm developing a much thicker skin as my daughter grows older. Thing that bugs me is she has now become a lot more aware of people staring at her and she doesn't like it. Or the other thing happens that people come up and talk to her about all the cp people they know or the other disabled people they know. She is only six and wants to be treated as the person she is and related to that way, not defined by her disability. I see her confidence dropping because of it :-(  Any advice for boosting my daughter's confidence when out on the streets . . .
  • flower
    flower Member Posts: 9 Listener

    I too have developed thicker skin as my daughter has grown older and In fact i'm loving everything about her. I have noticed that everyone we come into contact with for example "therapist" or people we meet who have had contact with a disable person will say "I knew a girl with cp" or "I tried this on a child similar to your daughter" another one that grates " does your child have cp? I knew a someone with cp" done you just feel like saying no my child doesn't have cp, theirs nothing wrong with her! (Because in eyes there isn't) Why do people do that and not think about people's feelings! I now home school and her confidence is growing rapidly and we are bounding so much. Hold your head up high and ignore their ignorance x❤️
  • redchicken43
    redchicken43 Member Posts: 48 Pioneering
    Its difficult one really, certainly for a young child who just wants to be accepted for who she is. I would like to give you a simple answer, but I'm afraid there is not one really, people always feel that they can make comments to me even now and Im 45. But over the years I have got used to it, but I totally understand your frustration. The best thing I would say would be to build her confidence up by focusing on what she can do and to offer lots of reassurance. On the other hand when sometimes Ive had enough I just stare back at them and that makes them feel very uncomfortable indeed.
  • Aww  poor you I remember this feeling, standing in the playground waiting for my sons sister with the eyes of a child glaring or an adult staring at him.  My parents are worse they get really angry to the point of sticking their tongues out at other kids (lol).  But in the end it only gets you more angry - I have found myself standing in front of my son to stop a glare.  My son is visually impaired and cant see more than 1/2 meter ahead out of one eye and blind in the other so luckily its only me who see the stares.  But I totally understand and sympathize with you, I've lost count of the amount of checkout people who I would have liked to thump.  It does get better I promise I generally walk around without looking at peoples faces so I don't notice the stare.  I'd like to say I am good at ignoring it but there was a pretty gorm lady in IKEA last week that stood in the isle waiting for her out of control kids to finish spinning on a chair - staring at my son quite blantantly - I did give her a look grrrr.    Sorry not very helpful. 
  • renacahill
    renacahill Member Posts: 145
    I smile at children and talk to them if they speak to us explaining that El can't walk properly. Most people smile and don't give us any grief and I understand it's human nature to look a little longer at something out of the ordinary in any circumstance. The people who stare I just look right through and ignore. I concentrate on the child and where I'm going and don't often see the starers. If anyone actually asked 'what's wrong with him' I would say he has a neurological condition which makes him grossly offensive to other people... The same condition you have!' Luckily no one has ever said anything remotely nasty.
  • Merl
    Merl Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    edited May 2015
    Hi Beth. I feel that through ignorance the disabled are subject to oppression, and when not controlled this can drive a wise person (one who sees the unfairness of the situation) into madness, or frustration. I am not surprised that you feel the way you do. There will be those who will cause us pain, but there are those who will be willing to help when we encounter difficulties such as the ones you face. I try to draw strength from the latter, particularly in my own situation, that of being 4 feet tall, 57 years of age, and having the condition known as Osteo-genesis Imperfecta (brittle bones from birth). There was a point that I'd like to share with you from an article highlighted "When your child is disabled".
    'Concentrate on the wonderful things about your child because there are many of them'.


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