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Please help, 8 year old son having anger issues.

spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener
edited November 2016 in Parents and carers
I'm a mum of a great 8-year old boy who is having problems in his early life. After a long battle I managed to get him tested in school and they have found that he has auditory working memory problems. He is below average for writing but average for reading. I still believe (feel) there is more but, a plan has been put in place, so happy for now. However, my problem is that his behaviour is very different at home than in school: frustration, anger, very low self confidence, low concentration (mostly for homework), never sits still, always interrupts, and now, biting himself when angry or frustrated. He hit out at me for the first time yesterday. I was shocked. My husband and I don't know where to turn as we have no confidence whatsoever in our doctors. Please help as it's hurting us all. 

Replies

  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @spudeen what a difficult time for you.

    You say you don't have confidence in your doctor, is there anyone you do have confidence who you could ask for support? Either Health Visitors, school, school nurse etc? 

    Sam 




    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener

    Hi Sam.

    Thank you for contacting me.

    I have contacted the school SENCO and she is contacting CAMHS today. She will do what she can and get back to me. Looks like we have a great SENCO. She called me at home last night after I left message with school saying I needed to speak with her urgently. I trust her. She will also try to talk with my son.

    I don't know why but my son's behaviour hits a peak around this time of year, after autumn half term. Christmas time last year was really bad but then he got a little better. His schoolwork improves afterwards too (I noted this yesterday whilst trying to analyse all situations). Year 1, Year 2 and now Year 3 has had this pattern, slow start at school, blowing up and then settling down (a bit) - but never self harming or hitting out at us until now. It's as though he is getting more confident in displaying his anger and frustration as he gets a little older. I hope we can get help soon because I'm frightened for my son. It is getting very difficult for us all and I am worried his elder sister is suffering too.

    Many thanks.

    Spudeen.

       



  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm so glad you are in touch with SENCO and that you feel they may help.

    I wonder if the change in routine around christmas time has an effect?  School routines tend to adapt at this time of the year for plays etc and there is the excitement of christmas.

    Best of luck with SENCO and CAMHS, let us know how you get on!

    Sam


    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener

    Dear Danny,

    Thank you for replying.

    I have documented myself on many disorders but he doesn't seem to have enough symptoms in any to orient me in any particular direction(as a mum, not an expert). He is ok at school generally. Gets on well with most people of all ages, especially men. He readily helps to receive praise but needs constant reassurance that he is doing something well. He needs to be in contact with us - often physically as in hugs or just by being in the same room. He can however play for hours on the Wii on his own. He doesn't like large carnivals, school plays etc. - too many people and confusion but will sit happily and listen to rock and heavy metal! His bedroom is chaotic but he will put things in order on supermarket shelves. He blows up at anything that is not going right for him (Wii games, drawings or Lego constructions for example) or for clothes that annoy him, wrong cereals bought or because he has to do something he doesn't want. Everything is BORING, even the Lego that has just been bought for his birthday. The newest entry, after his hitting out at me, is stealing.

    He is also very loving, generous, has a good sense of humour and very funny, bright and just plain wonderful. He is very good at art and has musicla rhythm

    I have a meeting with his Senco on Tuesday. Let's hope she has news from CAMHS

  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener
    Sam_Scope said:
    I'm so glad you are in touch with SENCO and that you feel they may help.

    I wonder if the change in routine around christmas time has an effect?  School routines tend to adapt at this time of the year for plays etc and there is the excitement of christmas.

    Best of luck with SENCO and CAMHS, let us know how you get on!

    Sam



    Hi Sam. Unfortunately matters have deteriorated drastically over the last week. My son has literally exploded and is frightened, self harming and has horrible thoughts in his head, We had to keep him at home from school yesterday and today. CAMHS said they won't see him until programme at school has been in place for several months (Senco told us). Wellbeing clinic has no appointments before New Year, He shows no aggression or real problems at school so it is hard for anyone to understand what is really happening to him. He is another person at home. I had to go to the doctor yesterday because my son said he wanted to kill himself - he went to the kitchen and got a sharp knife. It ended there but he took his rage out on us by barging us and lashing out. He finished by sobbing so desperately on the floor crying "I need help". He is only just 8! Dr said he would try to make an urgent appeal to CAMHS but admitted it might not be easy to get an appointment. I did questionnaire on PDA site and scored 39-41(it can depend on how you interpret question). I am asking if you or anyone else can refer a paediatrician or (neuro)psychologist/psychiatrist who is specialised in Autism spectrum in or around Lincolnshire area. We will go privately if necessary, we have no means but will find a way. I have another meeting with school on Monday but I do not know if they are able to help. I asked Senco if she had considered PDA at all. She replied Oh no, I know children with PDA and he doesn't fit in at all. I didn't say any more. It was as though all the information I had given to her hadn't been taken in at all. Please, please try to help. Thank you 

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • Chris_ScopeChris_Scope Member Posts: 695 Pioneering
    hi @spudeen, in searching for a psychiatrist or similar you may find the BACP website useful, as you can search by area. Children's charity Brainwave may also be able to offer assistance or information.
  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener

    Hi Danny. Just to say thank you for your comments and help. I had a meeting with Head Teacher and Sendco today and put forward the possibility of his being bullied. I asked them to monitor him in play time to see 1) if he was being bullied/left out or 2) if it was his way of interacting with the others that caused him to be left out. His behaviour at home was better whilst off for 4 days but last night(Sunday) escalated again. Tonight (Monday) again.

    Chris - I left my details with Brainwave to see if they can help. Thank you. His sister saved the night tonight - but it is not right for her to be doing this. It helped, we are grateful but do not wish to have any of this put upon her.


    Thank you Scope for this marvellous site. I don't feel alone, I feel there is hope and there are ways of obtaining what is right thanks to everyone who is part.

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 689 Listener
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  • Chris_ScopeChris_Scope Member Posts: 695 Pioneering
    We're glad you like the community @spudeen, and we're also grateful that it's here to help and support those in need, and to all of our community members for helping and sharing with one another :)
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    How are you doing @spudeen
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener
    Hi Sam. Things not so good. Son still having horrible thoughts and behaving as before. Have been to GP who has made urgent referral to CAMHS. No feedback yet. No appointments school nurse/wellbeing clinic before new year, School ok but believe they may underestimate problems as they see little at school. Senco trying but appears to have hands tied. Have decided to go privately. Only doctor we trust gave us two names of clinical neuropsychologists and am awaiting their response. Son is frightened. He shouts out one minute and cries the next. Why is it so hard to help our children? I tried Brainwave as suggested and they responded very quickly with their leaflet and prices. Unfortunately we are not wealthy and find it hard to make ends meet. We will do everything we can to get him assessed privately, as it is his right to get the help now. Thanks for being here for us. I really need it. Thanks from the heart.
  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener
    Hi Sam. Just an update. CAMHS have rejected my son as doesn't meet criteria. ELA doesn't need to see him either. School nurses called today (3 weeks later) -they didn't realise I asked for an appointment! Senco gave me a leaflet for Parenting- in case we needed a course to help us. Private neuropsycholgist has advised us to go to GP for referral to Paediatrics for assessment first as it will help in many ways afterwards because CAHMS in Lincolnshire do not see or assess ASD/ADHD (you should see what does "not fall within criteria"!). The neuropsychologist was very helpful and am grateful to her. I can now understand why all parents despair when they face difficulties. Walls are all we see in front of us. I am lost for words. However, will follow advice given. We will contact Brianwave again for further information in the New Year after our contact with Paediatrics (if we get one!) Thanks again everyone for advice and shoulders to lean on. I will keep you informed. xxxx    
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh @spudeen what a difficult situation! 

    @Jackie is this something you could offer any support or information on? 
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
  • spudeenspudeen Member Posts: 19 Listener
    Hi Sam. Another update. It appears CAHMS had rejected son as Dr had informed them of "behaviour ongoing for a week and that he misses his friend". I have no words. He saw my son for 1 minute and me for 9. I obviously speak Esperanto! (however, it is true that CAMHS' criteria does not assess or diagnose ADHD/ASD). I have not called them to argue our case because we received their letter Saturday morning. We had to call the ambulance on Saturday evening as we couldn't restrain him.They came 2 hrs later as there were none available. He had calmed down then (3 hrs after his start). Fortunately we had filmed a little and the ambulance crew saw it. They were great. We could only speak to the hospital as it was no longer necessary for him to go. The hospital has opened up a case file and will get things started for us. We are keeping fingers crossed. He couldn't go to school today as physically exhausted.We are drained. Many thanks again for listening.
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