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Seems so long ago

norrmsnorrms Member Posts: 41 Courageous
Seems So Long Ago


As we turned the corner on the country road towards the garden centre, I put the radio on. Just starting to play was Mr Beau Jangles, one of my favorites. As I listened to how he had it all, how he sang and danced, and how, even now when all was lost he could still hear the crowd asking him to do more, I felt deflated as I realised how much we had in common.

My mind raced back as fast as light to a time where I would run into the disco, straight up to the DJ and ask for my favorite track (Whatever it was at the time) I remember dancing away until my feet hurt, only stopping for light refreshment and to wipe my brow. I had forgotten how much I used to love to dance, how free I felt as I expressed myself in a way only I could!! (there`s a clue there and how the youthful blood used to run through my body as I jived, bopped and Strutted my stuff to the tunes of the Top Twenty of the day !!

Then I came back to earth with a THUD!! I remembered my illness of Dementia and my inability to remember most things, how it had stopped me from expressing myself, how it had stopped me being independent and going out to work to provide for my family as I had done for so many years. As I looked down at my hands they where white! Not because I was so cold but because I had clenched my fists so tight and was so frustrated!!! Where has it all gone?? WHY ME WHY ME? Screamed through my head time after time, the noise in my head sounded like a platoon of marching soldiers as my blood pressure rose and just as I felt I was going to scream, we reached the top of the hill, and the view in front of me was ???

OUTSTANDING!!!

I was looking up, towards Dartmoor, the rolling hills bathed in winter sunshine and yet tufts of snow were still visible right on the top of the highest hill. All around seemed so calm and surreal, and as I watched as the clouds cast it shadows across the moors only to be replaced by more rays of sunshine, as it did, I began to understand.

Those dark clouds I had just seen casting their ugly shadows across the lush green fields are just the same as the mood that had just passed through my body and mind, only to be replaced by the warmth and brightness of the sun that breathed new life into my body and hope in my heart.

“We cannot bring the past back my friends, but we can bring the future forward”


Norman Mc Namara (diagnosed with dementia 9 years ago aged just 50yrs old xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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Replies

  • JohnGJohnG Member Posts: 6 Listener
    It probably seems so long ago as it was about 2012 when you wrote that piece.  I remember it well.  
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello I agree with what you say we can not bring back the past.  I have mental issues and one of the things is I forget stuff.  Recently another year older keep buying the Northern Soul and Motown because like you being a club kid as they call it.  I can not remember any of the stuff I used to dance and names of artists.  All nighters and well now just get knackered walking.  Struggling with even lyrics and I used to know them all.  Met a lad in my village who has photos of me when I was in the clubs thirty years ago.  Recognised me through my disability I remember you he hollered got photos of you at this and that club.  Wanting to show them but I can never really remember what I was doing.  On addiction at that time who wants to see that scary thoughts.  Struggling memory can give accounts of past experiences as I have done so many times on this forum.  I met some times I get triggers and wham bam back to a experience or a memory.  Got an album of seventies stuff other day used to see a lot of these names on tours in the eighties but can not recall whether I have seen them.  Names familiar but the words they sing I forget.  Just other day met a lad who knew me at college in the nineties or was it eighties anyway knew all about me.  I sat there as recounted all these tales and things I did.  Anxiety set in and panic.  I understand everyone who goes thought this.  My diary my tool to put down stuff dates etc.  So that a useful tip I found.  Thank you for reading this for those like me.
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