How do you feel normal with people without aspergers?

Charlottewaring9

how do you feel normal with people without aspergers? i feel different 

MrsLogic

Hi @Charlottewaring9

Welcome to the community!  I am a woman with a late diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome and yes, it can often feel like I'm on another planet, but the quirkiness often appeals to others I find.  I like geeking out.  Play to your strengths!

Charlottewaring9

im 19 how old are u and when did u get diagnosed

joannarashelle

Hi @Charlottewaring9 I would agree with @MrsLogic!

I too got a late diagnosis and quite often feel like I'm from another planet compared to others. 

But so many make a living from their 'quirks' and differences, most comedians get paid a lot of money for their unusual personalities and views on life. 

Be be proud of being different though yes it can be really hard at times not feeling we 'fit in'

If you google 'famous people with Aspergers' you'll be surprised.

But you'll also see you're in good company! 

Charlottewaring9

i didnt get my diagnosi till i was 17 and im now 19 and i still getv no help whatsoever im in college and its my 3rd year at college and i have no help in college whatsoever and apperently its not a good enough excuse to get support in exams and in lessons

joannarashelle

Good morning @Charlottewaring9,

you need support and understanding! 
Is there a tutor you trust and feel comfortable with you could chat to?
Your college should have a counselling service or someone who provides support for students such as yourself, will your parents help guide you or maybe come with you to see your tutors?

This is important you are entitled to help xx

Charlottewaring9

yeah but they all say the exact same thing i cant have a reader in my exams even though i can read its the understanding i dont understand the question. and they had to cut back on counselling so they have none and my mum has been at the college fighting for support at college  

joannarashelle

I know what you mean about not understanding the question @Charlottewaring9 it can be frustrating I feel for you as I struggle with simple instructions myself. 

There will be an advisor on here who may be able to help you, I'm sorry I can't help other than offer support xx

Charlottewaring9

its fine its absolutly rubbish

joannarashelle

@Charlottewaring9 it can feel like that at times!

Could you get your mum to have a look on this website for the right advisor who could help you?

There will be one on here xx

Charlottewaring9

i am starting counselling next week

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joannarashelle

Counselling will help you @Charlottewaring9.

It will be uncomfortable at times but it will help you.
Remember their job is to help you. If there's anything you don't understand or feel uneasy about tell them.

 It can be hard but try xx

DannyBoy2541

Just be yourself try not to worry about what people think of you. @Charlottewaring9

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VioletFenn

Hi @Charlottewaring9 and welcome. Do you have a formal ASD diagnosis? If so, please do talk to your disability advisor at college (or ask your mum to), because there will be certain obligations your college legally has to meet with regards to provision of support for disabled students.

From the Disability Rights section of the government's website:

"All universities and higher education colleges should have a person in charge of disability issues that you can talk to about the support they offer."

The forum's resident @EducationalPsychologist might also have relevant experience, so I've tagged her in this.

Violet - Scope ASD advisor

Charlottewaring9

will the counselling help anyway

VioletFenn

Well I personally don't think it ever hurts to talk things through with an unbiased and supportive outsider - if nothing else it might help you sort things out in your own head a bit. It's definitely worth looking into college-based support as well though   

Charlottewaring9

yeah i start it next tuesday every week for a dont know how long but i kinda scared a bit cus its art therepy i get nervous talking to new people

VioletFenn

I've never done art therapy myself @Charlottewaring9 but my Aspie son has at school (he's in Yr8) and he really enjoys it. The big advantage is that you're 'doing' things all the time, so it cuts out a lot of the pressure to interact with others. Good luck!

davidj49

Charlottewaring9 said:

how do you feel normal with people without aspergers? i feel different 

Hey..you are normal. Autism is not abnormal. Try to think positive about your Autism, and remember that the other person might have Aspergers themselves, how would you know that they are not Autistic? Just be yourself.

Charlottewaring9

Well I did my counselling didnt help at all and I started a group called run and keep safe and their were alot of people who were different but me and my have decided to try herowood college to see if i can get taught the right way and not to forget either what do you guys think?

davidj49

Hi, I found one to one sessions  of either counselling or tutoring  enable me to process the information. If I am in a group setting then the surrounding stressors i.e.. people making jokes,the eye contact, hold me back and I fall behind...not good.

I read about Hereward College, are you sure it's what you need? They request that  you stay overnight and also meet and chat to the teachers etc... they will be observing you. Maybe that's not for you? Can't you choose a typical college where they have extra support for those on the Autism Spectrum? What do you want to study?
Thanks.

Charlottewaring9

oh and how did that go and did you enjoy it all then at your group and counselling. why does everyone hereward college isnt a good college for me i struggle to understand maths and i have failed my exams in three years since i have been at henley colleg and my mum said hereward is a good college they probably may help me teach me in a way that i can understand and they dont stay over at herward college its a learning disablity college that will help me i know my mum knows best and i agree with it to help me make my life better and i study business admin level 2 at henley college

davidj49

The website for Hereward says that you have to stay one night there if you want a residential assessment, but other wise they wrote this.......If you’re interested in joining us at Hereward we strongly advise you arrange a visit to college or come along to one of our Open Days which take place throughout the year.

Once you have completed an application form, you will be invited to attend an assessment at college. If you are applying for a day place, this usually takes up to 2 hours.

This is not a college where you learn Maths or Business Admin etc....it look like a college aimed at people who are low functioning. Why don't you do open university course and then you can study at home, or get a apprenticeship and go to college part time, but take advantage of your formal diagnosis, and be open about being Autistic with the employers, mention Autism once you secured the interview.

I don't like group settings and excel one to one, sadly I was never diagnosed until I was 44.

davidj49

I just did more checks. it does look good and seems to be what you need, best you go and visit them in person with your Mum.

http://www.hereward.ac.uk/our-offer/pathways/

bendigedig

@Charlottewaring9

Amongst other things, I used to teach a Pathway Vocational Course at entry level, I also taught at level 1 too.  This was at a large Metropolitan FE College.

Im fairly sure the Tutors on these types courses would be more than happy to differentiate your learning programme to suit your needs, whatever subject that you decided to study.  If they werent open to or flexible enough to accomodate your needs then this would need to be discussed with the Learning Support Tutor at the College.  

I am very surprised at what you said about your experience at the college that said you wouldnt be entitled to any support!?  Im guessing that you were talking to the "wrong people".  

Aspergers is a diagnosis that is often accompanied by "comorbid" conditions such as Specific Learning Difficulties or Dyspraxia.  I myself have a Dyslexia Diagnosis as well as an Aspergers diagnosis.  Aspergers and/or learning difficulties are not barriers to learning in unless the learning environment isnt adapted to the specific needs of the learner.

I myself with considerable difficulty and without any targeted support muddled through Secondary School and the two diferent FE Colleges and University before getting a dyslexia diagnosis whilst studying as a Post Graduate.  Quite a while later I recieved an Aspergers diagnosis.  This was in my 40s.

A bit of time has passed since you made your original post.  I hope your situation has improved.  Let us know how you are getting on

VioletFenn

Hi @Charlottewaring9 - I'm another who'd love to know how you're getting on? 

Going back to @davidj49 's earlier comments - Open University is definitely worth looking into if you decided you just don't get on with 'traditional' education. I've done it myself - it's thoroughly enjoyable and very well supported. 

Hereward certainly seems worth checking out anyway. Good luck! 

Violet
ASD advisor, Scope

Charlottewaring9

Hi Violet I am going to see herward college dont know when we havent heard from them yet might be a while i am a bit scared to go to a new college how can i cope?

VioletFenn

If you end up going to Hereward then they'll be set up for people who struggle with this sort of thing anyway and will help you settle in. If you go elsewhere then tell them in advance that you have Aspergers and will probably need extra support - they will almost certainly ask for details of any extra needs in advance of you starting, anyway. They are legally obliged to help you access education if they accept you as a student, so don't worry about it - just tell them how you feel.

Violet
ASD advisor, Scope

davidj49

@Charlottewaring9 I went though school and college not knowing that I was Aspergic until I was 44. Life was a muddle and a mystery until I found a job in Bavaria, Germany and  moved away from drab Essex. I am glad you were diagnosed at 17.Can I ask what your passion is? Thanks

Kathy_Bramley

I find I have much better conversations with people who are on the spectrum. But sometimes I am just as anxious. It's not about being tolerated, bristled at or coped with. I don't know if feeling normal is something nobody does but I find it particularly painful and agitating in a way that affects me, but I also worry about giving over signals that mess other people up. But how relaxed I am generally makes a big difference to the level of anxiety, the OCD. I mess up trying not to mess up. 

davidj49

@Kathy_Bramley...How do you know that are Autistic in the first place?

Kathy_Bramley

I'm not sure I understand your comment. And when I say the spectrum I mean the meta spectrum of neurodiversity. 

davidj49

@Kathy_Bramley Clearly I was referring to the Autism spectrum. SO how do you know if the person you are talking to is Autistic(Autism Spectrum)?

Kathy_Bramley

I am soery I geel a bit harried. I don't always know, but I have a sense or later someone tells me or I already know for some reason. There is a lot of subtlety that might be difficult to explain. I don't go around intrusively diagnosing people or telling people, at least I wouldn't like to think so. Like I say it is a broadest range of spectrum in my mind. People themselves don't always know. I know the traits and criteria a little, but it's often more a subtle recognition I can't easily describe but happens with a range of people. I have been interested and thinking about autism and other related conditions since I was young, I sing my own praises and a bit cheesy saying I guess before people are diagnosed and they later tell me, but it has happened. What do you want to know about, about how, defensive or curious. It isn't there as a thing at the front of my mind, being rude to people, it's more about sensitivity, the way the conversation goes, maybe stereotypical obsessions and it's often a reflection afterwards. I am answering to avoid a circuitous bad faith kind of conversation I dont want to answer feeling misunderstood. I wasn't sure why you were asking that, which was why I clarified what I myself had meant. Having grown up without diagnosis, around other diagnosis and dyspraxia being a more prominent possible diagnosis and what discussion I had being often in context of a fuzzy broader neurodiversity bracket and similarities across the board. I learnt to perceive it that way in a fuzzy artful sensing of multiple traits. It's hard going into them without being certain of a sympathetic audience. Especially as I think more in cinematic textures than words somehow, especially when feeling under pressure. How people think and respond to pressure is a key point though, actually. Like a non Newtonian fluid. 

Kathy_Bramley

Surely what you asked followed on from me saying I find I have much better conversations with people who are on the spectrum.

Kathy_Bramley

So that's why I thought what I meant was important. And why you seemed confused and confusing asking what seemed like quite a particular question that didn't fit and was rather dismaying and tricky to know how to answer. 

Kathy_Bramley

Its an important point though, that people we tentatively tag in our minds as having or not having autism or related conditions don't necessarily have it. Sometimes people can be very negative about "NT" behavior, and sometimes it isn't.  Or on the other hand overdevelopment of a bubble of what in their minds autism is and their people. And there's a lot of strong feelings around all told. 

Kathy_Bramley

But you might just have wanted to conpare notes.  

davidj49

@Kathy_Bramley I struggle to have conversations generally, but do well when it comes to talking about my interests, or the other person might seem 'odd' just I probably seem odd to most people. I found that it's not possible to diagnose others people, the art of diagnosis is so complex, and therefore I couldn't confirm whether I get on better with Autistic people or not.  I think it depends on whether you connect with someone, or not.

I try not to dwell on the spectrum when I meet people, in fact I try to avoid people altogether.

Kathy_Bramley

Don't know what to say to that, lol. Being isolated has positive and negative sides, and I tend to be quite avoidant myself. Controlling myself and being fair to myself and others is quite an issue, don't want to seem silly or offensive or be unethical, here and elsewhere! 

I don't literally diagnose people, I can't anyway. That does indeed require proscribed position and expertise. Like I say, often at some point I hear that people have been diagnosed and that makes sense relative to our connection, other examples share qualities I am able to acknowledge in a fuzzy way as similar. There's not simply a dichotomy of diagnosed or undiagnosable, especially as I am without diagnosis myself but many credible sources including professionals in the field have repeated that suggestion. I have had psychiatrists disagree and refuse to refer me but I debate with that in myself as to the reasons why. 

Kathy_Bramley

My son's diagnoses adds weight but these are all layers of technical and nontechnical language over the reality of a person. We're not our taxonomy, although it's a close relationship perceptually. 

davidj49

Hi Kathy

You wrote....I find I have much better conversations with people who are on the spectrum. 
I wondered  how you know they are on the Autism Spectrum? Did they tell you?Was it on their shirts? Badge?

I don't follow you,

Kathy_Bramley

I am feeling frustrated. I thought I explicitly told you the answer to that in the last post. I am not sure if that's a trick question or rhetorical question? I literally cant tell if you need an answer or patience, and whether you're being pointed and funny with me?

davidj49

I simply asked how you know if someone is also on the Autism Spectrum.

Kathy_Bramley

They told me, mostly. Do you want to know about the other times?  Sometimes I had a connection or saw things that made sense in terms of Aspergers criteria. But talking about T-shirts sounds funny, like you're casting a lot of wider nonspecific doubt on what I have been doing thus far? But this might all be symptoms of Aspergers type conversation. I often find that there's a pattern. Difficulty and connection in similar ways, although very individual to a person. If I know for definite it's only because they've told me.

In my vulnerability, it may not have been our intention but I felt attacked like old school bullying and sarcasm by your line of questioning from the beginning I inexplicity asked to be reassured with validation or likewise admit and end the game: questions aren't simple, context affects how we interpret them, and  I am sensitive on my perception and communication skills and I already tried. 

davidj49

I can relate to you too, I react strongly to simple words, and I can't help it, yet even my own parents and sister never understood my personality, I feel alone at 49, and I spend my time reminiscing about what could have been.

So far I never chatted to an Autistic person in real life,  they never made it clear whether they are Autistic or not. I can't diagnose someone, but have had suspicions about certain people..famous or someone I met.

lonewarrior

Hi Kathy I have really enjoyed reading your posts. I think what you say is much the way I feel, I am still trying to be myself as I only recently found out about ASD I feel strongly I am autistic as for all my life I have tried to be what I perceive as fitting the other persons expectations, Maybe there is some confusion between you and David? The feeling of that"connection" with someone I see as being rare! In my mind if they exhibit traits like me then in my mind they could be autistic? 
I am struggling right now to explain my thoughts and feelings but I know when I meet someone unique, it is as though I and they are joined mentally. Words aren't necessary it's just a look. A bit like having known them forever.
most other people I see appear to be on a preprogrammed route, I always watch as they go about there predestined lives. Fascinating but bizarre to me.
 
Anyway loving everyone here and hope you continue to talk as it has helped me tremendously. (I just realised I actually wrote something as me and not the person I have always pretended to be) the "loving everyone" bit lol. Brian.