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Hi my name is Maria and Husband is not interested on me after my delivery

mariasmariamariasmaria Member Posts: 1 Listener
edited May 2017 in Dating and relationships
We had a very nice sexual relation Nd after my delivery he is not all interested on me..my baby is 7 months and I completely recovered now.we used to have sex every week Nd now we r not having sex since 3 months..when I touch him he will tell me that m tickling him and he will be angry on me..I am touching him the same way how I used to touch him b4.He will be always in mobile..he is not even interested to sleep with me.he is sleeping in different room..I am not understanding how come he feels tickling suddenly..Is dis de correct reason or something else..we had good sex life for 15 months..Need to worry about anything?? Please help

Replies

  • izaiza Member Posts: 471 Pioneering
    edited May 2017
    Hi @mariasmaria, welcome to the community. 
    I am not any expert on sexual aspect of relationship. Please @PSHEexpert can you advice here as well. 

    I am a mum and I been in long relationship before with my ex-partner with who  I have nearly 7 years old boy. 
    I can only share my experience that for 2 healthy adults new arrival to family always cause a change. Both partners loose a bit of freedom which they have before and priorities changing as well after new baby is born. 
    I would only say that usually women tends to postpone making a love due to hormonal changes in the body (breast-feeding take a huge a part in it), not to say about the ongoing feeling of tiredness due to lack of sleep. 
    If the man is looking for the  reasons to avoid the close contact with his woman I can think  of few reasons:
    1) he is jealous about the baby (especially if the baby is a boy) as most of attention which was addressed to him is addresses to son, 
    2) there is no secret to the fact that after delivering naturally baby we are not so narrow (dawn there) as we use to be before delivering baby, 
    3) after pregnancy, delivering baby and breastfeeding our body change, (we do not have flat tummy any more, we may have scars on tummies as the skin got enlarged, our breast also looks different, 
    4) the changes of brining up a child overcomes the man,
    Maybe your partner have a difficulty to cope with the physical changes and who knows some men do not find their women such an attractive as they use to be before. 
    5) Lack of time just for two or lack of romantic date for a change of atmosphere between to of you. 


    Perhaps you can ask your partner for reasons for  avoiding having love to you. 
    Talking does not cost anything but can help find solution to problem. 
    I hope you will find the solution soon too. 

    Have a great evening. 




     


  • munchkinmunchkin Member Posts: 4 Listener
    @mariasmaria
    Hi x I am a mum of 6...now a single parent and registered disabled too. I can sympathise with your situation, all 6 of mine were born vaginally, with the father present. Can I just ask, kindly and politely, if you are not native British? Only asking as you sound as if English is not your first language and sometimes cultural differences make men react differently once their partner becomes a mother. Apologies if I've misread that....
    First, was your husband with you in the delivery room? Did he see the baby being born, or did he stay at the top of the bed, away from the "business area"? Sometimes when a man has seen the unpleasant side of a baby being born and the pain that it causes his wife, this makes him not want to have a sexual relationship again...he worries that he might hurt you or that you might get pregnant again...and have to endure birth and pain. He may feel guilty that HE caused that pain by getting you pregnant in the first place. Maybe you could talk to him and see if this is what he feels?
    After a couple become a family, lots of things change. You can't socialise the same way; you can't just go out at the drop of a hat...you have to find someone to look after the baby or if you are breast feeding, you have to express milk, etc. Sometimes a man can feel jealous that the baby is taking so much of your attention..especially if you are/were breastfeeding.
    If the baby is still sleeping with you in your bedroom, your husband may feel that it is "not right" to have any intimacy with the baby in the room. Was your husband ok to have sexual relations with you while you were pregnant, or did he think it would hurt the baby and not be intimate? Men are very strange creatures sometimes...and becoming a father for the first time may have made him worry about all kinds of things that really aren't a problem.
    Have you tried to talk to him, when the baby is asleep, just the two of you? A nice quiet time when you are both relaxed, not in the bed/bedroom, and ask him how he feels? Tell him how YOU feel. Try to keep calm and not emotional and talk to him when he is relaxed. If you only try to talk to him when you want to initiate intimacy, he may feel that you are putting pressure on him to "perform".
    And if you have tried and still he is indifferent, then you can maybe start to re-build the relationship step by step. Start with just a cuddle...either on the sofa or in bed. Try to choose a time when the baby won't wake up for a feed. Then if he will accept the cuddle, try to take the next step...slowly. Maybe try something he used to enjoy BEFORE the baby; did you ever give him a massage? Or just a back/shoulder rub? Maybe he likes lots of kissing? Or lots of foreplay? If he IS worried that he is going to hurt you, then you could try using a lube (lubricant) for you and him...you can get Durex ones in supermarkets or online. There is one a midwife recommended to me many years ago called 'liquid silk'. Google it, you can get it online. 
    So, first you need to find out WHY he is acting this way.....and then you both have to work together, slowly, one step at a time, to bring things back to what is normal for you. Remember that what is normal is different for every couple. Some will be intimate 4 or 5 times a week and others only once or twice a month. 
    But your first step is definitely to talk to him. Try not to blame him, that will make him defensive. Just tell him that you feel sad that things are different and ask him if he feels sad too? YOU are the person who knows your husband the best, so talk to him in a way that is comfortable for both of you. Once you find out what he is worried about, you can reassure him. And you will get your sex life back, just slowly, slowly rather than dive right in. Good luck xxx
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