Me and my OCD

Abeautifulchaos
Abeautifulchaos Online Community Member Posts: 4 Connected
edited October 2021 in Everyday life

This week is Mental Health Awareness week and today we talk to Nicole about her experience of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).  If you want to read more from her, take a look at the blog A Beautiful Chaos.


I have OCD, when I tell people that I don't feel like I have to explain myself because everyone knows what OCD is, don't they? It's that thing we all have. If you have to have your TV volume on even numbers, you have OCD, right? Or if you like your cans in the cupboard in straight lines, this must be OCD? And not forgetting that work colleague who always uses hand sanitizer before they eat. OCD, right?

Wrong!

OCD stands for Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. The obsessions refer to the intrusive thoughts which we all have. Yes, which we all have. Ever walked over a motorway or busy road and suddenly imagined yourself jumping? Yeah, that's an intrusive thought. They are completely normal. Most people notice that they are odd but carry on with their day as normal. Individuals with OCD fixate on these.

Woman with pink hair and white jacket in forest full of purple flowers

Intrusive thoughts cause an overwhelming amount of anxiety and stress. Sufferers want to do whatever they can to reduce this anxiety, so they develop compulsions. These are the behaviours which you may or may not see and are what society in general focus on. OCD can manifest itself in many different ways. It's not just a fear of contamination which is considered to be stereotypical OCD in the media. Many sufferers worry about harm coming to their loved ones if they don't count or touch things a certain amount of times. Others may be convinced they are a murderer or paedophile and go to great lengths to make sure this isn't true even though their rational mind is fully aware that it's not.

For me, my OCD centred about contamination. So yes, if you like I am that stereotypical OCD person washing my hands obsessively. But my OCD also had a lot more of a serious side. OCD made me pour neat bleach over my hands up to five times a day. OCD made me stop eating three meals a day, surviving on just one 600-900 calorie meal. OCD made me hoard over 50 empty hand sanitizer bottles. OCD made me wash my hands over and over till they were sore, cracked and bleeding.

OCD ruined and ruled my life. As a child, I was always very anxious, nervous and worried about the worst in any given situations. I've struggled with social anxiety, generalised anxiety and OCD throughout my childhood but it was only in 2016, after a particularly stressful and challenging period where OCD became all-consuming and very apparent to those around me. I was washing my hands more and more, avoiding touching things or people around me and eventually cutting myself out from the world entirely.

By sharing my story, I aim to educate and spread awareness of what OCD really is. It's not just about being clean, neat or tidy. It's a debilitating disorder which tortures its victims and makes life a living nightmare.

If I've encouraged you to call someone out if they use OCD in an inappropriate context or if I have made you think about the language you use and the times you've called someone OCD because they like their pens in rainbow order, for example, which is not OCD at all. I hope I've made you think and now have a much clearer understanding of the reality of living with obsessive compulsive disorder.


Do you or your loved one have OCD? How do you feel when people use your impairment as a way to explain something else? Tell us about your experiences now.

Comments

  • ukpatrick
    ukpatrick Online Community Member Posts: 9 Connected
    Hi Nicole;

    Thank you for sharing your inspiring story, one thing that has really helped me with my thoughts is Ascension meditation. i highly recommend it and you can find out more about it at www.findpeace.co.uk

    Hope this helps you
    Patrick
  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    Thanks so much for this great post @Abeautifulchaos - though I understood that OCD was much more than washing your hands or lining up cans, I don't think I fully understood it.

    Your post is a brilliant explanation of OCD, I think you will help so many on this subject  :)
  • lonewarrior
    lonewarrior Online Community Member Posts: 23 Connected
    Thank you so much for sharing your lifestyle with us, I kind of knew what OCD was and yes the media and general public do think lining all the cups in order with handles all pointing the same is OCD! I myself have had the "you are a bit OCD" said to me,really annoys me as nothing I do has a consequence, no one is going to be harmed, the world won't stop spinning and I can choose not to straighten the cup or count everything endlessly. I have however been in situations where I wonder what it would be like to fall off the scaffold I'm on, I kind of go into a trance but snap out of it.
    I am not OCD I do believe I have autism as all my life has been a constant act like I don't fit, recently read about it and it has changed my life so very much, I can now be ME and do things I do as me,
    I very much feel for you and others who don't get the choices I get to do what I choose despite feeling it necessary. Thinking about that I actually try to do the exact opposite which in itself becomes the new necessary.
    Take care Brian.
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    [Deleted User] Posts: 728 Listener
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  • lonewarrior
    lonewarrior Online Community Member Posts: 23 Connected

    DannyMoore said:

    Hi @Abeautifulchaos,

    I've never viewed myself having an OCD but I do find myself obsessed at times, mainly because I can find it difficult to let go of many situations, even when the situation's ended. I don't like it when I find myself having a desire for revenge.

    @lonewarrior, if you do have autism I wouldn't be surprised you can be yourself. The origin of the word autism is "auto" is greek for "self" then they add "ism" onto auto making "Selfism". I have autism and I'm more willing than others around me to be my true self.

    Hi DannyMoore thank you for the meaning of the word autism, it is only recently that I have been aware of the varied nature of autism. My daughter posted a link on Facebook which was an amazing revelation, it brought me here which in itself is amazing. I wrongly assumed like the majority that autism was an extreme condition, much like OCD as discussed here, false understanding of a condition. The link was the lady diagnosed later in life with ASD, All my life I have adjusted my emotions and what I say when meeting different people is tailored to fit. Only now can I truly be myself, it's as if I needed the "it's ok you are like a lot of others" I always felt alien to the world and people.
    As for feeling of revenge I struggle to not like someone who has done me harm! I forget to bear a grudge lol.take care Brian.



  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    This user on twitter has a question @Abeautifulchaos




  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    Nellie said on twitter:


  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    The Mole on twitter said:










  • Sam_Alumni
    Sam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,602 Championing
    Another twitter user said:


  • Abeautifulchaos
    Abeautifulchaos Online Community Member Posts: 4 Connected

    Sam_Scope said:

    Thanks so much for this great post @Abeautifulchaos - though I understood that OCD was much more than washing your hands or lining up cans, I don't think I fully understood it.

    Your post is a brilliant explanation of OCD, I think you will help so many on this subject  :)


    Thank you so much! I'm so glad you enjoyed the post! :) 
  • Abeautifulchaos
    Abeautifulchaos Online Community Member Posts: 4 Connected

    Sam_Scope said:

    Nellie said on twitter:




    I couldn't agree more! :)

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