University and loneliness
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MadRabbitWoman
Online Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
Hi, I'm Teresa, I just found this forum today whilst having another long day of trawling the internet for advice/help on ASD issues.
My son is 20 and was formally diagnosed at 15 although I knew from 5 as my best friend was a Psychologist. He's had lots of struggles but we've made it through them together. No he's at university 250 miles away and he's struggling. He got through the first year reasonably, ended up in a house with a group of great lads, al studying science/maths so a geek fest! They understand his reluctance to socialise and don't worry too much but they do drag him out with them now and then to pubs, and meals out which he mostly enjoys once he's there.
His problems at uni come when he has an issue with a piece of work he won't ask for help until it's too late. He hides rather than ask. He recently slept through the time of a presentation, which I believe was because he didn't want to do it (speaking aloud is his biggest hate). There is no mentoring system or regular checks on him by any tutor, which i find odd since they are fully aware of his diagnosis.
The loneliness has been a recurring theme in his childhood, as he doesn't feel that he fits in with any group fully and has no close friends he can talk his problems through with. He would love to have 'normal' relationships, he had a sort of girlfriend at 6th form but as it turned out she had more problems than he did! They now don't talk at all, and he misses that. I've suggested Aspie dating sites but he thinks a relationship with another Aspie is doomed. Both myself and his dad have ASD traits so I can see his point (we divorced when he was 10).
I've just contacted Swansea social services today as I learnt that some people on the spectrum get a social worker, we've never had any support at all outside school SEN departments and a short anger management course when he was first diagnosed. It was literally a letter in the post with his diagnosis and no follow up at all. Is that normal?
My son is 20 and was formally diagnosed at 15 although I knew from 5 as my best friend was a Psychologist. He's had lots of struggles but we've made it through them together. No he's at university 250 miles away and he's struggling. He got through the first year reasonably, ended up in a house with a group of great lads, al studying science/maths so a geek fest! They understand his reluctance to socialise and don't worry too much but they do drag him out with them now and then to pubs, and meals out which he mostly enjoys once he's there.
His problems at uni come when he has an issue with a piece of work he won't ask for help until it's too late. He hides rather than ask. He recently slept through the time of a presentation, which I believe was because he didn't want to do it (speaking aloud is his biggest hate). There is no mentoring system or regular checks on him by any tutor, which i find odd since they are fully aware of his diagnosis.
The loneliness has been a recurring theme in his childhood, as he doesn't feel that he fits in with any group fully and has no close friends he can talk his problems through with. He would love to have 'normal' relationships, he had a sort of girlfriend at 6th form but as it turned out she had more problems than he did! They now don't talk at all, and he misses that. I've suggested Aspie dating sites but he thinks a relationship with another Aspie is doomed. Both myself and his dad have ASD traits so I can see his point (we divorced when he was 10).
I've just contacted Swansea social services today as I learnt that some people on the spectrum get a social worker, we've never had any support at all outside school SEN departments and a short anger management course when he was first diagnosed. It was literally a letter in the post with his diagnosis and no follow up at all. Is that normal?
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