Help!! ASD/ADHD son has extreme jealousy/paranoia with my other children

albert2014

I am currently having the worst time ever with regards  to my 12yr old son. He had to be pulled from mainstream school due to being unable to cope there. I have been home educating him for 7 months and had a recent home visit to check on his work. The report was good. He has a severe problem with attachment to me. Every where I go he follows, he spies on me and waits til I'm about to show my other children some attention then snaps. He turns very violent/abusive and hating towards me and them. He has threatened to kill me several times, he has a hitting fit and swears like a madman. My other children are scared of him, our family life is really bad, especially at weekends. On his own he appears calmer, spends a lot of time moaning and seems very lethargic. If I ask him to do something outside his timetable he goes berserk. I have a specialist that gives him medication for ADHD and this calms him but he still becomes unbearable with my other kids. Its deeply affecting him mentally, also all of us, including myself who has a pro-lapsed disc and other health issues. I need some guidance as to what to do for the best. I am at a point where something HAS to change before something bad potentially happens. Thanks for reading Marty. 

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Colman2611

Thanks for the info.  I'll post a in depth reply later Marty 

Sam_Alumni

Hi @albert2014 welcome to the community - this sounds like a really difficult situation for you.

@VioletFenn do you have any ideas?

VioletFenn

Hi @albert2014

Gosh, you do have a lot on your plate. Are you getting any outside support with your son?

As he's at home most of the time there is definitely a risk of it becoming an insular environment where he gradually gets more and more attached to the idea of you being 'his' and his alone. 

I agree with the earlier comment about his routine being incredibly important - it's his safety net and if that's taken away he's likely to react badly. Obviously it is impossible to always stick to plans and things sometimes do have to change - but if you can give as much forewarning as possible I think it would help. Even something as simple as saying 'This is what we're doing later, but if that's not possible then we will do this instead' - that way if you do have to swop for the second option he's had a bit of forewarning. 

There are autism support groups in most areas and it would definitely be worth your while finding your local one. They may be able to give more advice, and they may even have events that you could attend with your son so that his social life widens a little bit. 

For your own sake it would be worth trying figure out ways of pushing the boundaries back towards your son a tiny bit. You need personal space or you will go nuts! And for your son's sake he needs to understand at least the basics of social interaction. He's clearly becoming difficult to handle at 12 - things will only be harder as he gets older and physically stronger. You say you see a specialist for his ADHD medication - is that someone you could maybe talk to about this wider issue? 

Violet
ASD advisor, Scope

steve51

Hi @albert2014.
It's great t have you aboard our communit I do hope that you will find the support & help that you require.
My heart goes out to you please take the help that has already been mentioned above.
Please please let us know if we can help you further !!!!
Steve.

Colman2611

Thanks mate.  I'll update you with some info you may be able to help with in the week.  Thanks Marty