Hi, My name is Donna, I have a 14 son with Autism/ Adhd and deafness in one ear, — Scope | Disability forum
If we become concerned about you or anyone else while using one of our services, we will act in line with our safeguarding policy and procedures. This may involve sharing this information with relevant authorities to ensure we comply with our policies and legal obligations.

Find out how to let us know if you're concerned about another member's safety.
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Hi, My name is Donna, I have a 14 son with Autism/ Adhd and deafness in one ear,

Donna33 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
edited August 2017 in Autism and neurodiversity
I am interested in speaking to parents who have a teenager with Autism and Adhd. My son is 14 has no friends and his behavior is completely draining. He is constantly moaning about everything and doesn't seem to get much enjoyment out of life. If anyone else going through this I would really love to chat with you for ideas, solutions etc. Thank You so much.


  • steve51
    steve51 Community member Posts: 7,153 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Donna33

    Welcome to our website & online community !!!!

    I do hope that you are having a good day !!!!!

    We have got plenty of info on our home page for you to look over !!!!

    There is also other people/groups to get involved with.

    You will be able to "meet & great" other people in similar situations as you find yourself in currently.

     Please please let us know if we can help you further with this ?????
  • Liam_Alumni
    Liam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,101 Pioneering
    Hi @Donna33,

    Welcome to Scope's online community! It's great to have you here.

    I've moved this post into our Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) category, where other members of our community may be able to offer help and support.

    @VioletFenn, can you help?
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 740 Listener
    edited August 2017
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • J0N4H848Y
    J0N4H848Y Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    Hi @Donna33 ,
    Our son is 11, has just started secondary school and never goes out anywhere unless we take him with us or to go to school. He refuses to do the most basic of things for himself, (which causes very heated emotions on a daily basis), I would even say he puts more energy/effort/thought etc into actively NOT doing what he needs to rather than doing what we ask (ie have a wash usually involves him going into bathroom and just sitting on edge of bath for as long as it takes for us to lose our temper and end up washing him ourselves) this then leads to further issues because we have said we have had to wash him like a baby which in turn leads to further tension because we've "called him names". We are at the end of our ropes with this and are seriously considering if we are the best thing for him? Honestly, he couldn't be any worse off in care and maybe if he saw just what the real world is like without mom n dad wiping your nose all the time, maybe he would appreciate the " horrible" life he has with us (he actually believes he is an ill treated child). It sounds horrible but I don't know what else we can do. He says he has it hard & yes we are by no means rich, quite the opposite in fact, but he always has everything he needs, always food in the cupboards, clean clothes, bedding, home to live in and two parents who are still together & love him but maybe because he has all this, he takes things for granted & we do more harm than good? I don't know, any one got any ideas? 
  • Donna33
    Donna33 Community member Posts: 2 Listener
    Hi J0N4H848Y,
    Wow I go through the same thing at home, my son does not do the basic things I ask eg have a shower, unless I have asked him 3 times and usually only listens when I lose my temper. My son has no appreciation for the things we do for him and also takes everything for granted.  If I say the word " NO" I get told well your not a nice mother! Yes I understand what you mean about doing more harm then good in the way of making sure they have everything but at the same time if my son had lived the life I had as a child, no money, no food in the cupboard, no nice things then it might have actually made him a better person, rather then rude and maybe spoilt.When it comes to behavior its a catch 22 situation,If my son isnt doing what he is asked I give him 3 warnings then I try and do the right thing by taking something away that he likes, eg, money, playstation etc and he can have it back the next day but  The problem is actually going through with it, if I take something away then all hell can break loose, swearing, smashing up his room, following me around the house moaning, this isnt a normal meltdown a toddler would have this sort of behavior can go on for hours until I am so physically and mentally drained my heart goes crazy and I need to sleep, and if I dont take something away I am not teaching him anything. But if you've got the strength and you and your partner can take turns then try and go through with this in regards to him not wanting a bath. Also it might be better if he just has a shower every other day, some people might not agree but this level of stress for parents is not fair and if it makes life easier then so what.
    I understand children with Autism have no empathy for other peoples thoughts and feelings, I understand how difficult life is for them and how little things to us are big things to them. Its very easy for parents who do not have a child with these problems to say, you need to have more patients etc but after 14 years I have no patients left! Living with children with problems is very stressful, draining and demanding, and no professional can help as they are not living the same life as us!

  • J0N4H848Y
    J0N4H848Y Community member Posts: 4 Listener
    Hi @Donna33,
    Thanks for the reply and advice. Its just nice to realise that we're not alone in this and other parents have just as bad ( and worse), days. If u ever need to talk with someone, even just to moan & get things off your chest, you can always message us. A problem shared & all that. Anyway, we gonna try the suggested methods and will let you know if they work. Thanks again. Speak soon. :smile:


Complete our feedback form and tell us how we can make the community better.