Supporting my son with Aspergers who is gay - any advice?

AbigailFrances73

I'm hoping there are more parents out there in the same situation as me. Raising a son with Aspergers and supporting him mentally and emotionally with being gay. He feels so isolated and alone. Coming into his teenage years and being picked on and bullied, he is so vulnerable with his mental state about him as a person. I cry out for help as all I see is his talent and intellect. A support network is desperately needed for our children as these are their most important and vulnerable years.  

CockneyRebel

Hello and welcome Abigail
We have a parents section where I am sure you will find support.
Please let us know if you need any help

CR

steve51

Hi @AbigailFrances73

Welcome to our website and online community and online community.

Sam_Alumni

Hi @AbigailFrances73 welcome to the community.

How is your son socially? Would he cope with a youth group? My daughter is gay and she goes to a great LGBTQ+ youth group that has really helped her.

Sam_Alumni

@VioletFenn do you have any ideas on support groups for young LGBTQ+ people with an ASD diagnosis?

VioletFenn

Hi @AbigailFrances73

I don't know of any groups off the top of my head, but I can ask around for you. Have you tried any local ASD support groups? They might well be helpful even if they're not specifically aimed at LGBT+ people. If you google 'ASD support' and the name of your town, something should come up. 

I'll do some digging re more targets groups.

Violet 
ASD advisor, Scope

VioletFenn

Just dropping in to say I haven't forgotten about this - am waiting on someone getting back to me  

Violet

ASD advisor
Scope

VioletFenn

Okay so I'm actually having real problems with this! It turns out that there are local LGBT+ groups who have sub-groups for autistic members (although all the ones I've found are for adults only and I'm not sure of your son's exact age).

The best thing might be to approach local LGBT+ groups directly and ask them if they can help.

How are you and your son getting on in general just now?

Violet
ASD advisor, Scope

AbigailFrances73

Thankyou for all your advice. As he is high functioning and very bright most groups I've tried to access in the past cater for alot of disabilities.  So I'm then up against a young teen feeling like he's in the wrong place, if that make sense. Not to disrespect others, it's a sense of not fitting in anyway. He's 5 10 and only 12. Love fashion piano and art, and just feel trapped with no friends or anyone to relate to. His age is a barrier at present because he is so vulnerable to bullies and just want to fit in somewhere. I cry inside and want him to feel he's not the only one.

Geoark

Hello @AbigailFrances73 and welcome to the community.

Having Aspergers or recognising yourself as gay at a young age are two areas where young people feel out of place in most places where they find themselves so I can appreciate how your son is feeling.

It was not until my  daughter was your son's age and started pursuing her passion at the time, indie music, that she really started to make friends. It was difficult for me at the time, wanting to support her but also being aware of the dangers she could face. She is 25 now, she has three trips planned abroad, including Norway in February with friends, some of whome she met when she was 12. She has never had a huge group of friends, but the ones she have are very understanding and amazingly loyal to her though non have autism a few are gay. 

The LGBT community in general is very welcoming and protective over its young vulnerable members. My daughter gets he hair cut by a CIC gay company and it is one of the best hairdressing sallons I have seen. From the moment we arrived, she had explained to them she has aspergers when she made her first appointment, until we left they did everything to make her comfortable. The first time she went she had never had her hair cut, so it was something she was very anxious about. I mention it because it is also a safe area for young disabled people who can just pop in for cup of tea and chat and where they feel safe.

I am seeing a friend today who is involved in House Pride, an LGBT group who work in social housing and will ask if she has any ideas.

Geoark

Hi @AbigailFrances73 I spoke to my friend and she said there are lgbt youth groups, and as there are a significant number of autistic people who are gay, and identify other than hetrosexual there is a good chance your son will feel for more comfortable.

As we are both London based and this area is better served some areas are less better served. If you are prepared to let me know your nearest town/city without giving too much of where you live she is happy to ask around.

In the meantime Stonewall have a search facility so you can see what is local to you. http://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-advice/whats-my-area youth groups are near the bottom of the first drop down list. Or you can check out https://www.stonewall.org.uk/category/youth-groups which lists youth groups around the UK, unfortunately does not seem to link directly to them so you may need to google any close to you

If you are in Scotland try https://www.lgbtyouth.org.uk/youth-groups

Hope this helps with you and your son.

AbigailFrances73

Thankyou so much for your advice. I will be sure to check out the link. We are based in suffolk cambridge boarder but frequent in London twice a mth. I appreciate your help. 

jerry7258

Hi abigail
My son also has asd and recently told me me he like boys and girls I'm fully behind him as i love him so much but also not sure what to do u have contacted lbgt with groups on a sat but these are for children with no disabilities bot sure what to do now 

Geoark

Hello @jerry7258 and welcome to the community.

Can I please clarify something in your post, are you saying the group/s you contacted would not accept your son, or that you are looking for a group specifically with children/young people with disabilities?

Have you contacted stonewall, link above, to see if they can help?

jerry7258

Hi geoark I am looking for a site so I we can get a little support as this is a new chapter of my son's life

Geoark

Hi @jerry7258 and @AbigailFrances73

A friend pointed out to me today that Stonewall has a site specifically for young LGBT https://www.youngstonewall.org.uk I have had a quick look and it is far more youth orientated than the adult site.

jerry7258

Brilliant hun I will check it our thankyou again