N.I.M.BY. - is it ok for a neighbour to complain about a child with autism making noise?

thespiceman

Hello caught the early news this morning a piece on a little lad who has autism and has problems communicating.  Means he screeches and hollers not my words but the neighbours who sent a note complaining about this.  I am absolutely devastated for the family concerned.  My heart goes out to them.  As a child growing up in a community who treated disabled not wanted, ignored, bullied and put down.  Even my own family.  I decide to fight my corner and started to be what I wanted to be.  Much to the chagrin of the community and especially my family.  Who only wanted to control me.  I lived in community you see where people like us where any view and opinion was met with sceptism and laughed at .  Pouring scorn and belittlement was the start of a campaign of harassment.  There were people in my community who did nothing but this and could wait to tell my family anything I was doing.  Some people did not even know I was number two son in my family.  I just did my own thing.  It is strange even now I had experiences where ever I had moved to.  I moved about five times because the neighbours did not seem it becoming to befriend a disabled man.  I was once burgled well several times and the neighbours did not even ask or acknowledge that situation.  Police asked them for support did not want to know.  So it goes on this N.I.M.B.Y. Where I am now I am only too aware of people who want to become my friend.  Is this because they like me or is me being not trusting.  I have suffered hate crime.  Being in a new area once a lady knocked on my door offering badges for some charity at a high price.  Any way I immediately said I am need of some support if and when I need it.  Could you help asking very politely as you do.  Details and information.  Much to my horror shouting at me when my friend appears who was helping me came to the front door to see all the fuss.  I told him what happened in which he replied to the lady he needs some support and information.  Found out lived up the road but put all sorts of excuses in the way.  He said what are selling these for when you got the chance to help some  one.  What more can I say.  Has anybody out their got similar experiences.

Nystagmite

I'm sure their attitude would change if the child was a relatives of theirs.

I live in a ground floor flat. Above me, is a couple with two young children. One of whom does scream a lot, (thankfully, not at some silly hour; so I'm not going to say anything) I won't be overly surprised if he does have, to put it politely, problems.

thespiceman

Hello thank you for replying.  I am that person who traumatised by my experiences do have problems connecting with people who are not in our community.  I have support from a mental health charity.  I have seen too many children like me grow up with not only mental health issues but have a history of addiction.  I wish and pray that we as a society stop this hurting of people.

Blue Frog

I can see both sides of this.  Please read what I am saying carefully as I am not having a go at anyone. I am just talking about the case that was on the news now.  

My daughter is profoundly disabled, and she makes a LOT of noise. She has been screaming on and off since four this morning.  I absolutely adore her, and I understand why she is doing it.  But, I really wouldn't want to have to listen to it all day and night, for the rest of my life if she wasn't my beloved first born.  

I think the neighbours were incredibly rude complaining, and used completely unacceptable language. 

Yes society needs to treat people with disabilities better.  Especially people whose disabilities can't always be seen.

But that doesn't mean the neighbours should be suffering from excess noise and not be upset by it.  They too are part of society, and have a right to some quiet and a chance to sleep. 

That child, and his parents are not to blame and I am not for one minute judging them.  

Society needs to help by providing support to the families in managing behavior, speech and language therapy, specialist autism support, adaptations to the house e.g. Sound proofing, respite care etc. 

Normally I would be livid if anyone didn't accept disabilities and complained, but don't think this issue is quite as black and white as it initially seems 
 

Sam_Alumni

I think @Blue Frog makes a very good point.

Sam_Alumni

Ricky on twitter said:

https://twitter.com/rjsh11/status/906092696690937859

Sam_Alumni

Ron says

https://twitter.com/ronbollard66/status/906080912571584512

Nystagmite

In regard to Ron's comment - on the flip side, we have to accept each other. As mentioned, I do have a neighbour whose child tends to scream. whilst it's utterly irritating at times (oh, the joys of being an adult with Hyperacusis) we do have to also accept that things will happen.

I had this argument with a previous neighbour who claimed the reason why they allow their grandchildren to scream and throw things, (even at 7am or 8 / 9pm) is because "they're children". Um, no.

YOKUL

Well now - Two sides to very coin. I am a disabled person with heart issues. I am not very mobile and have lived in my home for sixty years. Next door has just been let out and there is a severely disabled child who has autism and screams a lot. This is causing me much stress. I have explained my situation to the mother, and although sympathetic, she says there is nothing she can do. The issue is very serious as I am really under great stress - I am terrified that each outburst will be the last I shall hear. Do I move out of my home?