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Incident at the bus station

I had an unfortunate incident at the bus station yesterday and just have to tell someone. I cannot undo it and I can't take back what I said. I have Primary Sjogren's Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue and osteoarthritis. I use a stick for support and sit down wherever possible.
I had to wait for 25 mins for bus home so I sat down in the bus station just next to where the bus pulls in. A queue began to form. When the bus arrived I stood and went to the head of the queue( I was actually there first as had just missed one). Usually people are kind and let me get on first. I don't mind waiting if I have to. Yesterday I was feeling particularly unwell and my brain fog was worse than usual. The woman at the head of the queue said to me ' I am before you' or something like that. For the first time I actually said 'I am disabled'. She replied 'How do you know I'm not'. I said I have been sitting waiting for a long time meaning I was here before you, which was true and got on the bus. She was right I think, I should not have said what I did and now I am beating myself up about it. However, she then went on to tell the rest of the queue that people like me should not take advantage, and they agreed!
How should I handle this in future?
I had to wait for 25 mins for bus home so I sat down in the bus station just next to where the bus pulls in. A queue began to form. When the bus arrived I stood and went to the head of the queue( I was actually there first as had just missed one). Usually people are kind and let me get on first. I don't mind waiting if I have to. Yesterday I was feeling particularly unwell and my brain fog was worse than usual. The woman at the head of the queue said to me ' I am before you' or something like that. For the first time I actually said 'I am disabled'. She replied 'How do you know I'm not'. I said I have been sitting waiting for a long time meaning I was here before you, which was true and got on the bus. She was right I think, I should not have said what I did and now I am beating myself up about it. However, she then went on to tell the rest of the queue that people like me should not take advantage, and they agreed!
How should I handle this in future?
Replies
I am retired now but gave up work because of my condition and also got cancer, thankfully now treated successfully.
Welcome to the community, it is good to have you here, we can shift posts about if they would do better in different categories so don't worry too much, but you can take a look at all the different categories here.
I think you need to not be too tough on yourself, you weren't making assumptions about anyone else, just making a statement about yourself. The woman is right in that we don't know what anyone else is going through or what their situation is.
How could you have dealt with it? I suppose you could have explained that you had been there for a while but needed to sit whilst you waited, or you could have waited till others boarded the bus and then got on.
This other woman could have handled things differently too, she could have spoken to you privately and not involved everyone in the queue, she could have had some patience and allow you to board first.
And the people in the queue could have handled things in a different way, they could have showed more compassion and not joined in.
The reality is that we just don't know what others are going through, but we can only have responsibility for our own actions. This other woman may have had an invisible impairment, she may have been in a lot of pain, on medication, just had bad news, etc. Does any disability excuse rudeness? I don't think so but if we can all be a bit more open minded and compassionate, then the world would be a better place.
It is easy to overthink events that bother us, to replay it over and over again wondering what could have been done differently, but does it do you any good? I would try to move forward and remember that we can only try our best
Senior online community officer
No problem, rant away
Don't go beating yourself up, most of us will understand and will have been in similar situations. This country loves a queue and some people seem to get protective over their place in it , to the point of rudeness as you have found out. Perhaps, if you see a queue start to form in the future you could make the people aware that you are also waiting for the bus .
Please have a look around and join in with any discussion. Let us know if we can help in any way
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I do not drive, never have done, so I rely on buses, trains etc for transport. So, I do need to sit, if queuing for a bus for example. This has also impacted on the type of work that can be done myself. Years ago, I had a housekeeper's job in an old people's home, now days, I must look for something much less physical, like a receptionist.
I do count myself lucky that bystanders can see that I am disabled, though it does not always guarantee me a seat on a packed tube train!
Senior online community officer
Senior online community officer