Incident at the bus station

jennyjuniper

I had an unfortunate incident at the bus station yesterday and just have to tell someone.  I cannot undo it and I can't take back what I said.  I have Primary Sjogren's Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue and osteoarthritis.  I use a stick for support and sit down wherever possible. 
I had to wait for 25 mins for bus home so I sat down in the bus station just next to where the bus pulls in.  A queue began to form.  When the bus arrived I stood and went to the head of the queue( I was actually there first as had just missed one).  Usually people are kind and let me get on first.  I don't mind waiting if I have to.  Yesterday I was feeling particularly unwell and my brain fog was worse than usual.  The woman at the head of the queue said to me ' I am before you' or something like that.  For the first time I actually said 'I am disabled'.  She replied 'How do you know I'm not'.  I said I have been sitting waiting for a long time meaning I was here before you, which was true and got on the bus.  She was right I think, I should not have said what I did and now I am beating myself up about it.    However, she then went on to tell the rest of the queue that people like me should not take advantage, and they agreed!
How should I handle this in future?

jennyjuniper

Sorry about the above rant, just realised this is welcomes and introductions.  this is the first time I visited the site so not sure about the etiquette.  Not usually on such a downer, but not myself right now.
I am retired now but gave up work because of my condition and also got cancer, thankfully now treated successfully. 

Sam_Alumni

Hi @jennyjuniper
Welcome to the community, it is good to have you here, we can shift posts about if they would do better in different categories so don't worry too much, but you can take a look at all the different categories here.

I think you need to not be too tough on yourself, you weren't making assumptions about anyone else, just making a statement about yourself.  The woman is right in that we don't know what anyone else is going through or what their situation is.

How could you have dealt with it? I suppose you could have explained that you had been there for a while but needed to sit whilst you waited, or you could have waited till others boarded the bus and then got on.

This other woman could have handled things differently too, she could have spoken to you privately and not involved everyone in the queue, she could have had some patience and allow you to board first.

And the people in the queue could have handled things in a different way, they could have showed more compassion and not joined in.

The reality is that we just don't know what others are going through, but we can only have responsibility for our own actions.  This other woman may have had an invisible impairment, she may have been in a lot of pain, on medication, just had bad news, etc. Does any disability excuse rudeness? I don't think so but if we can all be a bit more open minded and compassionate, then the world would be a better place.

It is easy to overthink events that bother us, to replay it over and over again wondering what could have been done differently, but does it do you any good? I would try to move forward and remember that we can only try our best  

CockneyRebel

Hi jenny and welcome

No problem, rant away 
Don't go beating yourself up, most of us will understand and will have been in similar situations. This country loves a queue and some people seem to get protective over their place in it , to the point of rudeness as you have found out. Perhaps, if you see a queue start to form in the future you could make the people aware that you are also waiting for the bus .

Please have a look around and join in with any discussion. Let us know if we can help in any way

CR

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thespiceman

Hello @jennyjuniper sorry what happened to you.  Please understand I know how you feel.  I hate queues and especially in crowded places.  This is the problem at the minute it is really what is going on.  I have this constantly and it is becoming worse.  This attitude of everybody becoming self centered and selfish.  No one helps anybody do they.  At this time had this on Monday in a shop.  People behind me as I queue in a till putting my goods on the belt.  Have problems with hands and guy behind me so impatient starting putting them literally straight away .  I had no room for what I had.  Looking at me with the body language hurry up, get a move on.  I said I had to make a comment do you want to go first .  By then my goods whizzing down a shute the lad pushing them piling them up and me getting annoyed and well that's life.  Last time dropped milk and eggs.  So next time had to see if a large queue go around shop till it goes smaller.  Even got tooted most days because I drive slow and not a whizz kid.  I got a penalty ticket once for going over speed limit and ended up doing 4 hour course.  This such a long time ago.  Only everyone just be patience and tolerant but this will never happen.  By way had to use bus last time lady came on aboard with children me not far to go gave her my seat with no response of thank you very kind.  Only time I had been on.  Please take care and I hope this has not put you off from going out.  I know I struggle with this and understand the problems.  I know also I have to use a taxi sometimes because I have this exact problem you have described.  If I and when I can not drive due to getting older.  Also with my disability  mental health getting worse.

Geniedebs

I completely understand. From birth, I have had a congenital dislocation of the left hip and a somewhat twisted spine. My ability to walk, and stand, has decreased with age.

I do not drive, never have done, so I rely on buses, trains etc for transport. So, I do need to sit, if queuing for a bus for example. This has also impacted on the type of work that can be done myself. Years ago, I had a housekeeper's job in an old people's home, now days, I must look for something much less physical, like a receptionist.

I do count myself lucky that bystanders can see that I am disabled, though it does not always guarantee me a seat on a packed tube train!

jennyjuniper

Thank you all for your comments, I did say to the woman that I had been waiting for the bus while seated, made no difference   I hadn't pushed through the short queue but was standing by the gap in barrier by the seats.  I also was wearing splits on my hands and using NHS walking stick both visible,  For short trips I usually drive if I know I can park in disabled bay, sometimes for longer trips to hospital it's the patient transport service, but I like to keep independent if poss.  I just hope I don't come across her again.

Sam_Alumni

@Geniedebs are you in London? You can apply for a badge that requests people offer you a seat.

jennyjuniper

Not in London, I live in Hexham in Northumberland.  I have heard about these badges, but not applicable here.  I have sometimes thought it would be handy to have something like that to carry around just in case I am challenged.

Geniedebs

Thanks Sam. I do not live in London though.

Sam_Alumni

Hexham is a beautiful part of the country @jennyjuniper

Dasiydo

I have problems with buses too one got Disable bus pass which OAP don't like in Stafford Staffordshire second because can't see my dyspraxia as my hearing aid under my hair. I fed up of people moading " You not Disable" " You too young have OAP bus pass. When show my hearing aid started shout even bus stop moading " I got shopping tolly and I had move when push chair come I am disabled and it wrong for use to move from disable seat.