Motherscuffer is a mum of 6 and shares her life with her family on instagram, today she talks about whether you should treat all children the same, or whether they need individual care based on their needs and character.
I grew up as
part of a large family, I was the youngest of four and I was often told by my
older siblings that I was spoilt and didn’t have the same responsibilities as
them. This is possibly true, I don’t really know. But as a child it feels like
it’s not fair that you’re not all treated the same. Perhaps they remember
having jobs to do when I was too little to start having any.
I’m now a
mother of 6 children, one of whom has additional needs and I’ve realised that
it’s not possible to treat all my children the same. I can try and be fair with them, but that’s a
different thing.
My biggest
lad has left home now, but I still have 5 little ones at home ranging in age
between 3 months and 8 years. My 8 year old is quite highly strung and can be
fairly difficult, whereas his 6 year old brother is easy going and eager to
please. My 8 year old needs a clear routine that is fixed in place, if it’s
like that and he knows the rules he can’t argue (and blimey he likes to argue).
Every day
they can have an hour each playing on the tablet, we use a kitchen timer and
when the time is up they’re often reluctant to stop. With my 8 year old I need
to use the threat that he won’t get computer time the next day if he doesn’t
turn it off, whereas with my 6 year old I can just say “I’m going to count to
3…” and always by the time I get to 2 he’s stopped playing.
With our 4
year old, who has additional needs, our approach is different again. I tend to
give him more warnings that his time playing is coming to an end and then when
it’s time to turn off the tablet I will say “do you want me to turn it off or
do you want to do it?” He needs limited options and likes to do things himself
so doing it this way means he always chooses to turn it off himself.
This is just
a small example of how we approach things generally on a daily basis, they all
get the same amount of time to play, so perceive that it is “fair”, but I know
I have to approach them each differently due to their differing personalities
and needs.
Perhaps my
children will feel how my siblings did, my mum agrees that she treated us
differently, for the same reasons I do my children, but she always tried to be
fair with us all. Maybe they will only understand why when they grow up and
have their own children. I suppose my point is that it’s OK to approach your
children differently, and it’s OK to explain to them why you do, they will
understand even if they don’t always like it at the time.
What do you
think? Is it possible to treat all children the same? Or is it OK to adopt a
different approach each time?
