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Please help.

Catman Member Posts: 64 Courageous
I'm really not sure where to go or what to do but I'm in a dire situation right now. 

I met my partner in December 2015 and within two months, she and her two young children moved from Isle of Sheppey in Kent to my one bed flat in Bristol. All was okay for a while, cramped but we managed. I was still working at the time, as a skilled fitter for GKN Aerospace in Filton, Bristol. I was on a phased return to work after being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in October 2015. Sadly my condition worsened and I was released in August 2016. That was when things began to get bad. Rach my partner slowly became more dependent on Alcohol and began abusing me. Within months she was frequently being arrested for domestic violence against me and some real nasty assaults occured. Rach eventually lost her children. One of the things we had to do in order to get her kids back was to find suitable accomadation. As I was no longer employed, that would mean renting. So I put my flat up for sale and it was sold in August last year. I had hoped that Rach would stop drinking, I believed in her and loved her with all my heart. Sadly the abuse continued and she was arrested again and held on remand. She was released to her parent's address in Kent and after the sale of my home, I moved here. She continues to work with Probation and is presently sober. We sleep in the lounge on a blow up bed and it's extremely stressful here. My health has deteriorated, mostly the Fibromyalgia and Depression, I'm presently in a very dark place, miss Bristol, my church and support network badly. Rach's children are now in Canada with her ex and his family and she resents the times I called the Police on her so that makes me partly to blame, in her book. 

I'm here with Casper my devoted cat and am desperate now to find a place, back west with any luck for Casper and me before the 25k I have left from the sale of my home is eaten away. Please can you help me in anyway. 

Thank-you for taking the time to read this. 


  • CockneyRebel
    CockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,216 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Catman

    My thoughts and prayers have been with you since I first read your story
    I sounds like a move back west is what you need
    Would your church be able to put you in touch with suitable property agencies ?

    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • Catman
    Catman Member Posts: 64 Courageous
    Thanks my friend. It's a move I have to make for my sanity. My depression has me tightly in it's grip right now. 
  • jackykins
    jackykins Member Posts: 15 Connected
    I have been there my husband was an alcoholic its not your fault I took beatings had to run with my children in the end this was years ago but please get away she will never change  I know some people rally try ita a disease but so so hard to stop my thoughts and prayers are with you 

  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Acknowledging your post, @Catman and, for the second time in a matter of minutes, words fail me.  I am so very sorry.
    Would it be worth expending some of that 25k in renting for a few months whilst you sort yourself out? And please, please make a clean break so that you can't even be harassed by phone. I know what that is like.
    Sorry I can't offer any better wisdom,
    Warmest best wishes to you,
  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,798 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Catman, thank you for sharing this with us- it sounds like you're in a really difficult situation and I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been through. 

    As your situation is quite complex, I wonder if you would be comfortable calling the Scope helpline? You can call them at 0800 800 3333 or find other methods of contact here. They may be best placed to offer advice and point you in the right direction, although please do keep us updated and we'll offer guidance where we can. 

    In the meantime, it might also be worth having a look at the online benefits calculator to see if there are any benefits you may be able to claim to increase your income. I really hope you manage to get things sorted and find a way to move forwards.
  • Misscleo
    Misscleo Member Posts: 647 Pioneering
    Its so often women who get fleeced.
    You need to cut yourself off from her
    Tjank god her kids are with their dad.
    Have talk with CAB see if they can get your money sorted. There should be a benefit you can claim 
    Good luck
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,748 Listener
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  • Jean_OT
    Jean_OT Member Posts: 513 Pioneering

    Hi @Catman

    Here is a link to an organisation which may be able to advise you:

    Best Wishes


    Jean Merrilees BSc MRCOT

    You can read more of my posts at:

  • jose2
    jose2 Member Posts: 126 Pioneering
    Hello again @Catman,this may sound very boring to you on my part and have wrote via scope imparting suggestions to you before ,I have looked at alanon meetings places co/ Bristol and there are 5 meeting places , day and evening sessions in and around that area ,they as I have said before they are to help YOU!(not the alcoholic in your life)and to help you understand you! and the reasons why you are are or feel you have no other options or choices other than to be with an alcoholic.They suggest  you only  attend 6 sessions, less  if you find it's not for you,you do not have to talk if you so wish, but to listen to others stories just as yours ,you will find your not alone and that others have gone through the same thing as yourself,they support you through bad times  .They do not pressurise you to leave your alcoholic,that is entirely your decision,they give you the tools to deal with it all in a much better way.
    I do send my warmest wishes to you
  • maid08
    maid08 Member Posts: 307 Connected
    as a father of four boys whom i brought up alone after nutcase wife who was clever abused but turned it into me abusing her   i can say stand firm ??ALONE?? never feel you are wrong never fel sorry for them who abuse as thats their  trap  but they wont change ?get help  to find a home build it for yourself their are millions decent women and humans out here and in time you will find that one  but in the meantime stay strong its hard but so so worth it in the end and i am male just cant use own account at the moment


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