Dating and relationships
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Learning difficulties and relationship issues

LozC57LozC57 Member Posts: 1 Listener
edited April 2018 in Dating and relationships
My brother has learning difficulties and in these last few days his wife has left him.  He has always lacked empathy with others and is quite self orientated.  He has anger issues and although we have all tried to help him see things from other people's perspectives, he just has not taken any advice or life lessons on board.  He has caused lots of trouble with landlords, police, other members of their local communities and families on both sides, having to move house time and again,  so now it has come to a head with his wife leaving.  He is very lost and cannot understand why, despite both family and his wife trying to warn him of what could occur if he did not seek help to change. 

None of us are professionals or experts in the counseling or psychological help he may need to change and are trying to support him best we can.  He has said he is determined to try understand his mistakes and change but after so many years of not taking help and advice given, I feel he needs more than our rather inadequate attempts to help.

He ideally wants to prove to his wife he can and will change his ways.  He has been attending anger management meetings for quite some time which this time appears to be helping.  He does not work but does have a volunteer job in a charity shop and takes several further education courses (maths and English).

My question on all this is, are there support groups or workshops that may help someone of his abilities to understand the needs of his wife and others, gain empathy and hopefully mend his relationship with his wife and family?  Someone who deals with learning disabled/difficulties on a relationship level who may help him come to terms with her leaving, why and how to deal with the eventualities if she does or does not come back.

My husband and I are trying to support him on a practical track as we know he would not do that first and foremost and as he is on benefits we do not want him to get into a position where he gets in mess with money and allowances, which would also strain any reconcilliation.  We are encouraging him to keep occupied and busy and seek help from his support worker and CAB and his doctor, which he is doing.

Please can anyone advise of any groups or contacts for help in the Leeds area who may be the right ones to assist.

Many thanks.

Lorraine C.


  • JennysDadJennysDad Member Posts: 2,308 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello Lorraine @LozC57 and welcome to the community. It's half past midnight as I write, so I don't know exactly when you posted this and I apologize if you've been kept waiting long. I am very sorry to read of your difficulties, and impressed to read how bravely you appear to be dealing with them.

    I don't have specific answers to your questions, but I have no doubt that others on here will be able to offer you useful advice if you will just bear with us.

    Reading your post, however, I do wonder what sort of diagnosis your brother's GP or others may have come up with? As someone who has worked in the field - but who could still be dead wrong :) - some of what you describe might fit a diagnosis of autism/aspergers.

    For the time being, perhaps you'd like to have a look at our Learning Difficulties forum? https//

    Here and listening, and hoping we find the right information for you,
    Warmest best wishes,

  • Pippa_AlumniPippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,851 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 2018
    Hi @LozC57, and welcome to the community!

    Hopefully our sex and relationships expert (@PSHEexpert) will be in touch soon!
  • mossycowmossycow Member Posts: 495 Pioneering
    Didn't want to read and not post. He is very lucky to have your support and I wish you so much luck and support. 
    Do you mind me asking  does he have a named/specific diagnosis (if that's OK to use that terminology). I only ask as I used to teach and volunteer with an autism school and groups and they had support in relationships. 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    @PSHEexpert can you help?
    Senior online community officer
  • PSHEexpertPSHEexpert Member Posts: 170 Pioneering
    Hi all.  I apologise for my slowness - some medical stuff going on this end and I'm not keeping up very well, really sorry.  I have missed this thread altogether.

    I definitely agree that he could do with some support.  I'm going to speak to my colleagues within the Supported Loving campaign and see who we've got locally in Leeds who might be able to help. 
    - Gill 
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