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Being made to feel guilty

NystagmiteNystagmite Member Posts: 609 Pioneering
This is getting ridiculous now. Has anyone else experienced the following with their so called friends?

I, amongst other things, have Hyperacusis, (my hearing is too sensitive) auditory processing disorder (I don't process sound the way I should do and can't filter out noise) and Autism.

I met someone 5 years ago through an Autism event I think it was who tries to invite me to everything. She doesn't seem to understand that I have no interest in doing things like going to the pub and that anywhere loud is a no-no.

It's like talking to a brick wall at times with her. She can't grasp the fact that I'm not interested at all, so why after 5 years, still try to invite me? She tries to make me feel guilty if I tell her no. Even when I say that (because it's true) I'm doing other things or can't go out for other reasons unrelated to my disabilities.

Replies

  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,284 Disability Gamechanger

    @Nystagmite, Hello, have you thought it's not you or your condition, it may be a cry for help? The first outing event you attended gave the person support and you may have came across as someone who cares. The persistence of the person most likely is a personality trait of the person and part of their illness, disability something they have to live with. What action you take maybe ignoring texts phone calls by blocking them and the same for emails if you use this service. On no account get abusive remember the person has an illness and cannot accept the rejection or the negative responses from you or others. 
  • NystagmiteNystagmite Member Posts: 609 Pioneering
    Hmmm, never thought of that. but now you've mentioned it.
  • charlenecharlene Member Posts: 555 Pioneering
    My Niece, would phone people excessively, because she 'needed attention'. In the month leading up to her suicide, the phone calls to some were relentless. ambulance service (hundred of calls overnight)., thousands in a month. Her senior case worker, would receive hundreds overnight.  It was part of her illness, which was difficult to cope with.
    When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
  • NystagmiteNystagmite Member Posts: 609 Pioneering
    The strange thing is, some of these things I'm invited to, she's not even going to. I sort of know (I've met him once) her friend hosting the events and that's it.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • MarkinsuttonMarkinsutton Member Posts: 83 Pioneering
    I remember a long time ago about having a chat with a counsellor about guilt, she told me that it was mainly a self learnt thing, meaning that in most cases its not the other person knowingly making you feel guilty but you doing it yourself. I asked her to explain more and she said that you are judging your standards on someone else. They do not have any real reason for making you feel guilty and in most cases are not aware they are. I basically reply back by saying " is it me that is making me feel guilty?" she said yes and it's an emotion that doesn't really apply in most cases.  In your case it seems like the other person has poor awareness how you feel and sometimes people are unable to learn. 
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    We are responsible for how we feel, nobody else, just us. 
    If they are autistic they might not be aware of how others actually feel or be able to know how they even feel. 

    They are still inviting you after five years because you are still letting them. I would text or email and explain not to invite you anywhere- accept for giving them a yes window. 
    If they still did I would distance myself from the friendship to be honest. Others have conditions and issues, but if it's causing me stress and potentially making me ill, I come first.
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • NystagmiteNystagmite Member Posts: 609 Pioneering
    Thanks.

    I will point out that I've been out with her once which I can't say I really enjoyed. So it's not like I went out with her for some 2-3 years and now suddenly, I've started saying no.
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Hope it works out. I've distanced myself from people I find too overpowering etc.

    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Example,
    as you know I have anxiety,
    my “friend “ txt me to ask me to a night out for her birthday, seriously!!!
    now Iv the guilts about saying NO again.
    why can’t she just listen and stop asking me

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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Victoriad,
    i already have fallen off there radar.
    not seen this person since her last birthday, had a coffee.
    she was too busy to see me on my birthday and still waiting on the postman delivering the card she posted in February lol
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Victoriad,
    thank you  :)
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