Asperger’s
My Thought Process
I didn’t want to be here in the first place.
The voice says in my head
When I start talking, I forget to stop
I get tongue tied when I’m speaking, because my thoughts run faster than my
mouth
I think that what you’re saying is interesting, the
voice says in my head
While thinking about what you are saying I missed the rest of what you said
I had the perfect answer, but now you’re talking about something else
And now the perfect answer has gone straight out of my head
I’ll try to catch up with what you’re now saying
instead.
I didn’t want to be here in the first place,
The voice says in my head
Now thinking
What else can I say instead?
My response just went over your head
I express myself better when writing,
So how is your day I ask?
Hoping you will lead the conversation
While I work with the emotions in my head!
The room has now become crowded.
Others have come over to join us, I smile I hope a welcoming grin,
Yet my brain is finding it difficult to control
The din of so many voices all jumbling in,
Words all jumping around, as bouncy balls all making sounds
I feel my head swim,
My pulse starts to race,
I’m anxious
I can’t keep pace
Now what can I do to save face.
Heart racing,
I look for safe retreat,
Waiting for the right moment, to get to my feet,
Wait,
What shall I say as I make my escape?
Panic tightens my chest
Can’t catch my breath
I’m sure I will die;
Dizzily I feel frozen in this place
I look upwards and silently say to the sky
I didn’t want to be here, you see, this is why
My leaving a blur
Muttered thanks
Excuses for leaving so soon
Now home safe as panic subsides,
Happy that I had survived
Awaiting the beginning of depolarization time
The analysis of every minute that has gone by,
From how lucky am I to have survived?
To
Why did they ask that?
Was my answer correctly made?
In a manner that didn’t offend?
I wish I hadn’t been there
I never know when the analysis will end
And
Another set of flashback to drive me round the bend
Awaiting triggers
To start the whole analysis
All over again
I didn’t ask to be there
Yet
It would have been rude not to attend.
Will this never end?
Gwen Henderson 2018