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Why do other People think they have a right to Judge.

ColourfullColourfull Member Posts: 59 Courageous
Hi to all,

I was just reading an article on line about a Mum who parked in a disabled bay while going shopping was spoken to in not a very nice way by people crossing a car park as she had a 2 year old boy and 5 year old girl who has what I would call in visible illness ie you cannot tell the child/or an adult for that matter has disabilitys because they are not in a wheelchair can walk same as I can ect then people have a go at them for parking in a disabled parking bay they have every right too do that.

People are too harsh to Judge other people I am partially sighted but you cannot tell until I walk into someone and don't like crowds of people as the above happens.
It's the same as me having IBS you cannot tell people have it but it's very annoying when you have to plan when you can go out and make sure you've had medication before you go out.

And as for what you accomplish in life and how you go about it it's Well you don't look disabled"""""".
I would have much rather not had many of the Problems I've had in my life having to overcome so much stigma I am only how I am through determination to get over the Problems I face every day which can be differant day to day.

Life is hard for lots of people I know but it's not made any better by people who are judgemental when they do not know people's conditions.

People should be more accepting of other People.
The above is so annoying especially when adults don't know what someone else has been through to get to where they are today.

What are Peoples thoughts about the Above
Thankyou for Reading.

Colourfull.



Replies

  • lillybellelillybelle Member Posts: 469 Pioneering
    I agree whole heartedly 
  • fishingmumfishingmum Member Posts: 562 Pioneering
    unfortunately it is in our make up. we judge on how people look, potential robber, rapist, murderer etc and we avoid the person, the same goes for any perceived injusticies, wether correctly or not. More and more people feel they can comment regardless of the facts at hand. it is the preception that seems to allow people to put both feet in their mouth when addressing people they do not know over a situation they have no knowledge of. I have this happen a lot with my son who is autistic, does not look disabled therefore I am a target of those who think I am in a way stealing someone elses space who needs it.

    The more these things are out in the open instead of being hidden behind closed doors the more people will realise and hopefully think first before speaking.
    life is too short to let others make you miserable.
  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    Its YOU who are judging people.
    Dont park in a disabled bay when you clearly didnt need to.
    That mom should parked in a mom & baby bay.
    Disabled bays are for disabled people ie: cant walk and need to be close to shop etc.
    If gou dont have problems walking keep out of disabled bays.
    There are only a few (2 in our local shop) the scurity guards move people out of tbese if they have NO PROBLEM WALKING.
    if every selfish person is going to dump themselves in DISABLED parking bays we are going to need many many more bays so DISABLED people WHO HAVE PROBLEMS WALKING CAN PARK THEIR CAR.
    If you dont have problems walking keep out of disabled parking bays SO DISABLED PEOPLE CAN PARK.

  • ColourfullColourfull Member Posts: 59 Courageous
    We don't park in disabled bays only in normal ones.

    Colourfull.
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,355 Disability Gamechanger
    Misscleo, that's rather harsh, I am a blue badge holder using a mobility scooter. But when I am putting my scooter together I often see people with blue badges park and walk off normally no limp or walking AIDS to hand the later see them having walked several hundred yards around town shopping carrying full loaded bags, we often wonder what their disability may be! Hidden it must be but they certainly don't need to park close to the shops, the same for hospital car parks the one I have to visit it's over 100yrds to the main enterance then you have a further long distance to get to the correct department. 
  • debkenzodebkenzo Member Posts: 110 Pioneering
    I was once in a museum and a man was walking towards me, he wanted to pass by but he was not for moving aside, he could see I was struggling with my support rollator and he gave me a very impatient expression on his face and let out a tutted sound.  I stood my ground and did not budge so he had to walk around me. I felt annoyed and shouted at him, " I will swap you places for one day, just one day and see how you cope in my situation, come on Mr" He did not reply and continued on his way!!!  It was a risk i took to shout at him but there were hundreds of people around and also security cameras.  I felt quite safe.  
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Disabled does does mean only physically disabled. We should not judge. Why don’t they make all bays wide anyway? If you need the space in that bay then you need it. That’s your business. I understand you may need to be closer to your destination. If you have a physical disability do you want me to judge you to see if you deserve to use the space? I wouldn’t be so judgemental . I hope we are moving towards people becoming more tolerant. Live and let live. 
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    I do think people shouldn't judge, on the other hand i also like people to be more considerate of others needs and to protect their human rights and so speaking out is necessary. No need to speak to someone rudely though, and if most people had common sense and were considerate of others needs then nothing would need to be said at all as it wouldn't be presumed that people were selfish and lazy and prone to taking up disabled parking spots when they don't need them.




  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    If someone parks in a disabled bay and have a badge on show then regardless of what the illness it, visible or not I don’t give it a second thought. Whatever the issue that person has clearly the issuers of the blue badge thought that said person needed it.
    We of all people should not judge others 
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    @susan48 agreed 👍 
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 949 Pioneering
    @Misscleo That's pretty harsh. The DWP and the government work very hard to divide the able from the disabled, the unemployed from the employed, the "worthless" from everybody else. Don't let them divide us from each other.

    I don't drive, but if I did I'd have a blue badge, and I'd park in disabled bays.
    One reason is that I have severe anxiety, and walking across a large open space makes it worse.

    Second, that anxiety kicks in badly when there are a lot of people around. Knowing that my safe, quiet car is really close to the door would help me to deal long enough to get whatever I'm doing done. Sometimes, at least.

    Third, when I can go to the shop (not often, admittedly), I usually go late at night, when there are few people there. Having been mugged in a parking lot, I'd need to park as close to the doors/lights as possible, or I wouldn't be able to get to get out of my car.

    Fourth, I have chronic lower back pain, with sciatica. I hide the pain pretty well, so you probably wouldn't be able to tell, but it hurts like a motherf... Every meter I don't have to walk is a pain and fatigue saving for me.

    Fifth, as part of my chronic pain, I get acute back spasms. The pain is 7/10 - 9.5/10, they limit my mobility: sometimes I walk slowly, bent over, as little as possible, and sometimes I can't move without leaning heavily on someone. Very occasionally, I literally collapse to the ground and can't get up. They can happen anywhere from 0-6? times a week, and can last between a few minutes and 9 days (usually 1-2 days). They're usually triggered by standing or sitting for too long, walking too far, bending, or kneeling, but sometimes they seem to happen for no reason at all. I wouldn't leave the house if I were having one (I couldn't), and I don't go out much anyway, but walking through a shop is quite likely to set one off. I might look OK walking into the shop, but there's a good chance that I won't be when I'm coming out again. I'd be able to lower the back of the seat and lie down (the best position) until it passed, until meds kicked in, until a friend/housemate could come and drive me home, or until a taxi could come and get me.

    You never know what someone else is struggling with. Whenever I start to judge, I remind myself of that.
  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    You really shouldnt judge people who cant walk. If you had to get out of a car into wheelchair every time you parked you soon realise how difficult it is to do.
    And if you had to drive  round and round a cae park because people who CAN WALK have parked in dissabled bays you would be the 1st to moan.
    You think it will never happen to you with your "alright jack approch" to life BUT you could be in a car accident and loose your legs. Or get diabetus and have your legs amputated hey then youd have all "the fun" disabled people have trying to find a disabled bays that doesnt have a person WHO CAN WALK IN IT
  • hemamalihemamali Member Posts: 2 Listener
    Reading these articles about how some people judge others, reminded me of a poem I wrote many years ago.  “ Do not judge me, for you know nothing about me”  

    Its just not me some people judge, my deaf daughter too gets humiliated, judged and insulted.  When she was a little girl, a woman admired her.  Because she received no response from my three year old little girl, the woman said, “ How rude.., she is a very rude child”.    If I could turn the click back, I would tell her how I felt about her ignorant remark.  Her words were like sharp knives going through my heart.  So much so, although my daughter is an adult, I still feel angry about it.  This was when I started writing down my thoughts in a poem in order to console myself.  This is why i understand the frustration people who comment on this website feel.  No one has the right to judge anyone, but the human nature being what it is, some people can’t help it.  Like someone stated here, most disabilities are INVISIBLE.   Deafness is one of them.  The other is the discomfort and the pain a disabled person endure.  No one else can really feels the degree of the pain of another, because it is invisible.  You cannot describe it to another.  
  • hemamalihemamali Member Posts: 2 Listener
    Parking in Disable bays when you are not disabled 100% or disabled, but can get out of the car and take your own wheelchair out of the boot of your car and put it back in the boot of your car, all by yourself, and drive as well, in my view, is unfair on the severely disabled people who need assistance to get in and out of a vehicle, let alone drive one.  A comment here on this blog about a mother and the children parking in a disabled bay,  If the children can walk, but suffers from an invisible and incurable illness like ME, for the safety of the kids, the parent or the guardian should be allowed to park in a parking bay for the disabled, but they do have parking bays for “parents with children”.   Disabled or not, they have reserved parking spaces in super markets for parents with kids.  Why take up the space reserved for the “disabled”,  who are perhaps severely disabled, who has a wheel chair,  who needs assistance, who depends on the driver who needs the space to park the car to assist the disabled passenger, more than a person who can walk even a short distance?  I don’t know what the solution to this is, but this discussion might make people think.  There should be reserved parking bays in towns and in public places for parents with kids.  I haven’t seen any, except the parking spaces reserved for the disabled.  
  • Sasha08Sasha08 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Hello

    I am a very healthy looking 26 yr old, only thing is is that I have Aspergers - a form of Autism. I had a late diagnosis last year and every since I've been telling people (work colleagues, friends etc) I get the 'oh you don't look Autistic' 'You musn't have it that bad surely, you seem fine to me' . . . so people do judge when it's not just physical. 

    I also suffer with Anxiety due to my very late diagnosis and I tried to apply for a blue badge as I myself find it so difficult to not only park in a car park but the whole thought process and especially if it is a busy place. 

    My step dad suffers with Fibro and MS and he has a blue badge, someone judged him when getting out of his vehicle saying he merely only had a blue badge because he was 'fat' - no one stood up for him. 

    People are too quick to judge, being disabled is no longer just someone in a wheelchair or someone who can't walk, it's more than that. 

    Sasha/x

  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 949 Pioneering
    @Misscleo I'm not judging people who can't walk; I couldn't, for a long time. My neurosurgeon told me that I probablypHoweverwouldn't be able to walk again, in fact. I do, however, think that you're judging me. If I drove, and if I had a blue badge, if I got to the shop and the disabled spaces were taken, I might be able to park if there was an empty space right next to them, but otherwise I'd have to wait for one of them to free up, just like someone in a wheelchair. You have no idea what my disabilities are like, so please stop judging.
  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    Your post doesnt make sence.
    Its you thats judging everyone. Your judging if a disabled person has a right to park in a disabled space.
    If you have judged that disabled person doesnt need that space you dump yourself in it. Prevnting a disabled person from parking.
    You really need to stop judging other people. 
    Leave disabled parking bays for disabled people
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Misscleo said:
    Disabled bays are for disabled people ie: cant walk and need to be close to shop etc.
    If gou dont have problems walking keep out of disabled bays.
    There are only a few (2 in our local shop) the scurity guards move people out of tbese if they have NO PROBLEM WALKING.
    if every selfish person is going to dump themselves in DISABLED parking bays we are going to need many many more bays so DISABLED people WHO HAVE PROBLEMS WALKING CAN PARK THEIR CAR.
    If you dont have problems walking keep out of disabled parking bays SO DISABLED PEOPLE CAN PARK.

    Wow. Before you shoot your mouth off, perhaps you should actually read who qualifies for the blue badge. 

    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 949 Pioneering
    @Misscleo I *AM* disabled, and I do have a lot of trouble walking. Why is this a problem?
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Waylay said:
    @Misscleo I *AM* disabled, and I do have a lot of trouble walking. Why is this a problem?
    She's actually digging at those who can walk and use disabled bays. 
    Those with invisible problems who still qualify for the blue badge.
    It's not about whose problem is worse, it sadly always appears to be about what we can see.
    Our perception of disabled is a wheelchair.
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • stumpydavestumpydave Member Posts: 2 Listener
    My disability is deafness. I am also bi polar and suffer Menieres . This can affect balance. I find myself often apologising to people who turn their back as they speak to me. ‘ Oh sorry I’m deaf so could you look at me when you speak to me’ The reactions I get sometimes you would think I had asked them to commit murder! I used to have a Blue Badge. This was in case I had a bi polar episode and had to park up and compose myself. I gave it up in the end due to the judgemental idiots who think you have to be elderly, limbless or otherwise to have a Bluebadge. 
  • MisscleoMisscleo Member Posts: 646 Pioneering
    edited May 2018
    Post removed by moderator.
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    I have actually reported that post.

    I qualify for a blue badge. I have hidden issues and that type of comment coming from someone else with issues, is worse than someone who hasn't.
    Please read the criteria for a blue badge, please read the mobility section for pip.
    Do NOT assume you are the only person in the world who struggles.


    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
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  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Is it true that councils can grant travel cards without pip if you have a diagnosed condition?
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Copied from the motability website. 

    'In 2013 when the government began moving people from DLA to the new Personal Independence Payment (PIP). The assessment for the mobility component of PIP measures people on two criteria. One tests their ability in “moving around”, and the other measures their understanding of “planning and following a journey”. In order to get an award of the mobility component of PIP you need to score 8 points for the standard rate and 12 points for the enhanced rate. 

    To qualify for the Motability Scheme, you would need to be in receipt of PIP enhanced rate mobility. However, Blue Badge qualification is no longer purely on qualifying for the Enhanced Rate Mobility Component of PIP and is also different depending on where you live'

    It went on to say that some who did qualify on DLA do not now because of that.



    Personally I don't get the need to have a go at those who have a badge. From where I am sat, I could say just think yourself lucky you have a car!!! Some of us can't drive and won't ever be able to.


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  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    I started having cymotherapie a while back .at the beginning no one would of ever known .ive been shouted at on a bus before so very mean elderly people ,as I had too sit in the disabled area .really upset me at the time .its very hard with us that have invisible disabilities .ive been tutted at asking for help in shops etc people can be very mean minded.thank goodness for the kind ones 
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Is strange how you feel my response is rude, but their shouting and calling people idiots is fine.

    It is down to the individual council to accept or decline a badge.  I took that information directly from motability. 

    Have you applied for a badge?



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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Ignore my above post. The troll has been removed.
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  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    I live in Scotland. Currently I dont get any disability benefits and I cant travel by myself. I would love a bus pass!
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    I live in Scotland. Currently I dont get any disability benefits and I cant travel by myself. I would love a bus pass!
    Perhaps your gp can provide a letter stating you cannot drive. 
    That used to be accepted here. Not sure if that's the case for us now. 
    It might even be council discretion?


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  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    No idea, with my luck Computer Says No! 😂
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    That was the Little Britain sketch wasn't it.

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  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes
    Good to know 
    thanks 
    💜🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    Hi all I use a door to door service here in Nottingham .its run through the council .you only pay half a normal taxi fare .and they help you on ,seatbelt ,carry bags etc,theve been my saviour .they don't advertise it a lot ,check with your local council guys .lifesaver 
  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    Not just for appointments either .you can go shopping or a social activity if you like.just have too give them a bit of notice .there all lovely and helpful too .community transport 
  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    Easy link Nottingham door 2 door service .if you have a bus pass through disability your free too join 
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  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    I really hope they do have it .in your area fantastic service .but not very well advertised.i a lovely lady in a pain clinic told me about them 
  • littleruthie123littleruthie123 Member Posts: 490 Pioneering
    For those not on p.i.p also you can still apply
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  • whistleswhistles Member Posts: 1,590 Disability Gamechanger
    Will look up similar for my area.
    What a great idea if we have this.
    Do not follow me, I don't know where I am going.
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    @Misscleo I have removed your post, please be aware that you need to treat members with respect, whether or not you agree with their opinions.

    You can read through our community guidelines here.
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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