Update

cripps

hi everyone Neil here, wasn’t sure if i was ever going to post another note to you again but here i am, on Wednesday morning i tried to commit Suicide and ended up in intensive care. I got to a point where in my life  i really couldn’t see another way out, things really where difficult and ending my life was easy. When i was taking the overdose i wasn’t sad but happy i wouldn’t have to try and cope with life and my disability anymore. It was all planned so i locked the windows and doors and went for it. I don’t remember anything after that, all i do remember is waking up in hospital in intensive care with tubes and wires sticking out of me and nurses running around trying to talk to me. After 3 or 4 days of trying to get my feelings under control the mental health team came to visit me. With the long chat over they decided i was fit and  able to go home . One thing i did Agee to was to have regular appointments with there team to make sure i told them everything and i never got to a point where Suicide was the only option available. It’s only been a few days so I’ve got a long way to go but as I’m typing this post i know I’m going to need a lot of help to get through what ever is happening with myself and I’m going to need my friends even more. I’ll let you know how things are going from time to time and maybe let you into why i came to the decision to end my life so keep checking this wonderful forum because without it there would be a lot of unhappy disabled people around. Take care everyone it’s been a pleasure posting. NC 

Pippa_Alumni

Hi Neil (@cripps), thanks for sharing this with us and for the update. I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things have been, and I really hope this is the start of better days for you- you're in our thoughts.

You're a valuable member of our online community, but if you ever feel that you'd rather speak to somebody on the phone, you can contact our friendly helpline team at 0808 800 3333 (free) or find alternative methods of contact here. Speak soon, and hope today's as kind as possible to you!

cripps

Thank you and to have people like yourself to talk too makes me feel there is good and compassion after all.without this forum life would be a lot different.

bevt2017

Hi @cripps

I'm so sorry you have been going through a very difficult time.
I know the community will help you and support you. 
I've been there myself so I know how you must have felt.

If you ever need a friendly chat I'm here.
Bev x

wilko

Hi cripps, keep posting we are hear for you and each other you don't have to face your situation on your own. We may be miles apart but you and many others are in our thoughts and prayers.

cripps

Thanks I’m always up for chatting. Still fighting with my feelings of how I’ve ended up where i am. I’ve had a quick chat with my friend that found me and they have informed me that when the ambulance arrived i was actually dead , after several attempts they brought back so in one way i achieved what i set out to do.  It’s a strange feeling to have because I’m still not sure if i want to thank the ambulance crew or not time will tell. 

bevt2017

Hi @cripps

I think you have a very special friend, he cares for you a lot.

I was the same, feeling angry, upset, confused, frightened. Will things change or will the abuse still continue.
The doctor just threatened to lock me up if I did it again.

It's good that you are getting the help and support you need. 

Bev x

cripps

Hi Bev it’s lovely to hear from you, how do you feel about what the doctor said to you ? because when i was talking to the mental health team i got the same impression , this wasn’t my first time but it was the more potent. If i did try it again i would definitely make sure it was my last. How do you feel now, how’s life you getting the support you need so much? . 

joyclyn

one day at a time I know it's not easy but u have alot of people behind you  on this site keep on keeping on

cripps

To EVERYONE BIG HUGS ? all round . 

bevt2017

Hi @cripps

I was so frightened, I was only 16 at the time. No one asked me why i did it or offered me any support.
I've struggled with depression since I was 11, with 3 attempts.
I did have councilling and that did help.
Since i became disabled just 2 years ago, ive been put on 2 anti depressants. 
Being deaf can be a struggle to find the right help.
I've lost friends but i do have my husband who supports me and my children. 
I have made some lovely friends on here, who I talk to all the time. 
They give me advice, support and encourageent. 
Bev x

janethague

Hi cripps it make me mad that you had to do that just to get help my blood boils because that is when people start to listen to people that needs help but is sure glad that you did pull through you woukd have been in the next ward to were i work on is sure glad that the Nurses & doctors looked after you well x

cripps

Evening family hows your day been? It’s been a long day waiting around waiting for my health team to contact me ( and no they didn’t) I’m not going to sit around tomorrow, I’m going out early have my breakfast at Waitrose and do some shopping and when that’s done and only when that’s done i will contact the health team. I’ve had a long day to think and the concussions I’ve come too is that if i want to combat this depression of mine i need to go out and get things started. I just hope the mental health team are ready for me!!! 

Government_needs_reform

Neil aka @cripps Sorry to read this sad news and the suffering your going through I've been their to, lucky enough I have now a great support team in place I also wanted to be put on the DNAR register so if I ever tried again I woulden't be brought back to life. They won't put me on that register because of my mental state and say I'm not savvy enough to make that decision.

I really feel for you buddy because the whole process of going round and around just to survive is hard. One thing I have learnt since I did the same as yourself it made me more determined to fight these people and not let them add you as Just a statistic on a bit of paper.

Stay strong stay safe. Where all here for you and you know that. God bless.

cripps

You’re so kind and the positively that you produce makes me feel stronger than ever, I’ll keep pushing because this is my life and if i don’t make it work there’s only one option and that is one option i don’t want to go back too. Thank you for your support I’ll try not to let anyone down ( mainly myself). I thought living was hard but trying to stay alive is harder. 

bevt2017

Hi @cripps

Ive had a lovely day thank you.
Hope your ok.
Yes go out, don't sit in the house waiting.
Sounds like you have a lovely day planned out.
Enjoy your day.
Bev 

cripps

Thank you I’ll try and please enjoy your day as much as me. I know this sounds a little out there but sometimes I get the feeling someone’s looking after us, it’s a fuller feeling i get hoping that than relying on the health team. ?

susan48

Governments_A_Joke said:

Neil aka @cripps Sorry to read this sad news and the suffering your going through I've been their to, lucky enough I have now a great support team in place I also wanted to be put on the DNAR register so if I ever tried again I woulden't be brought back to life. They won't put me on that register because of my mental state and say I'm not savvy enough to make that decision.

I really feel for you buddy because the whole process of going round and around just to survive is hard. One thing I have learnt since I did the same as yourself it made me more determined to fight these people and not let them add you as Just a statistic on a bit of paper.

Stay strong stay safe. Where all here for you and you know that. God bless.

Sorry to change the subject but @Gov@Governments_A_Joke can you tell me where you asked about the DNR?
I have been thinking about doing this for a while and don’t know how to, have done a search online but still don’t know.
@cri@cripps, glad to gear your getting out and about now 

cripps

Hi folks, struggling badly at the moment, having very bad panic attack’s. shaking and i can’t get out of the flat. Need help!!!

susan48

@cripps, it’s only been a few days or so since your discharge from hospital. Maybe your trying to do too much, shopping etc to quickly.
Just a thought that maybe you need rest, your mind and body has been through a lot with the OD

cripps

Yes i can see that now, just need help because i can feel myself slipping.