PIP, DLA and AA
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Update

crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
edited June 2018 in PIP, DLA and AA
hi everyone Neil here, wasn’t sure if i was ever going to post another note to you again but here i am, on Wednesday morning i tried to commit Suicide and ended up in intensive care. I got to a point where in my life  i really couldn’t see another way out, things really where difficult and ending my life was easy. When i was taking the overdose i wasn’t sad but happy i wouldn’t have to try and cope with life and my disability anymore. It was all planned so i locked the windows and doors and went for it. I don’t remember anything after that, all i do remember is waking up in hospital in intensive care with tubes and wires sticking out of me and nurses running around trying to talk to me. After 3 or 4 days of trying to get my feelings under control the mental health team came to visit me. With the long chat over they decided i was fit and  able to go home . One thing i did Agee to was to have regular appointments with there team to make sure i told them everything and i never got to a point where Suicide was the only option available. It’s only been a few days so I’ve got a long way to go but as I’m typing this post i know I’m going to need a lot of help to get through what ever is happening with myself and I’m going to need my friends even more. I’ll let you know how things are going from time to time and maybe let you into why i came to the decision to end my life so keep checking this wonderful forum because without it there would be a lot of unhappy disabled people around. Take care everyone it’s been a pleasure posting. NC 

Replies

  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Neil (@cripps), thanks for sharing this with us and for the update. I'm so sorry to hear how difficult things have been, and I really hope this is the start of better days for you- you're in our thoughts.

    You're a valuable member of our online community, but if you ever feel that you'd rather speak to somebody on the phone, you can contact our friendly helpline team at 0808 800 3333 (free) or find alternative methods of contact here. Speak soon, and hope today's as kind as possible to you!
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Thank you and to have people like yourself to talk too makes me feel there is good and compassion after all.without this forum life would be a lot different.
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi @cripps

    I'm so sorry you have been going through a very difficult time.
    I know the community will help you and support you. 
    I've been there myself so I know how you must have felt.

    If you ever need a friendly chat I'm here.
    Bev x
  • wilkowilko Member Posts: 2,182 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi cripps, keep posting we are hear for you and each other you don't have to face your situation on your own. We may be miles apart but you and many others are in our thoughts and prayers.
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Thanks I’m always up for chatting. Still fighting with my feelings of how I’ve ended up where i am. I’ve had a quick chat with my friend that found me and they have informed me that when the ambulance arrived i was actually dead , after several attempts they brought back so in one way i achieved what i set out to do.  It’s a strange feeling to have because I’m still not sure if i want to thank the ambulance crew or not time will tell. 
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi @cripps

    I think you have a very special friend, he cares for you a lot.

    I was the same, feeling angry, upset, confused, frightened. Will things change or will the abuse still continue.
    The doctor just threatened to lock me up if I did it again.

    It's good that you are getting the help and support you need. 

    Bev x
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Hi Bev it’s lovely to hear from you, how do you feel about what the doctor said to you ? because when i was talking to the mental health team i got the same impression , this wasn’t my first time but it was the more potent. If i did try it again i would definitely make sure it was my last. How do you feel now, how’s life you getting the support you need so much? . 
  • joyclynjoyclyn Member Posts: 66 Courageous
    one day at a time I know it's not easy but u have alot of people behind you  on this site keep on keeping on
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    To EVERYONE BIG HUGS 🤗 all round . 
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi @cripps

    I was so frightened, I was only 16 at the time. No one asked me why i did it or offered me any support.
    I've struggled with depression since I was 11, with 3 attempts.
    I did have councilling and that did help.
    Since i became disabled just 2 years ago, ive been put on 2 anti depressants. 
    Being deaf can be a struggle to find the right help.
    I've lost friends but i do have my husband who supports me and my children. 
    I have made some lovely friends on here, who I talk to all the time. 
    They give me advice, support and encourageent. 
    Bev x
  • janethaguejanethague Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Hi cripps it make me mad that you had to do that just to get help my blood boils because that is when people start to listen to people that needs help but is sure glad that you did pull through you woukd have been in the next ward to were i work on is sure glad that the Nurses & doctors looked after you well x
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Evening family hows your day been? It’s been a long day waiting around waiting for my health team to contact me ( and no they didn’t) I’m not going to sit around tomorrow, I’m going out early have my breakfast at Waitrose and do some shopping and when that’s done and only when that’s done i will contact the health team. I’ve had a long day to think and the concussions I’ve come too is that if i want to combat this depression of mine i need to go out and get things started. I just hope the mental health team are ready for me!!! 
  • Government_needs_reformGovernment_needs_reform Member Posts: 851 Pioneering
    Neil aka @cripps Sorry to read this sad news and the suffering your going through I've been their to, lucky enough I have now a great support team in place I also wanted to be put on the DNAR register so if I ever tried again I woulden't be brought back to life. They won't put me on that register because of my mental state and say I'm not savvy enough to make that decision.

    I really feel for you buddy because the whole process of going round and around just to survive is hard. One thing I have learnt since I did the same as yourself it made me more determined to fight these people and not let them add you as Just a statistic on a bit of paper.

    Stay strong stay safe. Where all here for you and you know that. God bless.
    ⬇️
    I created one of the campaign election video for Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn,
    This is a new version of Emeli Sande, Hope "You Are Not Alone
    I highlighted everything that's wrong with this country from benefits, NHS etc, but now we have to put up with the hate now. 

    You can see the video here.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o8hRHh9IY


  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    You’re so kind and the positively that you produce makes me feel stronger than ever, I’ll keep pushing because this is my life and if i don’t make it work there’s only one option and that is one option i don’t want to go back too. Thank you for your support I’ll try not to let anyone down ( mainly myself). I thought living was hard but trying to stay alive is harder. 
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi @cripps

    Ive had a lovely day thank you.
    Hope your ok.
    Yes go out, don't sit in the house waiting.
    Sounds like you have a lovely day planned out.
    Enjoy your day.
    Bev 
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Thank you I’ll try and please enjoy your day as much as me. I know this sounds a little out there but sometimes I get the feeling someone’s looking after us, it’s a fuller feeling i get hoping that than relying on the health team. 👍
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Neil aka @cripps Sorry to read this sad news and the suffering your going through I've been their to, lucky enough I have now a great support team in place I also wanted to be put on the DNAR register so if I ever tried again I woulden't be brought back to life. They won't put me on that register because of my mental state and say I'm not savvy enough to make that decision.

    I really feel for you buddy because the whole process of going round and around just to survive is hard. One thing I have learnt since I did the same as yourself it made me more determined to fight these people and not let them add you as Just a statistic on a bit of paper.

    Stay strong stay safe. Where all here for you and you know that. God bless.
    Sorry to change the subject but @[email protected]_A_Joke can you tell me where you asked about the DNR?
    I have been thinking about doing this for a while and don’t know how to, have done a search online but still don’t know.
    @[email protected], glad to gear your getting out and about now 
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Hi folks, struggling badly at the moment, having very bad panic attack’s. shaking and i can’t get out of the flat. Need help!!!
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    @cripps, it’s only been a few days or so since your discharge from hospital. Maybe your trying to do too much, shopping etc to quickly.
    Just a thought that maybe you need rest, your mind and body has been through a lot with the OD
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Yes i can see that now, just need help because i can feel myself slipping. 
  • susan48susan48 Member Posts: 2,229 Disability Gamechanger
    Call the crisis team or whatever contact details you got on discharge from hospital 
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    I’ve been trying all day to get through to my mental health team but with no luck. Going to try someone else to see if they can help. Need help soon.
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi  @cripps

    So sorry your having a bad day.
    Have you got through to the mental health team?
    Can your doctor not help push it through quicker for you?
    They phoned my husband the same day, I went to see mine.
    I wish i knew what to say
    If your struggling you can also contact the Samaritans?
    Bev
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Thank you, I’m going to give it till 5 o’clock and if nobody has contacted me then I’m going to ring my GP. It’s a horrible feeling being alone with no where to turn, I’ve never felt so low. Thanks for being around, much appreciated. 
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Well my mental health team have phone me and have put things in place for the near future but what I’m worried about is how long it’s going to take, i placed my concern about how i feel now but all they said was to contact my GP which i have and I’m just waiting for a phone call, lets hope i can get something in  place soon.  I’m worried about tonight. 
  • lolabootslolaboots Member Posts: 32 Connected
    edited June 2018
    Hi @cripps,
    I understand,i attempted suicide just a couple of weeks ago after many years of on/off suicidal thoughts.
    It is hard to get help sometimes for any mental illness such as depression as the vast majority of professional people you turn to initially for help simply don't/won't understand or learn.
    2 days after my attempt,my GP tried to prescribe the same anti depressant i had taken 3  years ago,i had never felr so low in my life at that point and it was the cause of me changing gp surgeries-all in my notes but my gp didn't look before printing out the script obviously.

    On the plus side,it's nice to see so many positive,encouraging comments rather than snipey,sarcastic replies you can get when a certain type of person thinks before they type,there is no need or tolerance foir that on a site like this,surely.

    I hope you'll be ok <3<3
  • Government_needs_reformGovernment_needs_reform Member Posts: 851 Pioneering
    edited June 2018
    susan48 said:
    Neil aka @cripps Sorry to read this sad news and the suffering your going through I've been their to, lucky enough I have now a great support team in place I also wanted to be put on the DNAR register so if I ever tried again I woulden't be brought back to life. They won't put me on that register because of my mental state and say I'm not savvy enough to make that decision.

    I really feel for you buddy because the whole process of going round and around just to survive is hard. One thing I have learnt since I did the same as yourself it made me more determined to fight these people and not let them add you as Just a statistic on a bit of paper.

    Stay strong stay safe. Where all here for you and you know that. God bless.
    Sorry to change the subject but @[email protected]_A_Joke can you tell me where you asked about the DNR?
    I have been thinking about doing this for a while and don’t know how to, have done a search online but still don’t know.
    @[email protected], glad to gear your getting out and about now 
    @susan48 You need to ask your Doctor to be put on the  Do Not resuscitate register, but I doubt very much they will do it for you as mine woulden't as I'm not mentally capable to make that decision and have that choice. So I was point blank refused.

    @cripps Now you have now got a team in place hopefully it won't take to long to see them they will help you I've now been with mine for over 4 years and help me sort lots of things out Benefits being one. You will still get days why bother but one you can trust them you will be glad you did.

    Also don't let this beat you, your worth more than that Neil and being alone is very hard. I thought I would never be in the situation of being alone but how wrong I was it's one of the most hardest things to cope with, I don't trust people FTF that's why I won't got to Benefit assessments my team deal with them for me so far so good. Take care buddy and that goes for anyone else in this situation.
    ⬇️
    I created one of the campaign election video for Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn,
    This is a new version of Emeli Sande, Hope "You Are Not Alone
    I highlighted everything that's wrong with this country from benefits, NHS etc, but now we have to put up with the hate now. 

    You can see the video here.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o8hRHh9IY


  • sunnydays1sunnydays1 Member Posts: 7 Listener
    Big cuddles to anyone struggling with depression I am new to group so hoping to have some lovely chats with you all :-)
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Morning everyone hope you’re ok 👌? Just off to pick my prescription up from the GP hope this works this time. Have a good day and stick with it folks let’s show them we can beat it. 
  • lolabootslolaboots Member Posts: 32 Connected
    cripps said:
    Morning everyone hope you’re ok 👌?
    Morning!I'm going to be rushing around later,making sure i have evrything i need for my UC interview this afternoon.Blue arsed fly won't come into it :D:)
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Very good hope everything goes ok for you, try and find 5 mins to recharge before starting off  again. Have a good one. 
  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Good Morning @cripps

    Hope you've had a good night?

    I'm so relieved you are now getting help, from the mental health team. 
    And your doctor is now supporting you too. You sound positive this morning, which is really good to hear.
    Have a lovely day
    Bev x
  • WaylayWaylay Member Posts: 916 Pioneering
    I'm so sorry to hear you were in that much pain, @cripps. I've been there too. It does get better....

  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Cheers folks you’re so kind, with positive tweets to myself and everyone else it makes life that little bit better. I’m feeling a little better today only had two panic attack’s this morning which is a lot better than yesterday. Thank you for all your support hopefully one day i can do the same for you . NC
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Good morning everyone, well my mental health team haven’t been in touch and it’s been a while now, could do with someone giving me a call. Struggling and having panic attack’s but what can i do I’ve tried everything to get help. , what a shame, mental health who are they and where are they? NC 
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
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  • lolabootslolaboots Member Posts: 32 Connected
    Thanks @victoriad,i hate having my picture taken but i don't mind this one,i'm looking thin at least  :#:#.And i wonder why people think i'm mentaL
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Love it, sums us all up, WERE’R ALL SO CRAZY 😜!!!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    That was so cool, haven’t laughed for a good while😀 do you think my room will look like that when i get taken in? I don’t fancy using the wallpaper for toilet paper especially if it’s wood chip 😩, 
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Better take some plasters and savlon with me just in case.😜😲
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,756 Listener
    The user and all related content has been deleted.
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Dettol or not peeling the paper off the walls in time for movement could be the hardest part , should be close. 😯 may take an extra sock for emergencies 😬
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