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Dealing with people who are unaccepting of mobility aids

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PurpleDaisy
PurpleDaisy Community member Posts: 2 Listener
edited July 2018 in Cerebral palsy
I have cp and use a rollator. I'm increasingly finding things more difficult even though I'm only in my early thirties. I really want a mobility scooter. The kind that folds and and be transported easily. My dad is furious I want one and shouts at me for talking about it. I find it very difficult to go out and have become very isolated. I just want to be able to move around better. I have no idea why he is so against them. I think he thinks I'm lazy or something or he is ashamed. My mum is somewhat supportive but wont openly disagree with my dad. I really think he will stop talking to me if I get one. How do I handle this situation? 


Comments

  • MonkeyFace
    MonkeyFace Community member Posts: 8 Listener
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    I am very sorry to read your post. It must be very difficult situation for you. It seems like there is a big lack of communication from both sides. Things like this are majorly important to discuss. As for your dad...knowing nothing of him...but knowing that you use a rollator, which he accepts, and want a scooter...he might feel fear and, deep down, be disappointed that you need something more assistive. Some men, especially if they are macho/stubborn (because your mother is afraid to approach him) have a hard time to accept a weakening of any type. He needs to understand that it isn't because you are getting lazy...but because people change and many times that change is difficult. That having been said...he needs to get over himself...and stop thinking about himself more than you.     

    Now all this having been said...are you keeping up with your physio?!

    Hope to read a happy resolution to this post!
    Thoughts are with you!
    Marc
  • wilko
    wilko Community member Posts: 2,458 Disability Gamechanger
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    It's difficult for some parents to accept and come to terms over their child's disability and as the child grows into an adult the guilt, which they shouldn't have comes to a head. All the previous years they may not have been able to talk with their partners about the health issues you are facing and are likely to incure in the future. Now you are of an age and need more assistance with your mobility to be more independent and mobile the reililation of this has hit dad and he is at a loss on how to,handle and cope with the situation. Hopefully you can all have a talk about your needs. Many parents become closer and stronger with a disabled child while others become with drawn with a guilt feeling, why me, us how are we going to manage  ect, keep posting and let the community know how you get on.
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,634 Scope online community team
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    Hi @PurpleDaisy
    What a very difficult situation. I do agree with @MonkeyFace that some parents, particularly fathers can have difficulty in facing up to their child's impairment. This can be especially acute when the child is now facing a reduction in mobility. It is very important that you try to keep the channels of communication open and honest and remember this is your dad's issue, not yours!
    Please stay in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

    Scope
    Cerebral Palsy Programme Lead

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  • feir
    feir Community member Posts: 397 Pioneering
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    This is abuse and he needs to get help to sort out his own issues so that he does not project them onto you. You can't and don't need to sort out your dad, he needs to do that himself. It's nice that your mother supports you but also sad that she is compliant in abusing you.

    Nobody should make you feel guilty about needing help because you are disabled. Get yourself a scooter if you want to.
  • Jean_OT
    Jean_OT Community member Posts: 513 Pioneering
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    Hi @PurpleDaisy

    Your post has left me feeling concerned for your well-being. It is concerning that your father thinks that you expressing a view about your own mobility needs entitles him to vent his fury at you. You saying that your Mum seems unable to openly disagree with your father increases  my concern. This sounds like an unhealthy environment and potentially abusive.  Especially when you also indicate that you are isolated so perhaps don't have ready access to other people who can support you and offer a more balanced opinion. 

    You are in your 30's, so as an adult you should be able to make decisions like this yourself without having to be fearful of the reactions of others.

    I understand that parents can have strong reactions to things that their adult children do but they also have a responsibility to deal with their own issues and not act out in an abusive way,

    Are you living with your parents? Do you have a trusted professional (such as a GP or social worker) that you can talk to about your experiences with your father?

    Best Wishes
    Jean 

    Jean Merrilees BSc MRCOT

    You can read more of my posts at: https://community.scope.org.uk/categories/ask-an-occupational-therapist

  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Community member Posts: 419 Pioneering
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    Hello @PurpleDaisy ,

    How much of your current and future welfare are you prepared to sacrifice to appease your father?

    So don't discuss it with him any more. Do you have a friend or relative who would store it for you? If you have your own transport perhaps you could just leave it in there?
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