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Being ignored

frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
in Dating and relationships
Hi everyone, having been posting on here for a bit but now I have a question for everyone. I recently joined POF to see if I can maybe find someone who would look past my cerebral palsy, and I have been talking to this girl. Unfortunately it didn't turn out because if it went further she would be breaching her work contract (she coaches for a sporting organisation I represent at international level - didn't know this until yesterday) - typical isn't it?

Anyway I has been messaging others, they are reading it but not replying. I try to ask a question like favourite movie, city etc to get convo started but it fall on deaf ears. I get no reply and some have even just immediately deleted after looking at profile. It appears that they see I've got a disability, and even though they have 'I'm open minded', 'will give anyone a shot', they seem to to freaking out.

Basically just wondered if anyone else have experienced this and if so, how did you get people to look at the person on inside rather than the outside casing?  It's frustrating that todays world is all about image and perception when all you want is a chance and for someone to see the person.

Thanks all
Fraser
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Replies

  • james4james4 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    I know how you feel i am on there and have the same response they want to be seen as not being shallow and give feeble excuses i have no advise though except try and try again and don't let it get you down i also went on disabled dating and got nowhere with my ex announcing we were over and my body getting worse year on year it makes you wonder if you will ever find someone anyone.! 
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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Exactly. Tried a disabled site years ago but got done. Gorgeous photograph and turned out to be a guy from Nigeria. Found that out after being stung (stupidly) for money
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  • james4james4 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    same but women did not fall for it but had it tried 6 times on me they deal in imports diamonds or antiques, get robbed or get in accident and need help and hate to ask but darling etc a real downer when you seem to be getting closer and someone might like you
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  • BannyBanny Member Posts: 18 Connected
    Hi. I tried POF a few years ago after being encouraged to by my friends. Although I didn't mention my disability on my profile I did mention it straightaway when i was messaged. I did meet a couple of people but it didn't work out... comments like "i thought you were joking" about my mobility and what i think was probably the best bad remark at the end of a date "i think you should date your own kind" 

    It's not easy finding someone in any walk of life but sometimes I think that people definitely need to start seeing past the exterior and see the person within.... cos they are missing out.
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  • james4james4 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    well said their loss i mentioned it in first message as if i don't get a reply i just ignore but if i start a discussion and then they stop when i say it it hurts more just my way of copping 
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  • BannyBanny Member Posts: 18 Connected
    I think i have had a similar experience to you. My ex told me it was over and blamed my disability - we had been together over 18 years and i had been disabled for 15 of those years... turned out it wasn't due to me .. they were seeing someone else. You are right it does hurt more when you open up and are honest with them only to find that they don't really know about your condition but decide ignoring you is the better option than asking for more information (they probably think that this will offend us) 
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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    It's just hard to be accepted.
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  • BannyBanny Member Posts: 18 Connected
    It is hard to be accepted - especially when most people have an idea of their "perfect" partner.. society needs to realise that no one is perfect even the most able bodied person has a flaw. 
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    Able bodied men generally have a hard time online as well, so it's not always down to disability why someone gets ignored, i think it probably is another disadvantage though.

    If you think about how dating sites have grown over the years; you must have pics to show what you look like, but also show off you whole personality in a short profile statement, then there's the swipe effect that basically says give a quick glance to the person and see if there's any interest or swipe you don't like them and move onto someone else,, or send a wink because you can't be bothered to message as you don't really know how to socialise with people or it's easy to use this to reach out to loads of people (making them all disposable) then it does all point to shallow and an unfulfilling experenece for anyone looking for something substantial.


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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Yeah I appreciate that people do that and world is moving so fast that its people reaction now. 'Normal' (loosely used) guys also have that problem, appreciate that but it is a disadvantage having the additional disabiled tag on you.

    I wished now back in 2005 I took a gamble in America when competing for Scotland and went for a walk with a girl on same team who asked what I was doing. Stupidly went 'I'm going to check my emails' instead of 'do you fancy going for a walk' and took her hand.  Idiot or what!!

    Just chances we all need.
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    Yeah. If only Keanu Reeves would give me a chance lol.

    Maybe try and get back in touch with her? Even if it's just to see how she is doing. Should be easy enough to find her what with everyone being on the internet.
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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Done and she is with someone. Maybe I'll bump into Jennifer Lawrence or some other highly attractive actress whilst I'm in LA in October lol
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  • feirfeir Member Posts: 396 Pioneering
    Aw that's a shame. Well if she is with Keanu when you do bump into her give me a shout, thanks. :D
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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Ha yeah I woo her and you can get Keanu - fair swap!!
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  • BannyBanny Member Posts: 18 Connected
    Unfortunately, life is so fast paced that people don't seem to have time to spend building friendships or relationships ... they make a split second decision as they see your photo and read the short bio we put on dating sites... I once saw a youtube video that summed up the world we live in these days as we all look down at phones, laptops and tablets ... we don't see the world or people around us. 
    Thanks for taking the time to respond.
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  • frasermathiesonfrasermathieson Member Posts: 18 Courageous
    Well obviously if the first guy never got back in touch he wasn't the right one for you.
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