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Self harm

crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
hi 👋 everyone hope you guys are having a great Saturday night. I just need some help and advice on how to stop with my self harm, I’ve been self harming for a round 40 years and my arms and legs are in a right mess. I’ve tried to stop several times but the anxiety and hurt inside me is too strong, the hurt from my abuse in early years won’t stop running my life and when life gets too much it’s the only thing i can see. I had councillors from the early years but nothing has worked so it looks like the anxiety and mental illness is here to stay. I’d like to stop so any advice would be good. Thank you. NC

Replies

  • RipplesRipples Member Posts: 189 Pioneering
    @cripps do you have a support worker or CPN? You will know because of the time span we are talking about here that the routes you have taken to work with this are the normal routes. By that  I mean your GP and referrals. I don't know about as well as counselling  if you have discussed other ways to counteract the need to self harm? It definitely isn't something that can be addressed easily, CBT  may help' knowing the triggers and how to avoid them is also something to work on.
    As always I would suggest going back to your GP in the first instance. I'm sorry I can't be of more help.
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    It’s ok thanks, I’ve tried my doctors but nobody seems too bothered . I don’t have a support worker or con so it’s down to me so thanks again. NC
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @cripps Been a while since I last replied to you.

    Sorry what you are going through.

    Understanding the reasons why we all do these things is one of the reasons to stop. I myself my ongoing problem was alcoholism. Thirty years plus. So how did I stop. Now being clean. I knew in my heart need to change.

    First is to stop blaming myself. I had physical mental abuse from my mother. Hence the self harming of my tortured soul . Taking booze, drugs, fast food, junk food anything to forget.

    Understand your self it is pain and depression plus anxiety.  I have this every day. Try to be strong. Try to think of why and how can I be some one to cope with all I have been through.

    I hated myself being disabled, I hate my family I hate how my family ruined my life.  For every time tried to move on got this hate and anger.

    So what do I need to do.  Find the answer solve all the pain, misery, words like depression, heartbreak.

    Spent wasted time to therapy , talking endless to councillors and loads of CBT.  Talking to talking to anybody who would listen.

    I have seen your name all over this forum and I know that is what you are doing right now. Wanting to share and talk to any body who wishes to listen. That is good but when is the talking going to stop and the need to consider why am I doing this.

    Having the answers is the solution.  If I asked now if you do not mind. What would you do?. If I came to you with all the things you described.

    Having a support worker or mental health worker is fantastic but remember it is a contract between you and them.

    They cannot help or solve or cure you. You have to help yourself.  Be agreeable. Be aware of what you need.  All my discussions with my support workers are I want to help my self but need your support to do this.

    Also remember it is a job if you continually say no to any plans or support they offer. On to the next client. Trust me I learnt that one on day one of meeting my support worker. Any of them.

    By the way I get the feisty hard no emotional support worker.  Nearing retirement. Meets me all I say is sort of gentleman. Needs a kick in the lemons to get sorted. I am agreement in anything you suggest. Get your stilettos on this is going to be a bumpy ride.

    Her face cracked into a smile. Then after another one I met . Me and her one end of a sofa not talking for ten minutes. Right I have to go she said. Why you need to just help your self.  Have not got the time.  All my support workers best friends.

    So I have.  Remember my friend it is tough love.  Always hate my family of course I will. Yet now acceptance of disability.  Found my place on here.

    Love life yes I have days of depression, anxiety who does not but I have the tools from support workers to cope and have my faith that helps.

    Love my community on here and all I can say please read what I have said. You are not alone but you can do this. You have to engage in trying to move and consider the question. What would you tell some one like yourself in similar circumstances.

    Understand told by others who were well meaning and now look what happens am alive and helping all you lovely people.  Also no one wants to see you hurt yourself I am certainly sure you do not either. I have time for every body on here. So am here if you need to want me to listen. All I can offer is my time and support. Yet you are the one that needs to be answered and find some solace.

    One final thing if you have poison in your mind it goes around and around and causes anxiety, stress.  Then guess what, effects your mental state.

    I have bad days of course I do but it is recognising why. Remember you can do this. By way if you wish not to consider anything I have suggested. That is up to you but I know in my mind and heart. What will happen you will.  Because I have been there and know that you do need to try and do something.

    Also the talking can continue much as you want to then one day no one will be listening. Understand I had that. Why am lonely and find it hard to integrate. 

    Only friends I have on the forum.  Also my friend Andrew up the road. 

    Please take care my friend.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Well my friend what can i say, the post you have just sent hits all the right buttons, I’m going to move it and keep it so i can read it a few more times. It’s going to take a couple of reads just to digest what you have said put for now thank you you have got me thinking about myself and others that may help . I will post a reply later when I’m feeling a little better because at the moment I’m  feeling very ill. Great post and it’s a great read . NC
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @cripps Thank you for taking the time to read the post I have sent you.  That is a first start. Second small steps. Took me a long time to deal with everything and adjust, adapt .

    Please take your time and I would always say am here and will be as I am part of this forum. Part of my life is here. To give you the community the support , love and warmth that you need.

    Other thing is to try do what you can each day. Understand there will be set backs, troubles and problems but you can struggle and strive to cope.  Find what helps you.  Use a diary if you wish to .

    Remember you are in control and if you need some self esteem boost uplift am here all the time. If I am missing for a few days just not too good mentally.

    Yet I will be able to come back and support you much as I can.

    The other final point may I add I know all about support workers and mental health workers. As I said. The situation is this you know this yourself.

    All these people in the profession are under paid, over burdened and stressed to high extremes of cases and work loads.

    Imagine you are in their shoes. Walk a mile. First thing many start very early morning till late at night. Some like ones I had are sending me responses to my Emails after nine at night.  Imagine then you are that person.

    You are I know an intelligent smart person   How would you feel meeting some one . Not responsive to ideas and suggestions. To benefit that person you are dealing with.

    You are stressed , lack of sleep, tired from the work loads are you going to say . I have no time to sit and wait while that person you have. On your case loads decides to say do not want to do that.

    In your eyes as a support worker.  Go on are you not to the next one.   

    Understand when my support offers me solutions, problems who knows where I am going on my journey. 

    A favourite saying of mine is the path blocked with obstacles in the way. Do I go around or over.   The choice is yours.

    Always in prayers and thoughts.

    @thespiceman


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • crippscripps Member Posts: 411 Pioneering
    Thanks for your post, my support worker and mental health team have left me too a councillor which in one way is good because hopefully they will get down to the main problem but in another way when things go bad and it will i have no one to contact to get me through the bad times. Many a day i sit at home thinking about the past and how it’s destroyed my life and turned me into what i am today and if I’m not thinking about the past I’m thinking  about the rubbish future and what its about to hold. It’s really scary being on your own because you don’t trust yourself to stay safe because all you want to do is call it a day so in many ways that’s why i self harm the pain is my life it’s part of me and it stops me going any farther. I want to stop self harming but i need a friend to take it’s place and something to rely on in the time of need. NC
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @cripps Thanks for saying this but this what I used to do. Sit and what I call fester. About the past. I still do some days but there again maybe you need to say how can I deal with this.

    Understand am lonely, isolated have no support I know I am the same and many times thought why me lord.

    Remember you are not alone the community is here I am here. You have to identify how can I make a fresh start. How can I deal with these emotions and feelings.

    Understand in my own history that person who hurt me. Can not do it any more.

    Sorry as we have discussed your support has left you. I need to find some way of getting it back. You can do this. Many times I had support , then if negative or being pessimistic I can find the courage to do this.

    Get a sheet of paper and decide what you want. What do you want from life. Small steps. Nothing huge. The big issues with support they are not there to run your life for you. Hold your hand. Last support worker told me that. There are in a job to encourage you to deal with you situation and cope .

    Will be able to help and support if you have a idea of what you need. Be the negative go on to the next one. Sorry but that is harsh but it is true. One ounce of needing help and getting better is you.  Have been there as I said so many times. Now on my own but need to try and cope.

    As many members of our community are.  One thing I forgot to mention. Lots of therapy is good and can help but if it is becoming a constant record to the same therapist.  Also to any mental health support first question always addressed what can we do for you . Make a plan with you. How to move forward. Reject that or do not consider options. Sorry let you go.

    Add one other little thing some mental health charities will not have clientele discuss their past in front of other clientele. I got told off constantly.  Understand I thought talk about me to others thought were same. Especially my addiction. Walking on eggshells a lot of the time.

    Having my addiction the healing, the pain. The heartbreak of having no support. Sometimes I will for a few years then it is up to me.  So what do I do. Sometimes we all of us need to evaluate this life we have.

    You say need to replace the self harming with something else.  You are replacing the self harming being on here. That is a first step. Find some ways to look at the forum for positivity.

    Another thing is I crave alcohol all the time. How do I stop myself.? Going down to the shop getting a bottle. Understand I have this every day constantly.

    Lot of it is finding ways to cope. Always have a strategy or plan. Use meditation and use stress relief ways to cope.  I have done this a long time and been clean eleven years and still crave of course I do.  This all helps thought to relieve the craving.

    Do other things like word games, puzzles, Classic FM.  Gardening.   Find a diary write down your bad days start that all helps then you can identify the ways to cope.

    Understand I think you can do this. I hope you know am disabled and had and did have the same feelings and thoughts of the future. We all do. I miss lots of things from my past but it is hurting me.

    So I need now to treasure the good times not the bad. Have one final thing to say . Make a memory box those favourite things you like. Put it in..

    Please speak to me anytime you want to. Please can I ask use my user name because then it will come to me.

    I will find you anytime you want to my friend. You can do this I forgot hope you have read this. Again apologise long post but am here to guide you and help if can.

    Take care

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
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