Hi, my name is Osultrus!

Osultrus

Im Looking To Talk To People Who ‘Understand’, What It’s LikeTo ‘Exist’ Everyday, With Both Physical And Mental Diabilities / Problems Etc ...
Ive Suffered From Mental Health Problems Since, I Was Six Years Old (Major ‘Back’ Story, As To ‘Why’), Which Have Increased ‘One Hundred Fold’, Since Then (Now Fifty Four) ...
For Well Over Thirty Years, Ive Suffered From Physical Disabilities- Initially Acute Fibromyalgia, CFS And ME. Early In 2017, After Many Of My ‘Symptoms’ Changed / Intensified, Plus Due To ‘Intuitively’, Listening To My ‘Body’, I Became ‘Excessively’ And Extremely ‘Scared’, Something More ‘Sinister’, Was ‘Rampaging’ It’s Way, Throughout Me ...
I Was Diagnosed With ‘MS’, Which Truly ‘Threw-Me’ So, I Buried My Head In The Sand And My ‘Demons’ Portrayed, Even More So Than Usual, A Very ‘Dark-Bleak-Abyss’, That I’ve Been In, Ever Since ...
Every Second Of, Every Minute Of, Every Hour Of, Every Day / Night, I Suffer From ‘Suicidal’ Ideations (Acted Upon Before & After ‘MS’ Diagnosis) And I Just ‘Exist’ To ‘Survive’, But Know ‘Not Why’ ? ...
I Have Nobody To Talk Too, That ‘Gets’ Even A ‘Fraction’, Of ‘What’ Im ‘Feeling’ Or, ‘How’ Im ‘Trying’ To ‘Cope’ Or, ‘Why’ I No Longer ‘Want’ To ‘Fight’, A ‘Fight’ That I Definately ‘Lost’, So, So ‘Many’ Years Ago ...
Im An Extremely ‘Complex’ Person, Who Has ‘Major’ Issues With ‘Trust’ (Stemming Right Back, To The ‘Six-Year-Old’ Child - Horrific ‘Trauma’ And Ultimate ‘Betrayal’ ... Just A Mere ‘Fraction’, Of Just One Of Very Many, ‘Major-Complexities’, Within My Lifetime) ...
Im An ‘Empty-Shell’, Left With ‘Only’, A ‘Flint’, Without A ‘Spark’, To ‘Ignite’ It (The ‘IT’ Being ‘ME’) Anymore ...
I’d Like To Talk, Perhaps To ‘Somebody’ Out There, That Just ‘Gets-Me’ Or, Even Can ‘Understand’ A ‘Glimpse’, Of What / Where I Am At ?? ...
I Will Leave This Brief ‘Synopsis’, Of My ‘Existence’ Here For Now ...
If ‘Anybody’ Has Any ‘Questions’ Or, Would Like To Talk, Get To ‘Know’ The ‘Real-Me’, As I Would ‘Them’, Then Please, I Really Want To ‘Reach-Out-My-Hand’ And ‘Take-A-Chance’, To See, If This Will Work, Which I Sincerely ‘Hope-Upon-Hope’, That It Will, As ‘Otherwise’, Well ...
Osultrus

Ami2301

Hi @Osultrus
Welcome to the community! Sorry to hear how you're feeling and for what you have been through. We don't judge, disabilities and illnesses do not define a person

If you are having thoughts of self harm or suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at jo@samaritans.org

I would love to get to know you, and I'm sure other members of the community will too! We are here to support you anyway we can

Sam_Alumni

Welcome to the community @Osultrus