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Spouse divorcing me and has put our home up for sale!

murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
Hi Everyone
After 30 year's together my wife has decided it's over. My wife has applied for a divorce.
I accept this as I don't want to have someone who doesn't want to be around!
My concerns are  I recently went to Crisis Team at hospital feeling suicidal, due to my disabilities.
It was after this my wife decided she could not support me , emotionally etc. Which is ok, I get this.
 I am registered disabled for Physical, Learning and mental health Disabilities. 
Since finding out that she has applied for a divorce, I am pannaking that she has the interest of the house sale more of a priority than my Disabilities.
I have requested that I will not be forced out of my home until I have found somewhere else to live.
She initally said " I don't want to lose the sale if a couple make an offer for our house and we will cross that bridge when we get there" That sent me into pannic mode.
I don't know if I can get help due to the circumstances, I am currently in.
I think I just need advice.
I do know one thing which is my wife has already made her intentions very clear.
To say that this has not helped my current thoughts of self harm any easier, I am a fighter and will persevere with whatever is thrown at me. 
Please let me know if you have any advice you can give me, it would be greatly appreciated.
Kind regards John

Replies

  • Firefly123Firefly123 Member Posts: 522 Pioneering
    Hi John I can't offer any advice on this matter but wanted to say please get in touch with the crisis team if all becomes to much. I'm sure others will be along who can help 
  • DavidJDavidJ Member Posts: 51 Pioneering
    Hi  John ,
    Its very sad reading but having been there myself years ago I can empathise with your situation .
    Please don’t wait for your wife to make the next move .
    You need legal advice to establish what your rights are given your situation .
    Is the house in both names? They will ask you things like that .
    As Firefly123 said get in touch with the crisis team if you need to . Please don’t suffer in silence my friend .
    All the very best and I hope someone can point you in the right direction 
    David 
  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Thank you both, really appreciated, Johnny
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @murphy10, and a warm welcome to the community.

    I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. It's good to hear that you're being proactive in trying to find a solution.

    Given the circumstances, I believe it would be best to speak to your local Citizens Advice, who may be able to offer more in-depth guidance about your rights and any help that may be available. Please do keep us updated and let us know how you get on.
  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Hi Pippa Thank you
  • YadnadYadnad Member - under moderation Posts: 2,862 Disability Gamechanger
    DavidJ said:

    Is the house in both names? They will ask you things like that .
     
    I only hope my wife doesn't want to divorce me - the house is only in her name and was paid for originally by a gift I made to her when we were married late in life.
  • MarkmywordsMarkmywords Member Posts: 419 Pioneering
    In a marriage, everything is jointly owned. It's the "with all my worldly goods I thee endow" bit.
    A person could sell something that was just in their name but they would be forced by law to give half the money to the ex.
    A settlement is separate to the divorce but should be done at the same time. In a dispute, each party must divulge all their finances to the court.
  • ellie_maeellie_mae Member Posts: 23 Connected
    I was in this kind of position 11 years ago, my ex husband had personality issues and had every mental health professional running around after him. He lied to them constantly, played games with them and did not take medication prescribed to help him, preferring to self medicate with heavy cannabis use instead. He was also physically and emotionally abusive. Please don't think I am suggesting you are any of these as I'm wouldn't do that to anyone but am explaining my background experiences.
    I fled my home with nothing and found a solicitor. Within 4 weeks he was legally entitled to change the locks and refuse me entrance to the house.
    Within 11 months I had secured a degree nisi BUT it took a further 2 years before the house could be sold as he had reprentation from Citizen Advice and he requested  Financial Mediation which I had to comply with as it was his legal right and once this was finally agreed it was another 4 months before I could finally sell the house as he would not sign the release form and it took a further court hearing to make him.
    So don't panic, either find yourself a decent solicitor if you are in a financial situation to do so or contact CAB, Your wife may just have a nasty shock coming as she cannot move out and sell the house under you, if she tries she can be legally stopped, plus you can ask for financial mediation, the service is free and you do not need  dependent children to access it,. Our kids we r all married with families.
    Please get some legal advise ASAP as this kind of stress isn't good for you. I know it is hard but knowing your right in this situation will take the biggest worry off your shoulders. The law has been updated in recent years and my situation was under the new regulations.
    Good Luck Anand keep safe
  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Thanks so much for taking your time explaining the process.

    Appreciated, J
  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener

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    Suicuidal due to disabilities and wife divorcing me and put home up for sale. update


    Hi 
    After 30 year's together my wife has decided it's over. My wife has applied for a divorce. 
    I accept this as I don't want to have someone who doesn't want to be around! 
    My concerns are  I recently went to Crisis Team at hospital feeling suicidal, due to my disabilities. ill health retirement afterv32 years myself supporting vulnerable people throughout my career, last 15 years a Local Gov Homeless hostel for single homeless men and , young persons hostels across Manchester.
    I had an accident in work June 2017, i am unfit for work due to fall and disabilities and have been dismissed on the grounds of ill health. employer refusing to release my pension even after numerous occupational health reports, GP reports etc. My Union will challenge this.

    It was after attending crisis team feeling suicudal, my wife decides she can not support me, I am shocked and saddened when I need my wife, frieind of 30 years to abandone me and start divorce proceedings.
    My wife decided to put our home on the market and due to my mental state I also signed and agreed to this, yet I am mentaly ill and suicudal, I didnt even realise what I was doing looking back
     I am registered disabled for Physical, Learning and mental health Disabilities, with DWP.

    Since finding out that she has applied for a divorce, I am pannaking that she has the interest of the house sale more of a priority than my Disabilities.
    I have requested that I will not be forced out of my home until I have found somewhere else to live. 
    She initally said " I don't want to lose the sale if a couple make an offer for our house and we will cross that bridge when we get there" That sent me into pannic mode.
    I do know one thing which is my wife has already made her intentions very clear.
    To say that this has not helped my current thoughts of self harm any easier, i went to see my brilliant GP who noticed I had lost weight, I have lost 28 pounds, 2 stone due to current situation. sleeping for 24 hours straight, not eating.
    Every day I wake up and think I was in a nightmare only to find that i actually am! 

    " I asked my wife to please stop whistling and being jolly as if you have won the lottery when she is around me, she stated it was her coping mechanisem. Having lived together for 30 years to me , she is just being cruel when i am feeling suicudal and extremely depressed.

    we have no dependent children. 

    I posted on the forum and have lots of replies, especially this one below. my wife admits she is controlling, but wont address this, i am addressing my issues, I just dont know who to turn to and am very desperate. 
    I donot want to end up another suicuide statistic, due to my disabilities and situation I am currently in.
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @murphy10, good to hear from you and thank you for sharing this again. I'm so sorry to hear that things are tough.

    You are a member of our community and we appreciate you. If you are having thoughts of suicide, it is important that you discuss them with someone who is qualified to help. Please call the Samaritans on 116 123 (free) or email them at [email protected]. You might also benefit from reading MIND’s information on how you can help yourself.

    If you feel that you may be an immediate danger to yourself, please call 999 or go to your local hospital right away.

    Did you manage to speak to Citizens Advice like you were considering before? Alternatively, you could contact the Scope helpline team at 0808 800 3333 (free) if you'd like to speak to somebody over the phone. You're doing the right thing by reaching out for help. Please do keep us updated and we'll advise where we can.

  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Hi Pippa

    I have emailed your Team.
    I am about to self refer to my council for Adult safeguarding due to my physical, learning and mental Health disabilities, I have no alternative and feel awful!
    My wife has stated to me, reasson for doing so is self preservation.
    I now realise I have to do the same.

    Thanks 
  • Pippa_ScopePippa_Scope Member Posts: 5,856 Disability Gamechanger
    So glad to hear you're reaching out @murphy10, I really hope you find the support you need. We're all rooting for you!
  • murphy10murphy10 Member Posts: 9 Listener
    Thanks again for your time and help with my issue.
    Kind regards J
  • LindaB55LindaB55 Member Posts: 4 Listener
    Hi Murphy10
    I'm also going through a divorce after 31 years of being together, Circumstance are similar I have requested a divorce because he left me and just decided that working away was better for him than bothering with me.anyway.  I want to sell the house but cannot without his permission, my solicitor says he has agreed to this but I have not seen anything in writing and until I do I will not do anything towards selling the house, just in case I end up in trouble and have to give him more money.  I am disabled and he owns 2 houses but as he works away and lives in hotels he can be classed as homeless.  He also has hundreds of thousands in the bank and has not disclosed this on the forms and I am not allowed to say that I know about his money - which is stupid.  I recently have lost my mother to cancer and have started a new drug which will not cure one of my disabilities which is a very rare disease which is fatal but the new drug is supposed to help.  I fully understand how you feel and know that you feel worthless and utterly down with life.  When I feel like this which is often I have a rule that I will look around the room I am in and decide to live for that day for a particular item or object in the room.  I do this with the idea that the object I am living for cannot go out side, cannot feel the wind on its skin or feel my kittens fur or hear their purr but I CAN.  If I can do the simplest of things today then I will take the joy from doing that and that little thing makes me live for another day.  Probably sounds stupid to others but I hope it helps you in some way.
    Don't give up.
    Get a solicitor and make sure you have your rights protected and look after the most important person in the world and that is you.
    Good luck.
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