Should I be honest about my disabilities on the dating scene?

faybabes
faybabes Community member Posts: 1 Listener
edited October 2018 in Relationships
I'm just returning to the dating scene after 3 years on my own, as soon as I start talking about my disabilities and those of 2 of my children they lose interest...isn't it best to be upfront and honest?

Comments

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 118 Listener
    absolutely be honest....i question why mention the childrens issues when just starting to date because 1) dating you does not include the kids at first ...2) concentrate on making a friend first and formost and let things develop ho estly and slowly. I dont believe disability has to define someone so I wouldnt make that the focal point if your date does well maybe they not good enough for you?
  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Community member Posts: 7,879 Championing
    Hi @faybabes welcome to the community!

    I totally agree with @vickyanne. We all know the saying 'Honesty is the best policy' especially when it could potentially involve spending more and more time with someone.  
  • MKMale
    MKMale Community member Posts: 23 Contributor
    Hello @faybabes
    I have to say that I agree. Being honest and upfront is the best way to be and I can't be any other way. I am not interested in fake people and I want someone to know the real me and to accept me for any hope of a future honesty and sincerity is a must!Must admit  that it doesn't help me and I agree that once women know about my disabilities they disappear/stop replying almost immediately
  • Garza
    Garza Community member Posts: 146 Empowering
    I have been with my current partner for 5 years, I am a wheelchair user so really no choice but to be open about things, we met on a dating site and I made a point of always showing my wheelchair in pics, the beauty of the dating site is that you are not going in cold and have a chance to chat about things online before making the step of meeting someone in person, dating for anyone can be a challenge let alone with added disabilities,good luck with your search
  • topshoes
    topshoes Community member Posts: 436 Empowering
    edited November 2018
    @faybabes i have been on most of the dating sites and must say few years now  on and off lol ,  where they are free and  once where you have to pay, and they are all the same , so yes one i would say be honest , but i will say you need your wits about you in more ways then one  , so if you need any help just ask ,  x
  • Markmywords
    Markmywords Community member Posts: 416 Empowering
    If you avoid it, or worse lie about it, then what will happen when they finally find out? What will they think then?
  • Becky270
    Becky270 Community member Posts: 5 Connected
    Absolutely!! 100%. I am an 'able-bodied' person, and my partner Dan is a wheelchair user. (He has a rare, degenerative condition called Friedreich's Ataxia). He was so honest with me, I knew I could trust him straight away. Plus, it was really refreshing. I talk about how we met and how we broached the subject of his disability on my blog: https://headoverwheelsx.com/
    Becky :smile:

  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Community member Posts: 16 Connected
    faybabes said:
    I'm just returning to the dating scene after 3 years on my own, as soon as I start talking about my disabilities and those of 2 of my children they lose interest...isn't it best to be upfront and honest?
    In my experience women seem to face less issues than men when it comes to online dating.  As a guy in his 40s I hide my condition from my profile for the simple fact that competition is far greater. But I will always talk about it after a few messages and if there seems to be interest.  I never lie in my profile saying I'm Mr keep fit or I go out dancing or anything I'm truthful with my Interests and hobbies.

    Since August I did meet one person who I really liked, the first date was awesome with lots of kissing (totally unexpected) however a few days later she made a number of comments which I wasn't happy about and decided she wasn't for me.  We spoke about it and she took it badly.  

    I believe every scenario is different I'm a truthful person and will always be blunt offering a get out quickly option.  Some have taken the option others well we still chat with intentions of meeting up and yes they know I have CRPS in both my legs. 
  • worried33
    worried33 Community member Posts: 516 Pioneering
    I would say be honest.  It may take longer for someone willing to give you the time of the day, but when someone does, they more likely to stick around and will appreciate the honesty.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    I too have been using dating sites and while I don't mention my disability in my profile I do let them know once we have sent few messages. A lot of them disappear but some don't.  You need to be honest if it's going to result in meeting them. I have recently met a lovely man through on line dating and while our relationship is in early stages it's going from strength to strength. So persevere but also be careful there are a lot of scammers on there who target vulnerable people

  • EmmaJane
    EmmaJane Scope Member Posts: 32 Contributor
    As a wheelchair user, the fact that I have disabilities is obvious from the outset. I'm sure it puts a lot of people off but I like to think that those who take an interest are the nicer ones :)

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