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We want to hear from you: please tell us about your experience of the online community.

Friendship

kenny

I am confined to my wheelchair due to cerebal palsy, apart from that I think I am pretty normal! But I have no friends I try to make friends, I go places etc. But a lot of people don't answer the phone to me, I assume it's when they see it's me ringing! They don't pick up on video chat, I'm not invited anywhere, most places I go are with family, or alone how I would love to have some friends to meet up with, I am 34 now and it can be very disheartening when I see other young men out and about, wishing I was one of them. Do other disabled people feel the same way, that our disabity excludes us from friendships

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Comments

htlcy

Hi @kenny , really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I think a lot of people with disabilities can relate to you in one way or another. I think sometimes people forget that they need to factor in accessibility requirements regarding our disabilities and that sometimes may cause difficulties (although, of course, it is not our fault and we don't deserve to feel that way!). I think also we forget how busy people are: life speeds on by and it's too easy to forget to check in with each other. In terms of meeting new people, are there any clubs you could attend where you could meet new, like minded people? Maybe this will help you to feel a bit better generally. Sometimes I have had to tell friends 'gently' to not forget to ask me on trips. Because I sometimes say no, I think people assume that means I always mean no, and I've explained to them that I always appreciate being asked. I hope you find something to help you: remember that communities like these are wonderful for finding support. Do let us know how you get on. I hope you have a great day

Ami2301

Hi @kenny

Sorry to hear that this is happening to you. You are not alone in this as many members within the community, including myself, experience exclusion. I have lost many friends due to becoming disabled, however I am very grateful and fortunate to have true friends who have stuck by my side through everything.

Have you spoken to our lovely @Richard_Scope? Richard also has Cerebal Palay and I am sure that he would be more than happy to share his experiences with you!

Misscleo

Iv had this treatment for several years now.
Friends tell me "we all met up" iv started pointing out its not All is it.
Got the answer y'day "well you walk too slow".
Told 1 of them you may get arthritis yourself.
She said " oh you and your arthritis you always blane your arthritus for walking too slow"
It beggers belefe that someone whi walked the Grand Canyon with me a few years ago could talk like that.
Fraid i stepped down to her level and said i hope your son gets arthritis. I dont really was just wanted to get the point over tut

topshoes

Hi @kenny a lovely warm welcome to you , i am so sorry to hear this ,i would not worry about it to much mybe they been to work and not long been in and tired , had a few words with their boyfriend and dont want to talk to any one , and so on , dont get me wrong i would not make excuses for no one , but i would give them the benefit of the doubt , is there any clubs by you which you can join ,well you have come to the right place we are all a nice bunch on here ,there is people who can help you with most things on here so if you just need to talk or you got a problem just give us all a shout , x

kenny

Thanks for the replies and yes I do go places, like the gym, and footie, and even play bingo, drive radio controlled cars, and people do talk to me, but what I mean is a friend to be close to and go out with and chat to, and yes there are many nice people on hear, but it can't compensate for real friendships

topshoes

@Misscleo i am sorry to hear that , yes how people change when you have known them for some time even years, but always think to yourself they are showing how they really are ,and you have always got us on here not the same but its nice to have people on here you can talk too

kenny

Thanks topshoes yes it does show how people really are, and I appreciate your replies, it's nice to know the same thing happens to other people as well as me.

topshoes

@kenny you are more then welcome, its not just with disabled people it happens to, it happens to the fit people to not nice but that is how some people are

newborn

Know what you mean Kenny.

Misscleo I'm trying to see a good side of the coin. You must be 90 % just the same misscleo who walked the canyon with your friend, or else she couldn't find it hard to believe the problems you now have, with walking.

General public are not necessarily imaginative or comprehending, if they haven't been 'trained' by personal experience or by having a close family member with disability.

You can tell her that, if she challenges you on what you said about her son. I'm sure you meant it as just that if she, or he, had a temporary taste of problems, it would be an education she clearly needs. (A week merely with a sprained ankle would -soon do the trick.)

Mostly, people give consideration when the disability is visible, e.g. maybe you could try using a walking aid? Even if it doesn't help your pain much, it demonstrates that the 100% misscleo has changed by 10%, so of course she walks a little more slowly. Your friends will, I'm sure, be a little shamed by the rest of the public, who will be rushing to hold doors and offer help.

Richard_Scope

Hi @kenny

Great to meet you! Thanks to @Ami2301 for tagging me into this conversation. Like most of the commenters have said already it is probably the case that life has taken over. I know for sure that I don't see as much of my friends as I used to. That is for a multitude of reasons; work, uni, partners and children etc.

Have you heard of Outsiders?

http://www.outsiders.org.uk/outsidersclub/

I heard some very positive things about the peer support that people have been able to get from attending their events etc

I'm almost always around for a chat @kenny, don't feel alone.

kenny

Thanks Richard, I know life takes over, I feel because I have never had a girlfriend, or a job, still live with parents, that friends I once knew all left me behind, that life has left me behind, if you know what I mean

Richard_Scope

Hi @kenny

How's it going?

Braddaz

Oh Kenny, it's had me depressed for years because I thought it was me. After much thought and reading about it I realised it's something that happens to a lot of disabled people. If you are up to getting a dog its a good way to make new friends as almost all dog owners are chatty and friendly. I take mine out on my mobility scooter.

cracker

@kenny,

I have had lots of this, too. FRiends drop off because I can no longer participate with them in the things we used to do together. I may not be physically capable ot keeping up with them, not able to engage in their interests (which were ;mine until I became disabled).

We have grown apart with much less in common. Sometimes I think I am struggling to keep going and they are out there living their lives.

You are by no means alone, we are here in the same boat.

Welcome, glad you are here, and ;you will find friends here.

kenny

It's good to know that so many other disabled people feel the same and have the same issues, in a world where if only people spared a little time to give disabled people a helping hand, a few hours of their time, could mean so much to us, I personally find that those who offer soon become tired with it, and just drift away, thank you