Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Time off for Caring Responsibilities

My Mum has a hospital appointment & needs me to go with her. I asked my boss if I could have two days unpaid leave to take Mum to her appointment but my boss said no as I'm not allowed any time off during my probation period. I would phone in sick but I've been off sick with my health problems quite a lot and I'm worried about getting a disciplinary. Mum needs to attend this appointment & we don't have anyone else that will go with her. Mum, due to her illness is refusing to go with an agency carer accompanying her which I would pay for.
Has anyone else been in this situation or can help me see a solution?


  • newbornnewborn Member Posts: 683 Pioneering
    Sorry, but of course I don't know your mum.   All the years I've worked with disability groups, I've noticed that completely without intending to be bullies, people sometimes do use their disabilities as an unwitting form of power abuse,   to force carers to comply with unfair demands.

    A man will insist his frail wife must lift him, not trusting anyone else.  She is in pain. In the end, she will collapse, and he will be obliged to take help from others, like it or not.  Logic says better sooner than later, so his wife's own health is not wrecked,  before his unreasonable but understandable stubbornness is confronted.

     A daughter refuses to let anyone but her mum feed her.  Mum needs an operation, but believes if she herself goes to hospital,  her daughter will starve to death rather than take food from a carer.  But if mum does not have the operation, her own condition will worsen.   Then, she won't be around to feed anyone.

    If you fall under that famous proverbial bus, your mum will just have to let others help.  If, instead, you give up your job, is that really a good idea for either of you?
  • the_velvet_girlthe_velvet_girl Member Posts: 103 Courageous
    It's part of Mum's illness & past experience she won't let anyone else go with her. It's not an abuse of power or bullying behaviour. She won't trust anyone else. I don't intend to resign from work to accompany her to a one off appointment. 
    With the above cases did the people involved have mental capacity?
  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    My daughter doesn't have mental capacity and there was a time in the past where she wouldn't let anyone but myself do anything for her or go anywhere with her. This isn't always possible, as i have a disability and ill health myself. I explained to her time and time again that i simply can't do everything for her or with her. It took a long time for her to understand this but she did in the end.

    Maybe it's time to start to explain to your mum that you can't always be there for her either. Take the strain from yourself too and find some help, it'll make a huge difference in the end.

    As your employer has already refused you time off to take your mum, calling in sick on the day she has her appointment could see you lose your job. With it being so close to Christmas it's not the most ideal time to be without a job.
    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
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