Housing and independent living
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Hi, my name is sandbanks1!

I am widowed aged 74 in 3 months. Had MS since my early 40’s, osteoarthritis has been taking over especially my hands. Had knees replaced over last couple of years. Despite these challenges plus heart problems I do my best to keep happy helped by my Westie and Yorkie girls who are 7 and 12. How can you be sad with such company? My biggest worry is my home had become very cluttered and despite serious attempts I have failed to make inroads. I find normal tasks more and more a challenge and recently lost my last good friend ages 89.
dont know where to turn but I do recognise I really need help. Any ideas?


  • crackercracker Member Posts: 324 Pioneering
    You certainly have a lot on your plate. I am glad you posted here - we do understand and will do anything to help you.

    Can you get some in-house help with cleaning out the clutter? Getting it out would no doubt improve your quality of life

    Losing a friend is so hard. I am 71, and several friends have died.

    You sound very strong, given what you contend with.

    Welcome to the forum, do join us..
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Lovely you took time to write, thank you. The daughter of my late friend says she will help but she has so much going on I think it’s unfair. Will see what the New Year brings. Lost hubby in 2011 to cancer and I nursed him for 16 months without any help so guess I am strong but that exhausted me.
  • debbiedo49debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,906 Disability Gamechanger
    Good luck and I hope you get the help you need.
    I am a fibro warrior !💜♏️
  • blue_zebrablue_zebra Member Posts: 74 Connected
    Hello @sandbanks1 and welcome to the community, 

    We are happy to have you here and there's lots of advice available to offer guidance and support. You have come to the right place. 

    Do do you have an occupational therapist visit you at all?
    I think this would be beneficial as they can help with your environmental factors to make life more manageable. You can self refer via adult social services or directly through your gp. 

    I will gladly help if I can or signpost where possible.

    King regards 

    💙  @blue_zebra 💙
    Community Champion 


    ♿️💪🏻 EDSWarrior 💪🏻♿️

  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Hello and thank you for writing. I live in the PURBECK area of Dorset and had a councillor till I was 65 who would knock my door once a week to check on me and organised aids for me. I was told when I reached 65 I would leave that group but there was not adequate help for the over 65’s as there were too many of us. That was 8 years ago and think the only help I received was a pooping stool supplied after knee surgery and I had to phone and ask for that. After my husband died I moved out of sheltered accommodation and bought a home closer to transport although presently I’m still able to drive my mobility car. Had a stair lift fitted along with other adaptions at my expense so I’m not a scrounger. Didn’t realise that my mobility would decrease so much that bus or train travel wouldn’t be possible as I couldn’t walk from the station to the shops etc and no way to get a scooter over the bridge to reach the station anyway. GP can’t help as there is only service for the very informed and that is poor anyway. Can’t afford the £34 an hour for private help......
  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sandbanks1

    Welcome it’s great to meet you today 😇

    Yes I have gone through the problems with regards to “home adaptation’s” 

    All the council would do for me was to fit “grab rails” every where!!!!!

    I also required a “star lift” to get me up & down my stairs.

    Unfortunately my bathroom/bed were on the second floor.

     I was told by the “Occy Heath” lady that I requireda lift in my living room/stairlift.

     I was told by the “Powers Above” that I would not have “either”

    I had the “Stroke Association”  supply & fit a “stairlift” for me

    When the O/T popped in after it was fitted she though it had been done by the “Council”

    I soon told her you must be “Joking”

    Please let me know if there’s anything that I can help you with???
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Hi Steve,
    sounds about right. 
    At least you saw an O/T
    when I came out of hospital after knee replacement on Friday lunchtime, I didn’t see anyone till Monday lunchtime.They came for approx 10 mins twice daily for 6 days, did very little except comments that I should get some friends in to tidy up for me. Upset me a lot as I don’t get out to meet any except once a month to MS Society evening dinner and natter as it’s very close to where I live. I’m too ashamed to ask them for help.
    but when I see what’s happening around the world I count myself very lucky.
    just wonder sometimes why I paid a full stamp all those years.🙃 

  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sandbanks1

    Yes they don’t do much in my many many experiences over the years!!!!!!!

    You definitely think why have I worked all of my life for so little!!!

    We all should be happy 😃 with what we have got when you see what is going on around the world 🌍 
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Yes Steve We must be Happy it’s good for you so say the scientific research. Keep smiling but don’t look in the mirror ( smiling shows up the many wrinkles )

  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @sandbanks1 Pleased to meet you welcome.

    Thank you for joining and sharing.

    I am also one of the team of community champions.  As you have received a warm welcome from my some of the team of community champions

    Pleased to meet you @blue_zebra have not met you before pleasure to meet you.  Hope we can be friends . We all support each other.  The community champions.

    One suggestion I have is talking to AGE UK

    Helpline number 0800 055 6112.


    Also have the Silver Line .

    0800 4 70 80 90 


    Set up by Dame Esther Rantzen get a weekly phone call. From a befriender. Something to consider.

    Hope that helps.

    Please ask if we can help and advise on anything.  Some one will know in our community or a member of a team.

    One other organisation I have is.

    National Osteoporosis Society  deal with Osteoarthritis.

    Helpline 0808 800 0035

    If you want a chat or feel the need to talk always here.

    Pleasure to meet you.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sandbanks1

    Yes I don't look in the mirror anymore as my "Grey Hairs" seem to be growing far to fast for my liking!!!!!! 
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Mmm now I’m lucky there as only have a stripe of grey hair at my right temple. I’m told it helps me look a little younger. That is if the person looking doesn’t focus an the wrinkles.
    keep smiling and to hell with lines
  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger

    Yes I will need to get the black paint out if I'm not too careful mind you we have got a local Halfords that will come in handy one day!!!!!! 
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Tom Jones is grey and looks far better now than when he used to dyed it black, Don’t you think? 
  • steve51steve51 Member Posts: 7,175 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sandbanks1

    I had better not answer that "one"

    Should I??????? 
  • sandbanks1sandbanks1 Member Posts: 8 Connected
    Go on, answer. He still sings well or you may not agree
  • disabledkennydisabledkenny Member Posts: 40 Connected
    Hi sandbanks1 great to meet you, I help & support a lot of disabled people & people over the age of 50 I run a local community group here in Oldham.
    Have you ever had a social service care assessment if not you should ring social services in your area & request one within 3 weeks they should arrange one, they can offer a free care package for you, if not free just a small amount for you to pay, I get 24.5 hours a week free care but have to pay £50 for a personal care as they will not do cleaning, laundry, shopping or socializing, I am 52 & an electric wheelchair user with 24 medical conditions.
    Age Uk is https://www.ageuk.org.uk as above link was not the correct link.
    I hope this has been helpful, Kenny.
  • Ami2301Ami2301 Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,747 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @sandbanks1 welcome to the community! :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
  • Sam_AlumniSam_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,729 Disability Gamechanger
    Welcome to the community @sandbanks1
    I have moved your post to the Older Person's advisor category, where I hope @Bryher will be able to offer you any support needed :)
    Senior online community officer
  • thespicemanthespiceman Member Posts: 6,408 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @sandbanks1 Apologise about web addresses. Must have missed out crucial dot after the www. Sorry.

    Thanks @disabledkenny Pointing that out often go back re correct any thing. Double check and make sure my grammar and spelling are correct. Plus anything else.

    One of those days.  Thank you again.

    Thank you.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Antonia_AlumniAntonia_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,781 Pioneering
    Hi @sandbanks1
    Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story with us. 

    Thank you all for your advice and support!
  • disabledkennydisabledkenny Member Posts: 40 Connected
    Hi you welcome thespiceman I know that feeling, I often make mistakes myself
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