Paddy Smyth is 30 and from Dublin and you may recognise him
from First Dates Ireland or from his brilliant social media campaigns. Today he
talks to us about dating as a gay man with Cerebral Palsy.
I kind of fell into being an activist, after appearing on
First Dates, the response was overwhelming, I was trending on Twitter! It opened
doors for me into using my platform to work with brands, be in the media and to
do talks at schools and workplaces about diversity and inclusion. I have always
been good at telling a story, it’s a skill I got from my mum and so now I have
the opportunity to use that to normalise disability. If I can change one person’s
mindset, or show a young person that they can reach for their goals, then that
makes it worthwhile.
Dating for everyone can be tough, but as a gay, disabled man
I felt that these two parts of me were so separate in the eyes of society. Gay
men are seen as highly sexualised, it’s all about image and often disabled
people are seen as non sexual beings, someone fragile, someone you need to protect.
Gay dating apps like Grindr are all about the first look,
about your physical appearance and I had always struggled to feel attractive,
it was hard to get my head around. I put a lot of pressure on myself and had succumbed
to the pressure of society to look a certain way. Exploring my character as a
gay, disabled man was tough. Then I thought ‘**** it!’ There comes a point
where you have to accept the cards that you were dealt with, you can sit and
feel sorry for yourself or you can put it all out there!
I decided to go on First Dates after a friend suggested it,
I wasn’t sure at first but I am glad I did. I knew I just wanted to show the
world that the emotions of going on a first date are the same whether you are
able bodied or disabled, we all feel the same nerves! One of the biggest
strengths you can have is the ability to be disliked, so I knew that I could
deal with whatever the response was, but people loved the show and the feedback
I got was phenomenol.
I think there is a societal shift happening right now, a
movement towards normalising disability, we are seeing more disabled actors in
TV shows and movies, more disabled presenters and shining a light on real
disabled people, that we are just like everyone else. To see people like me on
the television is a real step forward.
What dating advice would I give to others? We all have our own
strengths, play to them, if you are great at art or fashion or numbers, then
celebrate that. Stop looking to everyone else and comparing yourself, it only
gets you down. Stay in your lane, get your blinkers on and think about what you
want, who you are and you’ll find the person who loves you for it.
You can find Paddy on Twitter, Snapchat and Instagram and
watch this space as we may be seeing a lot more of him in 2019!
