Parents, carers and disabled parents
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Disabled siblings

Hi, I am new here.  I have 2  younger siblings with Special needs.  My mum is their primary carer & she is 65 now & they are late 20’s & 30.  They are both wheelchair bound and need help for everything.  When I was 18 I moved out and started a life about 40 miles away.  We were never really a close family.  I am 37 now.  I am now very conscious of my mother’s age and mental and physical strength and feel that I need to step in and help.  Doing this would mean leaving my job which I’ve done very well in with few qualifications, as it’s very far away and probably moving back to my home town (which I hate).  I would probably have to leave my partner as I couldn’t expect him to change his life and move etc...
I feel guilty all the time.  Any advice would be good, my head is a mess.

Replies

  • CockneyRebelCockneyRebel Member Posts: 5,257 Disability Gamechanger
    What a difficult position you are in.
    In the short term, would you be able to offer some respite care for your siblings to give your mother a break ?
    If you turn your life upside down, you may well become resentful which would be of no use to anyone.
    Have you talked to your partner ? any way forward should be discussed before you take any action
    Be all you can be, make  every day count. Namaste
  • Miltonk123Miltonk123 Member Posts: 3 Listener
    Thank you, I think I will have to talk it through.  I will try and get down on the weekends to help before I do anything major.
  • shelby3shelby3 Member Posts: 5 Listener
    Hello, 
    You could help out without turning your life upside down. 
    I think helping out at weekend Is a good idea as it will give your mum a rest and it may make you feel a little better too.

    You could look into carers breaks and respite (nhs) 
    Could get someone to look after your sisters a few hours a week, have someone help with the house or your sisters could spent a short time in a care home to allow your mum a holiday 
    I don't know much about it but I hope they can help 
  • Pippa_AlumniPippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,851 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Miltonk123, thanks for sharing. You've had some good advice from our members about ways of potentially helping without upturning your own life. Has your mum/family had a needs assessment to check they're getting the support they're eligible for?
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