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How people/ friends shock you.

Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
Hiya everyone,
Im not a big user of Facebook but odd times I do. 
The other week I congratulated an old school friend on her birthday and early retirement.
I then received a message back thanking me for the post . She then said we must make arrangements to meet up and go out when she moves back.
I said that would be lovely,but unfortunately due to health conditions I will sadly have to decline. I then went on to say that we can still keep in contact via Facebook. I haven’t heard a thing from her, it’s been a few weeks. The sad part is she a retired nurse, I would have thought above all people she would have understood.
I do accept that people or friends can be surprised if someone is not the person they once were. I struggle with my own self at times, so goodness knows how others do.
I feel quite sad that people find it easier to ignore and hide,than to tackle a situation face on.
This is why I feel that this forum is so important. Yes some people can be more full on than others on here ,but it’s a good place and there are good people on here with brilliant advice.???


  • wilko
    wilko Member Posts: 2,449 Disability Gamechanger
    Yes  I have contacted people but have not had received a reply, people are busy living thei lives and mean to intend to get in contact with us but for some reason or other they don’t, work, social activities busy lives, I meet friends at church once a week I can contact them if need be by phone, txt, email ect but when your mine next door neighbours don’t talk or interact with you me it is a sad sign of the times we live in today. Kindness costs nothing pacing the time of day with those we meet on our travels is all part of lives rich tapestry the interaction we have with and for each other we delvelope a caring interested bond for each other. I see and meet to many tied up involved with their phones and technology to stop and talk. You will always have someone to interact with you on this scope forum.
  • Gwendoline1
    Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
    Hiya wilko,
    Yes, you are absolutely right. Sad though it is, you are correct it is the sign of the times.
    Thank you for sharing your experiences with me.
    Take care and look after yourself.???
  • twonker
    twonker Posts: 617 Connected
    I gave up friends years ago. It was all about them when we used to meet up. It was too hard trying to think positively and being pleased for the life that they are enjoying. I'm not a miserable type but I found no one wanted to hear my problems.
    Much like the PIP assessor I had.

  • Gwendoline1
    Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
    Hiya twonker,
    People are very strange, you’ve either got them or you haven’t.
    Im very fortunate that I’ve got a great family so friends are not that important to me.
    I just find it quite strange how people react when situations or circumstances have changed.
    Thanks for taking the time to reply, take care and look after yourself.???
  • affii1993
    affii1993 Member Posts: 103 Courageous
    @Gwendoline1 hello
    i completely understand and agree with u I face same problem sometimes I have to cancel meets and appointment on the day due to health issues and the feedback is so upsetting and how it’s slap on the face for being ill
  • Gwendoline1
    Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
    Hiya affil1993, 
    You are absolutely right.
    Its their loss in my book.
    We really don’t need the people in our lives. You soon see who your real friends are. Thanks ???

  • Fitznspatz
    Fitznspatz Member Posts: 45 Courageous
    edited March 2019
    Try not to take it personally, Gwendoline. Sometimes we meet people, perhaps on holiday, and cheerily say ‘Call in if you’re in our neighbourhood’ which also, and often, means ‘Don’t call in ...’!

    More likely, I expect, your old school friend possibly would have been happy to meet you but then something intervened ... a family crisis, a flood in the bathroom, a sick pet ... who knows? Distracted, she failed to get in touch and as too much time elapsed she then became too embarrassed to reciprocate. Or maybe dementia is starting to take hold and she simply forgot.

    Perhaps you could try to initiate contact again but if silence is the stern reply once more you just move on. She’s not worth expending effort on. Maybe you could invent some pretext such as asking if she happens to know of another classmate who you were thinking about.
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Gwendoline1 Thank you sharing with the community. How are you?

    I live alone and it is a sad reflection of our society we live in.

    I can identify every thing your saying and it all very sad and troubling.

    I always say the best friend is you but if the cup runs over you have time for others.

    Which I do good honest Christian values . Being time for each other is part of human nature. 

    Had so many calls one time usually from fair-weather friends, those I  meet and greet occasionally.  I would ring them as you do to a silence on the other end.

    Cut me off and end of that. Come times and if they have a problem or an issue would have the audacity to call me.

    Typical of the situation arising especially those losing benefits, employment status.  All considering me as an answer to their prayers.

    Instead of a handout. What they were expecting, I am charitable and supportive.  Many had disabilities and other health conditions I am aware of .   Lots of them like myself with my own health history.

    It is then a battle of wills, courage to stand up to these fair weather friends. Some had called to my home inviting them in, me trying to be polite and reasonable.

    Find the attitudes all wrong.  Some have stolen from me. I am not a simple gentleman or stupid but it is always hurt me to know that they have.

    I had to put a block on my phone recently due to the influx of calls.

    Screening calls and only ever contacting those that could do with my assistance . If I feel that they are genuine.  Sorry to say that but in places where I lived . It is a ripple effect. You go to that house that man will help you. 

    Strangers have turned up.  Am a friend of said there name.  To come you can help me, my memory not good some days.

    What I offer is friendship and help but also some assistance in finding your way to help yourself.

    All very sad and poignant former friends expecting money in reality I give them support, guidance in form of information, knowledge and expertise.

    Do get walked over and treated like a door mat have to admit. Have to say now instead you do something for me I help you. Never really happens like that.

    So now have one good friend he knows where I am.

    Other things I have done is just be aware of who is who and always have to be thinking what do they want. Sorry to say this hurts me. Understanding some people who were supposed to be friends ever harder.

    Especially those who have left home and expect me to be the surrogate parent.

    Those with addiction histories like myself.

    Thank you to this forum and the friends I have made. At least no one on here can hurt me and harm me.

    Never feel lonely.

    Pleasure to meet you. Again.

    Take care.

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
  • Gwendoline1
    Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
    Hiya Fitznspotz,
    I rarely take blanking me personally. Time for that is if my family were to do it.
    It shocked me because she wanted to met up. I have only ever sent ‘ happy birthday ‘ messages and nothing else.
    Since my health deteriorated and I’ve needed to use a wheelchair I’m forever shocked at people’s reactions.
    Im happy in my own self and luckily have a full,rich life.
    It shocks me how people react. I find it difficult to get my head around it.
    Never mind ,lucky we’re all not the same.
    Thanks for replying.
    Take care and look after yourself.???
  • Gwendoline1
    Gwendoline1 Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
    Hiya thespiceman,
    Im very well, how are you.
    Youve hit the nail on the head.
    The best part about this she was the one who invited me. I hadn’t even thought about meeting up.
    Thank you for replying.
    You too take care of yourself and thanks again.???

  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Gwendoline1 Thank you. Am doing OK just like every body else doing the best you can.

    Great to talk to you anytime.

    Always like that is it not.

    Thanks for kind words.

    Take care.


    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.


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