West Sussex anyone? — Scope | Disability forum
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West Sussex anyone?

AndyDurham
AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
edited March 2019 in Dating, sex, and relationships
Hello, I'm hoping to meet new people ideally to hangout with.  I'm a 40 y/o Male living in the Gatwick Diamond area.  I had cancer in 2014 although successfully treated I developed Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome (CRPS) as a result.  My old life has faded away, my marriage failed, my old friends have moved on, I've lost my career and business...and I'm incredibly lonely.  Most definitely in need of a  good friend or two. 

My priority is to make friends, share company and support each other. 

Is there anyone else feeling the same in my area? I'm in Horsham 

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  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    @AndyDurham, I used to live in Surrey (20mins from Gatwick) but am now based in Lowestoft, and just like yourself am looking for a friend as I don't know anybody at all here and have no family either. My Son & Daughter both live in Chessington, and so I don't see them :-(  I'm not bored as such, but I do feel lonely.
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Loneliness sucks, I keep myself busy and have either music, radio or the telly on in the background but having someone physical in your life makes the difference. 

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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,945 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @AndyDurham are you able to go out into the community or are you housebound?
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
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  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    AndyDurham said:
    Loneliness sucks, I keep myself busy and have either music, radio or the telly on in the background but having someone physical in your life makes the difference. 


    Absolutely... It's doubly difficult when you're housebound and/or do not know the area at all. Even sites such as Scope are very good indeed, but there's still no voice to be heard or a facial expression etc. I'm not one for being carted-off to some disability centre for a slice of cake and to play dominoes before then being carted back again.  
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Roddy said:
    AndyDurham said:
    Loneliness sucks, I keep myself busy and have either music, radio or the telly on in the background but having someone physical in your life makes the difference. 


     I'm not one for being carted-off to some disability centre for a slice of cake and to play dominoes before then being carted back again.  
     Definitely the same I approached the local council a few months back asking them to put up a meet n greet site for people finding it challenging to meet others.   Although they were sympathetic to my request they just dont have the resources.  They understood my comment about being in the presence of people who are paid to be there and people who want to be there.  -  One day - maybe here today and via this site who knows

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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    @Ami2301 - im not entirely housebound but I am not particularly mobile either.  The last 6 months have gotten worse, Im not able to walk as far.  The need to rest and elevate my legs is pretty restrictive 
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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,945 Disability Gamechanger
    Do you have a powered wheelchair? I think this would be very beneficial to you as it would enable you to go out a little more, even up the road :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Actually I've only just started to look at Electric scooters.  

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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,945 Disability Gamechanger
    That's great! The best option to take first is speak to your GP about a referral to NHS Wheelchair Services :)
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    I've asked to see one of those occupational therapists im not sure I need a wheelchair as I do have some use of my legs and I'd like to keep it going for as long as possible 
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  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    AndyDurham said:
    Roddy said:
    AndyDurham said:
    Loneliness sucks, I keep myself busy and have either music, radio or the telly on in the background but having someone physical in your life makes the difference. 


     I'm not one for being carted-off to some disability centre for a slice of cake and to play dominoes before then being carted back again.  
     Definitely the same I approached the local council a few months back asking them to put up a meet n greet site for people finding it challenging to meet others.   Although they were sympathetic to my request they just dont have the resources.  They understood my comment about being in the presence of people who are paid to be there and people who want to be there.  -  One day - maybe here today and via this site who knows

    I'm one of 7 residents in my care home, and although I get along with them, I don't use the communal lounge at all or mix with them socially. They just sit and stare at the tv all day and most are in their eighties and have no interests or hobbies at all, and very little to talk about save for what they had for lunch or whatever... I did have a Motability vehicle paid from my PIP but my last assessment reduced my entitlement. I appealed of course, but got nowhere, of course. There's no room or space here for a mobility scooter and I get taken out once per week (if I'm lucky) to a local shop and that's all. I'd be lost without my laptop/WiFi and even this has been removed for my use in the past for no reason but spite.  
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    JESUS Roddy I think you need to complain about all that - did you seek for your pip to go to a tribunal ?   apparently most are being over turned. but the waiting list takes forever 

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  • Ami2301
    Ami2301 Member, Community Co-Production Group Posts: 7,945 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry, I forgot to say that they do assess you for power chairs, not just wheelchairs
    Disability Gamechanger - 2019
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  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    AndyDurham said:
    JESUS Roddy I think you need to complain about all that - did you seek for your pip to go to a tribunal ?   apparently most are being over turned. but the waiting list takes forever 


    It's all in the hands of my solicitors. There are several other very serious events/legal action cases currently being addressed too. Like most people, I'm sick and tired of trying to deal with things with the limited resources at my disposal and getting nowhere fast. NOBODY assists you, or if they can or do it's almost an equally stressful task seeing anybody or getting any positive action. It took me 6 months just arranging a 20 minute interview with the CAB for example which has it's nearest office 15 miles away. Arrive their after 8:30am and you wont get seen. Period. And, have you tried calling PIP or ESA? You can be waiting 50 minutes for an answer and even then it's the same old nonsense and false promises... I'm up to £4500 in legal fees alone, and I've not even been to court yet and of course there's no guarantee that I'll win. Depends what kind of mood the 'Judge' is in, eh. Much the same as the idiotic assessors. Evidence means nothing to these people... 
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Roddy Sorry to hear this what you are sharing with the community.

    How can I help. ?  I am one of the team of community champions on the forum. One of our roles is to try to help and support those with any problems or issues.

    If I can advise or help?  Please get in touch. 

    I do not understand the situation with your laptop this is not good to hear.

    Also the situation with CAB.

    We as a community do take notice will help, advise and guide you.  Be supportive and listen.

    Your among friends.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman

    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    Im really sorry your going through this.  I am going through a very large Consumer Rights issue myself and recall something about care homes being included in the law. 

    https://www.wrighthassall.co.uk/knowledge/legal-articles/2017/07/31/are-care-homes-breaking-consumer-law/

    Certainly the standard of care under Skill should have you covered. Im not a solicitor but at least its worth a few emails or phone calls. 

    You can also check these out and see if you can get funding for CIVIL legal aid and CIVIL help with court costs. 

    https://www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice
    https://checklegalaid.service.gov.uk/session-expired

    Hope these help 


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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,389 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @AndyDurham   Pleased to meet you.

    Sorry to hear that your lonely.  I live on my own and I know it is difficult. I do understand . I have a disability plus mental health issues.

    I use this forum to help and support my self stops me from being lonely..

    Unfortunately lost my car due to the PIP debacle so now have no transport but the good thing is being on here.

    Use my life skills and knowledge to help and support all you amazing community members.

    As a volunteer as a community champion.

    Also please can I add I know the difficulty of finding a support network.

    Few years ago the mental health charity I was a client of or service user decided I was well. So sent  me an Email saying so. No after care.

    In my villages loads of us the same gents like myself. Decided to explore setting up a support group. Utter failure all these lads all self centred and the reply was well can you pick me up.  Got no transport, or why would I wish to do that.

    Many still have issues and do not wish to help themselves.

    I admire what your trying to do.  I do understand .  Always supportive.

    Do have the following you might be interested.  Organisation called Burning Nights.

    https://www.burningnightscrps.org.

    Telephone Helpline 01663 795 055

    Monday to Friday 10.00am. to 4pm.

    Hopes that helps might be a support group in your area.

    Please keep in touch.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
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  • Government_needs_reform
    Government_needs_reform Member Posts: 859 Pioneering
    @AndyDurham I'm in the same boat as yourself being lonely is hard. I also know Horsham, Crawley very well and the last time I went back to see some friends I've noticed one hell of a change, I see Faygate, Crawley and Horsham are becoming as one I suspect they will change the name one day to "Crawsham" what with all the new development going on "To busy now" I moved north Wales over a decade or more, as I found it to hectic down there.

    I hope you can meet some new friends there, as I know the people are very different than they used to be, you know what I mean. 

    I would never ever move back. Good luck and stay strong.
    ⬇️
    I created one of the campaign election videos for Labour, and Jeremy Corbyn,
    This is a new version of Emeli Sande, Hope "You Are Not Alone
    I highlighted everything that's wrong with this country from benefits, NHS, UC etc, but now we have to put up with the hate now that is the Tories. 

    You can see the video here.
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P5o8hRHh9IY


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  • Roddy
    Roddy Member Posts: 406 Pioneering
    AndyDurham said:
    Im really sorry your going through this.  I am going through a very large Consumer Rights issue myself and recall something about care homes being included in the law. 

    https://www.wrighthassall.co.uk/knowledge/legal-articles/2017/07/31/are-care-homes-breaking-consumer-law/

    Certainly the standard of care under Skill should have you covered. Im not a solicitor but at least its worth a few emails or phone calls. 

    You can also check these out and see if you can get funding for CIVIL legal aid and CIVIL help with court costs. 

    https://www.gov.uk/civil-legal-advice
    https://checklegalaid.service.gov.uk/session-expired

    Hope these help 


    Thanks for all of those. I've used them all Andy, and Civil Legal are dealing with various issues. I have two cases currently Protectively Issued which will be served within the next 2 months, for discrimination. It's been a 2+ years slog getting to this stage. I also have a Mediation telephone call on 14th March for a money claim against my housing provider, and so I'll know by the end of that if I'll need to take it to a Court Hearing. Trust me, my care home staff are chasing about trying to cover-up all manner of things. There have been three local authority top-councillors making unannounced visits and taking interviews from other residents. The manager has been conveniently given absence leave whilst all of this is taking place.... She can hide, but not for long. The evidence at my disposal is indefensible, though I should never had to go down this route. I wont let them get away with it, I assure you.     
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  • AndyDurham
    AndyDurham Member Posts: 16 Connected
    @Government_needs_reform I know exactly what you mean, I grew up on the cost a lot easier going and came to Horsham nearly 20 years ago. Sadly I have kids here now so need to stay put.  With the new developments prices has gone sky high roads are a nightmare and everyone seems to be fitness freaks - scary stuff

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